Ballon Chasseur
May 14, 2004
1,112 words
Written for doyle_sb4 in trkkr47's Corefour Ficathon. She requested humor, Buffy and Xander, set in the High School, with dodgeball. And no angst. If any of this is funny it's all because of Bonster's wonderful beta. Thank you!
The title is the French translation of Dodgeball.
* * *
"Hey Buff! Watch out!"
Buffy ducked, as a large rubber ball flew just over her head. "That was close. Thanks Xan!"
"I live to defend thee, my lady." Xander beamed. He vaulted left, barely avoiding the ball that had just been thrown at him. "Woah!"
Buffy laughed, picking up the ball as it rolled to her feet. "So, where do you think I should aim next, good sir?"
"The witch in the corner there, she needs to be put down." Xander pointed at Willow, grinning.
"HEY! No fair!" Willow yelled, as Buffy sent the ball flying her way, barely missing her side. "Neener, neener! Try -"
"Willow! Bench." The coach yelled.
"Bwaha!" Xander exclaimed, bouncing in victory. "Before doing the neener dance, you should always make sure the ball is not going to bounce off of the wall and hit you on your bosom."
Buffy high fived him and turned her attention back to the game. Dodgeball wasn't about strategy; it was about concentration and not taking your eyes off the ball. Or balls, as the case may be, since their teacher had decided to up the challenge from one to three balls concurrently being thrown all around them. Half of the other team were already on the bench, though mostly the ones that had been taken down were the weak players. The real threats were still alive.
"Xander! Down!"
"No! I'm gonna catch that - hmmph!" Xander closed his arms around the ball before it could fall to the floor and then held it over his head. "Told ya! Now that it's my turn to hit, highness, where should I direct my wrath?"
Buffy smiled at him as she walked to his side. "How about you pass me the ball and I try to hit Larry. Good old distract and destroy move. You look like you're going to send it over to the opposite corner, but then you pass it to me and I move in for the kill?"
Xander thought for a moment. "Good plan."
They took position and Xander fainted right, passed the ball to Buffy in one swift movement and not even a second later, Larry was down.
"Larry. Bench."
Xander and Buffy cheered, as a defeated and confused Larry sat down with the rest of his 'dead' teammates.
"Hey!" Xander grabbed his leg. "What was that??"
"Xander. Bench!"
"Ha! One of the evil duo defeated! Neener!" Willow shouted and looked smug.
"We defeated you first Wills! And don't you forget it." Xander stuck his tongue out at his best friend and sat down with his own 'dead' teammates. "Go Buffy! You can do it! Take them all out!"
"Someday, Harris, someone's gonna get very annoyed with all that shouting and it might get bloody." Sneered a junior who'd been knocked out earlier.
"Stacy, if you didn't know, it's important to encourage the downfall of the lesser kingdom, especially in Dodgeball land. It's all a part of having fun and rooting your team on, you should try it sometime." Xander turned away from her and waved at the rest of their team, bouncing and cheering on as another adversary died due to Buffy's strong and powerful shot.
***
"So Buffy threw the ball at me and I ducked, but it bounced off the wall and hit me." Willow said.
"On her t-shirt clad bosom." Xander nodded, poking Willow's arm playfully from across the table.
Giles rolled his eyes and went back to the algebra book he had been looking at when they had first arrived. Having volunteered to help them study their math test wasn't as easy as Giles had first thought it would be. "Well, I am quite glad you lot had a fun time in gym class, but perhaps we should return to the matter at hand? Specifically your algebra."
"Oh yeah." Xander sat down and opened his algebra book. "I've got this thing about math, and it just doesn't agree with me anymore."
"As if it ever did." Buffy smiled, sitting down beside him with her own book. "Now, let's hear the great Giles tell us how to kill those equations."
"Oh! And there was that move we did when we killed Larry."
Giles turned to Xander, stunned.
"Not literally. I did a fake-out move, and Buffy nailed him right on his left leg. It was pure genius. And completely her idea too. You did a great job training her, Giles, she's a deadly machine."
"Yes quite. Now Xander, I wonder if you really want to pass your classes this year, or do you think yours and Buffy's skills in playing dodgeball are going to get you through your finals?"
"Do we really have to study for finals? I mean, don't we get amnesty or something because we've saved the entire school before?"
Giles glared at him and Buffy's elbow connected with his ribs.
"Ow! I think you might have bruised a rib, princess o'mine. And Giles, I quiver under the glare, really, I do. See me quiver." Xander faked a shudder and smiled as he pointed to the first problem in their book. "This one will probably kill me more quickly than any vamp could."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "That's the easiest."
"Children, maybe I should leave you to it and return to my office, I have many things I could be doing."
"No! You make math comprehensible. We'll shut up and let you do your teacher-y thing. Promise." Buffy nodded emphatically as she looked to her friends for agreement.
"Sure thing." Xander closed his mouth tightly and picked up his pencil. Despite his easy-going banter, he really did want to pass that math test.
"All right. First problem then. As Buffy said, it is quite easy once you understand what is being asked..."
***
"Xander! Wait up!" Buffy caught up to Xander's side as he was walking home.
Xander turned to her and waved playfully. "Hey! If it's not the Buffster. Long time no see."
"Yeah, I missed you so much in those very long five minutes."
"Which is why you're running and trying to catch up with me, you should be heading the opposite way."
"Not really. I just talked to Larry. Some guys from gym class want a rematch tomorrow after the math test. You think we should?" She looked at him quizzically, though she had clearly already made her mind up.
"They have a death wish, eh?" Xander smirked.
"Something like that." Buffy smiled and took his hand. "You're up for it then? I do need my knight to protect me, you know."
"And protect you I shall, my fair and beauteous lady. You and me, we'll kill 'em all! Mwahaha!"
The End.
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