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Leaving Behind...
September 8, 2006
1,088 words

Written for slash_100, prompt: 019 - Him
A big huge thank you to Mireille for the beta.

***

"Xander!" Willow's voice on the phone was frantic. "God, I'm sorry. I didn't think he would just go there, you know-"

"Who? Go where? Willow, you're not making any sense."

"William!"

They hadn't meant to lose touch. To be honest, they'd both wanted to keep being friends. But one thing had led to another, and the next thing Xander knew, he hadn't called in weeks. Weeks that had slowly turned into months, and then a year had gone by and Xander's life had been turned upside down-

"I met him at the store and he asked about you, and I kinda told him where you lived-oops?"

-and there was a knock on the door.

Xander jumped, startled. But then he forced a chuckle, even though he knew Willow wouldn't be fooled. "Stop worrying, Willow, he's here, it'll be fine." He hoped he sounded okay, even if the hard thudding in his chest told another story.

William. Here. Now.

Oh, God.

Xander was alone in the house; he'd been sanding off Fred's new set of bookshelves when the phone had rung. The living room was a mess, but Xander had figured he'd have enough of the hour that was left before Rupert was due home to clean it all up. Clothes and hair full of dust, Xander wiped his hands as best he could on his pants and opened the door. William was standing there, hand poised to knock again. He had a cigarette in his mouth, a nasty habit that he'd picked up after his first--and only--girlfriend had left him.

"Hey," William said with a smile that would have been considered shy if it had come from anyone but him.

Xander plucked the cigarette from William's mouth and threw it away. "Hey, Will. Come in."

"Haven't changed, have you?" William laughed, grabbing Xander into a quick bear hug, before he followed him in. William looked around, taking in the sheet--and dust--covered living room, and zeroing on the set of shelves in the middle of the room. "Got yourself a nice bachelor pad, pet, I'm impressed."

Xander blushed. "Not so much with the bachelor."

William quirked his eyebrows, turning to look at Xander with an odd expression on his face, though he was still smiling. "That right?" When Xander nodded, he continued. "Good. Not so much of a bachelor myself." He touched the wood softly, obviously admiring Xander's work. "Good craftsmanship, that."

William wasn't single anymore. Good--but not really. Good for him, but it also meant he'd moved on, which was also good, but--Xander had often thought--hoped in some stupid, insane, and selfish way--that William would never get over their breakup. The first few months had been very difficult on him. Xander could see how much it all still hurt him etched on William's face every time they met. Maybe that was why they'd lost touch in the end, because Xander couldn't stand being the one who'd hurt him so much.

And Xander should think of something to say now. The silence hadn't been awkward yet, but William knew Xander well enough that he'd figure out what Xander had been thinking quickly enough, and then it would be embarrassing. Again. "It's for a friend," he managed to say. He gave William another smile, and started putting his tools away. "She has more books than Wesley does."

"Wesley. That's the one you did that bookshop for?"

Xander nodded. William had always had a pretty good memory for names and faces. Xander had been working on Wesley's bookshop when he and William had split, and William had seen Rupert and Wesley once.

Once he'd put all the tools in the hall closet Rupert and Wesley had cleared up for him, Xander started working on the sheets that were covering all the furniture, and William left the shelves to help.

"So, what brings you here?" Xander asked, as they were pulling on the second sheet, careful not to send dust to the floor or on the shelves they'd uncovered.

William didn't answer, his eyes fixed on the pictures that were sitting on a shelf. Oh. Xander had forgotten about those. William picked one of them up and smiled. "That your boyfriend, then?"

Xander looked at the picture and smiled. "Yes." It was one of the newest pictures, in which Xander, sitting on Rupert's lap, was holding Emily in his arms.

"A bit old, isn't he?"

Xander laughed, patting William on the arm and going back to folding the sheet. "I like to think of it as 'experienced'."

Xander waited for William to come back to help him with the sheet, but William was still looking at the picture. "Oi! Isn't that the bloke who was Wesley's boyfriend? Your teacher?" He turned to Xander, wide-eyed now.

Xander tried to think of an explanation that wouldn't be either a lie or the complete truth, but he settled for just a nod.

William shook his head, and it was clear that for a moment, he debated whether to ask more or not. He finally settled for not, putting the picture back on the shelf and turning to help Xander with the last of the sheets. "Who's the kid?"

Xander smiled again, launching into babbling mode as he got them both a beer from the fridge and they sat down on the couch. They talked for a while--about the weather, their jobs, William's apartment, Xander's house--and Xander kept thinking it was a blessing that William hadn't asked about Wesley, because Xander wasn't sure how he'd react to that bit of news. It wasn't so much about William's reaction, though, more about the fact that Xander had no idea how to explain Rupert and Wesley and him to his ex, especially when, even after close to four months, Xander couldn't quite decide whether it was real or a completely insane dream. A really good dream, mind you, but a dream just the same.

And Xander also avoided the questions that kept coming up in his mind about William's boyfriend and who was he, what did he do, and did he treat William right. He knew it was none of his business, but he still cared.

"He enough for you, then?" William asked out of the blue. It took a moment for Xander to understand what he was talking about and then another for him to remember how to speak. And he never actually thought about his answer before he gave it.

"Yes, they are."