February 21, 2004
For blackgarden in the Jonathan ficathon; she wanted Jonathan drunk on
margaritas and wearing a sombrero.
Thanks to Zyre for the infinite patience, to Siege for the always wonderful
beta work, and to Helen for the final once over.
* * *
Jonathan's log, stardate 063003.8.
Our destination is Mexico city.
It's been 15 days now.
We're getting tired of running.
* * *
Sometimes, during the journey that took them further and further away from home, Jonathan wondered how things had ended up this way. They were supposed to take over Sunnydale, be rich, have all the girls they wanted and all the memorabilia they had ever dreamed of owning. But Warren's greed and his ever increasing 'want' for more had lost them everything they'd worked hard to get in very little time.
Jonathan hated him.
But it's a bit hard to hate someone when they're dead, especially when you're watching over Andrew, who hadn't stopped moping ever since they'd left Sunnydale. Or maybe that made it easier. Warren had hurt Andrew in so many ways, but Andrew had always thought that if he was just a little more submissive, just a little bit more like Warren wanted, then the older man would stop hurting him and start loving him. And not like a lapdog.
Jonathan knew how Andrew felt. And he hated Warren for hurting him.
Come to think of it, he'd always disliked Warren. Oh, not hate at first, but he never really felt like he could trust him. That had all faded when Jonathan had been promised the 'world'. Literally. After the debacle of his 'superman' days not even two years before, Jonathan wanted more of that life. The power, the money and all that other stuff that came with it. And he thought Warren, Andrew and he could achieve that in a way. Of course, it wasn't legal, but that didn't stop them, especially not Warren. When you touch power, you always want more.
Now though, Jonathan wasn't sure he'd made the right decision. They were running away from everything they knew, their home, their families – not that they were worth mentioning really, but still. It felt weird to leave them for good. Towards the unknown. In Star Trek, it was a cool thing to do, but in real life? It was scary as hell.
But he couldn't let himself think that, he couldn't let himself be scared, because Andrew needed him to be strong. He needed to be strong.
Andrew needed him.
And wasn't that a newsflash. Andrew had never needed Jonathan before. He'd needed Warren, that was obvious. Needed his approval, his friendship, even his... love. Not that Warren had ever loved Andrew. He hadn't. Warren wasn't... that way. And he made himself clear to Andrew at the very beginning, but Jonathan still knew that it didn't change a thing about Andrew's feelings. And Jonathan felt sorry for Andrew because of that.
There wasn't anything as painful as loving someone and not being loved in return.
Jonathan wasn't sure though that what Andrew had felt for Warren was really love. It was adoration, that was a given. Maybe Andrew had never loved before and so mistook his adoration of Warren for something more.
Thinking about Warren made Jonathan's head hurt. The way he'd died was unfair, but Jonathan was a firm believer in the 'everything you do comes back to bite you in the ass' phrase. Had been ever since his little stunt. Warren had killed two innocent women, so it wasn't too surprising that he'd been skinned alive. Well, it WAS, but maybe in the end, Warren deserved it.
And that was a mean thing to say about his friend and Jonathan knew it, but when was the last time Warren had been a friend to him? Jonathan couldn't remember. It must have been before Katrina. Before it all went to hell, before Warren only looked to him for help with spells and other things he couldn't do himself.
Andrew suddenly moaned painfully. He was sitting in front of the window in the only chair the room had to offer.
Snapping out of his thoughts, Jonathan turned to him and had to fight not to reach and hug the younger man. "What's going on Andrew?" He asked gently.
Andrew shrugged, shoulder slumped, almost in tears. "Why don't you just leave me here?" He looked out the motel room window as he spoke. It was dark outside, but dawn would be there soon.
Jonathan shook his head and laid his hand on Andrew's arm. "Because we're in the freakin' desert Andrew. Besides, we're in this together, right? You and me, we're all we have left, and I'm gonna make sure we both get out of this alive."
Andrew closed his eyes, a solitary tear rolling down his cheek. "I don't deserve to be alive. I should... I should be with Warren. Dead."
"No you don't. Don't talk like that Andrew. No one deserves to die. Not even Warren. Certainly not you."
"I want to be with Warren. And now, the only way I can do that is..."
Jonathan let out a sigh, almost a growl. "No, Andrew, don't say that. Don't you freakin' say it." He grabbed Andrew's shoulders hard. "Look at me."
The younger man looked up, his face soaked with tears by now.
"Fuck Andrew! What do you want me to say? That I want you to go outside and get eaten by whatever demons live in this hellhole? NEVER. Enjoy life for God's sake! There's plenty of time to be dead!" Jonathan growled. "One day you'll die, but it won't be now, as long as I can, I'll make sure of that."
"You shouldn't..." Andrew looked back down.
"Keep looking at me!" Jonathan didn't like to yell, never had, so he forced himself to calm down. "You heard me, dumbass," he continued in a low voice. "I said we were in this together. If I let you die, then I will have failed my mission. Do you understand that?" He let go of Andrew's shoulders and grabbed the younger man's face in his hands, hoping that Andrew wouldn't push him away. He knew he wasn't Warren, he could never be as controlling as the other man had been, but he still wished to bring Andrew back to life, even if only for the night.
That's why Jonathan kissed Andrew that night. The only reason the both of them found themselves naked and sweaty before sunrise.
Or that's what he kept trying to make himself believe.
***
Two months later and Andrew was getting better. That thought made Jonathan smile. He tapped the sombrero on his head lightly. It was a gift. From Andrew, who'd thought it made Jonathan look silly, but when Jonathan put it on, the younger man got that look in his eyes that Jonathan knew meant Andrew was horny. How could a sombrero make him horny, Jonathan would never know. Andy had the strangest kinks.
He was dragging Jonathan across the street from the motel now, to go to some celebration or other at the nearest bar. Neither of them understood spanish very well, but any time there was a party, they were there.
Jonathan was particularly fond of margaritas, which Andrew knew, so as soon as they got inside, Andy ordered one for him.
They were still tiptoeing around each other, not really sure of what was going on between them, sure as hell not ready to take the next step and come out, even though they'd gotten that look from the bartender the last time they were here, right after Jonathan had decided that Andrew looked too yummy and he had to lick him. Of course, Jonathan had been drunk at the time, which gave him a good excuse.
He'd have to make sure to keep his hands to himself tonight, but with the looks Andy kept sending his way, he wasn't sure if he'd be successful. Maybe they should just skip the drinking and go back to the hotel.
Jonathan decided against it. He took his drink from Andrew's hand and smiled mischievously at the other man, before taking a sip.
Andrew licked his lips, but quickly looked away. Jonathan knew he'd been THIS close to being kissed right then.
Five margaritas and several burritos later, Jonathan looked up to find Andrew staring at him again. He touched the sombrero and licked his lips. Andrew groaned and shifted on his seat, he was getting really uncomfortable.
And Jonathan wondered... Was it the sombrero's fault? Or was something else different with him?
"Nothing different with you, and it's not the sombrero."
Oh god, he'd really said that out loud.
"Yeah, and that too."
Jonathan groaned. "Great. So, what is it?"
Andrew shrugged, blushing. "It's just that..." He looked away and mumbled something that Jonathan couldn't hear over the music.
"What was that?"
Biting his lips, Andrew looked back at him and shrugged. "Nothing."
Jonathan shook his head and tried to stand. Which didn't work very well. He wavered on his feet and would have fallen had Andrew not been quick and gathered him in his arms.
"Andy, it's not 'nothing'. You've been looking at me like you wanted to devour me the whole night long, just tell me what it is." Jonathan said, not at all thrown by the way Andrew was holding him. It felt rather nice even. Like a hug.
Andrew blushed even more and pressed his mouth to Jonathan's ear. "It's just that..." He stopped to lick Jonathan's ear, not caring about all the people watching them. "I just realized this morning that... I think I've found something worth living for."
Jonathan turned his head swiftly, his nose bumping into Andrew's. He felt dizzy for a second and he couldn't think of a single thing to say. He licked his lips, ACHING to kiss Andrew right then and there. And by the look Andy was giving him, so was he.
Andrew hugged him tighter. "Maybe we should go back to the motel now."
"That's the best idea you've had all night. Let's go." Jonathan stood up, suddenly feeling more sober.
They made their way to their motel room and after Andrew had closed and locked the door, Jonathan took his hand. "Just so you know, it means a lot."
Andrew nodded shyly. "Thanks. And thanks for everything you've done for me"
Jonathan shrugged. "That's what friends do."
"Yeah."
Jonathan caught Andrew's eyes and then pressed a quick kiss on his lips. "C'mon," he said, tugging Andrew's hand and nodding toward the bed.
Andrew smiled. A real smile, that made his whole face shine, and Jonathan realized at that moment, that it wasn't just Andrew who'd found a reason to live.
The sombrero was quickly tossed aside, but later, much later, after they'd both had a good night's sleep and the hangover had worn off, Jonathan would stare at it for hours, wondering if he could fit it in his luggage when the time came to move again.
Strangely it reminded him of where he and Andy had come from and how much more they meant to each other now. In the end, having his sombrero was worth all the power, the girls and the money they'd lost.
Maybe there was hope for them yet.
The end.