Master

Hurt

November 2, 2002

Cowritten with Bonster. This should have been the fourth installment of the Hurt saga, but as the other installments will never be written, consider this a future snippet.

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Xander woke up to a wonderful smell. Somebody was cooking. "Mmmm." He mumbled sleepily, as he sat in his bed and rubbed his eyes. For a moment, he just sat there, trying to figure out why it was that Angel was cooking. He never cooked.

Suddenly, his eyes opened wide and started sparkling with excitement. "Christmas!" He jumped out of bed and, still in his pajamas, made his way to the kitchen.

He felt like a young boy this morning. His first Christmas away from home, away from the drunks that were his family, away from everything that made Christmas a bad holiday for him. He felt excited as he never had been before.

And Angel had promised that they would make new, beautiful memories every Christmas they would spend together. //Together.// Xander thought in wonder. //This feels so right.// He walked into the kitchen and laid his hand on the small of Angel's back, looking at the wonderful meal the vampire was cooking for him. "Morning." He said, smiling widely. "It's Christmas."

Angel turned from the pie crust he was working on, to find a still sleepy, but very excited Xander. Angel smiled back, as he felt Xander's grin warm his soul. The boy looked adorably mussed, and the right leg of his pajama bottoms was bunched up above the ankle.

"It's Christmas? Hadn't noticed," Angel said, looking at Xander with a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Are you sure it isn't Saint Patrick's Day?"

Xander rolled his eyes playfully and poked Angel in the stomach, giving him a dirty look.

Getting the spices just right, Angel put the apple filling in the pie. With the final drop added perfectly, he turned to the rather impatient looking young man beside him.

Wearing a mock 'Who me?' look, Angel laughed and pulled Xander to him in a firm embrace. "Merry Christmas, Xander."

Xander wrapped his arms around Angel. For the first time, he didn't flinch at the touch, instead, he returned it with great force. "Merry Christmas Angel." He replied, smiling tenderly at the vampire. His vampire. "You're cooking for me?" He asked, wonder filling his voice.

Angel ran his fingers through Xander's hair, before moving both of his hands to either side of Xander's face, giving him a soft, swift kiss. "Of course I'm cooking for you. I want to take care of you, Xander. I love you."

No one had ever really cooked for him and the fact that Angel was willing to do it made Xander feel dizzy with happiness. And the words. 'I love you'. Never had anyone told him that they loved him with such 'truth' in their voice. He laid his head on the vampire's chest, content just to rest in his arms. "Thank you." He whispered, sighing happily. "I love you too."

//And ain't that just the wonderful weirdness? Xander, loser extraordinaire, in love with a warrior of light, a vampire. In love with Angel. Oh so totally in love.// The young man thought, as Angel's hands were roaming gently over his back. Nothing had ever felt that good.

Xander's scent surrounded Angel. He nuzzled into the dark-brown hair, reveling in the softness. Pouring all of his love into the gently stroking fingers moving along Xander's back, at once soothing and possessing, Angel felt whole. This Christmas was going to be about nurturing his other half, making sure that Xander felt how much he was loved and wanted.

Placing another chaste kiss on Xander's lips, Angel murmured, "Why don't you go sit down? After I get the pie baking, I'll bring you your breakfast."

Watching as Xander practically bounced in the chair, Angel chuckled softly, putting the pie in the oven and setting the temperature. Deciding that watching Xander eat his fill would also make him hungry, Angel retrieved a packet of blood from the refrigerator. Pouring the liquid into a mug, he set it in the microwave. When the ding went off, Angel quickly drained the mug and rinsed it out in the sink.

Angel went over to the table and sat beside Xander, squeezing Xander's hand.

The young man looked in Angel's eyes and smiled. "Thank you," he repeated again. He felt like he'd been saying nothing but that since he woke up, but he was so happy and giddy and bouncy, that he felt the need to thank the vampire every other second.

"Now, where's this breakfast I've been promised?" He asked, grinning madly. He was starved. He looked around the kitchen, trying to find where Angel had put his food, as Angel kept on squeezing his hand. Xander looked at him, quizzically. "Where's my food?" He asked pleadingly.

Standing, Angel tugged on Xander's hand, beckoning him to follow. They walked into the living room where, in front of the ornate looking Christmas tree, were several trays of steaming rolls, slices of turkey, a bowl full of sweet potatoes, cookies with red and green sparkles, and a pitcher of egg nog.

Angel moved behind Xander and hugged him close. "I love you," Angel whispered.

Xander's eyes opened wide, as he tried to take in all the goodies that his boyfriend had cooked for him. //Boyfriend? Wow. It's the first time I've thought of him that way. I guess you could call him that. My boyfriend. And look at...// "All the goodies." He took a deep breath. "God, I love you so much," Xander whispered, turning around and chastely kissing Angel's lips, before withdrawing, a slight blush covering his cheek.

He looked back at the coffee table and his stomach growled. Angel tightened his hold with a fierce hug and chuckled in Xander's neck, sending shivers through Xander's body. The young man untangled himself from Angel's embrace suddenly, his heart racing. //Too fast... too fast. Need to eat. Deal with emotions later.// he thought as he gave a shy smile to Angel and went to sit.

Angel sighed quietly. He longed for Xander to be comfortable with the passionate moments, but he knew the young man was still experiencing a lifelong inner turmoil; Angel however, had plenty of time to wait.

"You should eat," Xander heard from behind, as he sat on the floor in front of all the food. This was the best Christmas morning he had ever had, weird feelings and fear not withstanding. "Sure. Are you gonna sit with me, or just stand there?" he asked, as he smirked at Angel.

"Well, you know, the whole hovering thing really suits me." Grinning at Xander, Angel sat beside him.

//Truth be told, I don't like being under the tree in any way. Am I going to tell him that? No. Because then I would have to explain why being close to Christmas trees always reminds me of Darla's annual Christmas feast.// Angel inwardly shuddered at the memory. Looking over at Xander, who had butter drizzling down his chin from the roll he had taken a bite out of, Angel realized he was making new memories. Fresh, clean and right memories were starting here and now with the man he loved.

Xander looked up at Angel and grinned. "I love this. I love the tree, I love the food and I love you." He blushed and looked down. "I'm happier than I've ever been. Usually Christmas meant junk food outside in the yard, with my sleeping bag and my comic books. This is the real thing. It's... it's Christmas!" He exclaimed. "I don't know how to explain it, but this feels like Christmas should feel." He kept on babbling, his eyes trying to take in all of the decorated room at the same time.

Angel chuckled and quickly kissed Xander's cheek. The young man smiled and went back to his food. He ate and babbled at the same time, Angel watching over him, and smiling affectionately. //This feels so good. I know I babble a lot and all, but... I feel so... safe here. No one's gonna come here and take me away.// Xander thought as he ate.

Angel had watched as Xander ate most of what had been laid out before him. Feeling his excitement building, moving from content to joyous, he wondered about giving Xander his special gift now or later. He decided it would be best to deal with the gift later, knowing he would have to keep them separate.

Smiling he leaned over, and asked, "Presents?"

Xander's eyes sparkled with even more excitement at that simple word. "Presents! Now! Weeee!!" He squealed and moved his legs like a five year old who had missed his Ritalin dose. Not caring about Angel's burst of laughter, the young man smiled and stalked the Christmas tree on all fours. He picked up a small package and brought it back to Angel.

Calming down slightly, he sat beside the vampire and handed him the small gift. "There, this one's for you." He said, smiling shyly. "I'm... I'm not really sure you'll... you'll like it, but I thought... I thought it... was fitting... somehow, I'm so..."

Placing a finger on Xander's lips, Angel then solemnly turned to ripping the wrapping to shreds.

Angel then peeled the tape off of the sides of the box. //Xander went through a lot of trouble wrapping this.// Finally lifting the lid, Angel pulled out a dark red mug. Examining it, he saw a picture of the two of them on one side. The quality of the picture was amazing!

The most touching thing about the gift, though, was that it was a picture taken after they had gone out on an actual date. They had run into Cordy, and before they were aware of it, she had snapped a picture. They had been gazing into one another's eyes as they slowly walked down the street. There were streetlamps, cars and buildings in the background. He and Xander were staring at each other with such love...

Angel looked at Xander, emotion overwhelming him. Xander had given him something that would always remind him of their love and it was given with the knowledge that Angel would use it to drink blood. It showed some of the depth of Xander's love. Angel wrapped his arms tightly around Xander, murmuring, "Thank you, Xander. Thank you so much."

Xander felt tears in his eyes, as Angel hugged him. //He loves his present. He really loves it.// He thought, happily returning the hug. "You really like it?" He asked, awkwardly.

Smiling, Angel replied, "Yes, Xander. I love it. It's the most thoughtful gift I've ever received."

Xander sighed, leaning on Angel's shoulder. "I'm happy you like it." They stayed there for a moment, smiling and looking at the cup in a comfortable silence. Finally, Xander couldn't wait any longer. "Gifts for me now?" He asked hopefully.

Still reeling from the wonderful gift Xander had given him, Angel almost didn't notice his own nervousness. As he leaned over to pick up his gift and thought about what that gift was, Angel frowned. Would Xander appreciate his gift? Angel knew that in retrospect Xander would love it, but would he be doing damage to the here and now?

Angel sat back down, leaving Xander a few inches of space, in case he needed to go and hastily bring his final and 'real' gift to explain the other.

He chewed his bottom lip as Xander opened the wrapping, noting that Xander did it more carefully than he did. //I'm over 240 years old, I'm allowed to be over-excited when it comes to unwrapping presents.// Angel watched as Xander's eyes widened when he opened the box.

//What the hell?// Xander thought, fear taking him over. He reached in the box and took out the leash and collar. //Is this a sick joke of his? Please, I can't bear this. I mean... everything was going so well before, why would he...// He gulped and tried to repress the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. He never noticed, as Angel abruptly stood up and left the apartment, using the elevator.

Xander looked closely at the leash. It was made of leather, a soft red leather and quite small. There was a little handle, just big enough for his hand to fit in. Curiosity winning him over, he continued his investigation by taking the collar and turning it around in his hands. //It's way too small for me. Look at this. It's a work of art. So soft, even though it's leather, just like the leash. It's...beautiful. But way too small. Even for my wrist. Maybe...//

That's when the tag caught his eyes. There was something engraved on it. "Property of Xander Harris." He whispered in shock. "Mine? But what's it for? If it doesn't fit me, it'll never fit..." Realization swept through him. "A pet..." He breathed. //He got me a pet... but what?// He looked around and fear overtook him once again as he realized Angel wasn't there.

Angel wished the elevator would move faster for the thousandth time. He knew he could climb the cables faster this and he had Xander to get back to.

When the doors finally opened, he rushed forward into the office. On his desk, in a small pet carrier, was a tiny kitten with beige, brown, white, gray and black fur. Flicking the lock, he opened the door, and the kitten jumped out and clung to him. "Ow. And hello to you, too."

Shaking his head, he walked back to the elevator, trying to hold onto the squirming kitten. Once the doors closed, he resorted to purring himself to calm the feline down. It worked. The kitten rubbed its head against the palm of his hand and extended its claws, in and out, making its own pleased sounds.

As the doors opened and he stepped out, Angel saw that Xander was staring at the collar and leash in his hands. Hurrying over, he asked, "Xander, are you all right?"

Xander turned around swiftly and sighed in relief. "You're here." He went to stand up, but a ball of fur in Angel's arms caught his eyes. "I'm... ok. But what's this?" he asked, pointing at Angel. The vampire didn't say a word. He walked to Xander, who never took his eyes off him.

Angel smiled, kneeling down and opening his arms, letting the kitten fall onto Xander's knees smoothly. Xander watched with tears in his eyes as the small bundle of fur began playing with the bottom of his pajamas, before finding his toes, then starting to nibble on them. "Hahahaha! He's... He's adorable Angel. I'm... I'm sorry, I thought..." He turned to the vampire, blushing. "I actually thought..." Angel silenced him with a finger yet again.

"I have a feeling I know what you 'thought'. You don't have to worry though. I would never push you, and that is definitely what I would call pushing." Looking down at the adorable bundle that was now making shreds of Xander's sleeves, he quickly looked back up to Xander. "So, you really like him?"

Xander's heart melted again at the look of 'fear-wonder' in Angel's eyes. "Yes, I totally adore him! It's..." Tears started to fall slowly from his eyes, but he quickly dried them away. "I've wanted a pet for so long, but my..." Xander felt more than he heard Angel's soothing words.

"I know. I know."

And then, there were the hands, slowly caressing his back and the forehead that leaned against his.

"I love you." And Xander had never meant it more than at that single moment. "I love you so much." He repeated once again, his voice catching in his throat. The kitten was now snuggled on his knees, purring.

Angel nuzzled up to Xander's nose. "I love you, too." Relaxing his tight hold on a slightly trembling Xander, Angel looked down at the kitten, who was peering at them with wide, curious eyes.

"Xander?"

Hearing the mumbled, "Hmm?" Angel chuckled, pointing toward the kitten. "What do you want to call him?"

"Mmm... I dunno. How about Master?" Xander chuckled, as he looked at Angel's questioning face. "Hahaha. Don't look at me like that. He just took his place on my lap like he owned me or something. I think it fits him. But if you don't like it or anything, I can always pick another name."

"Master?" Angel knitted his brows together. Would he be able to handle something with a name so close to Darla's sire? //Master...well, I guess it goes with new memories. Glad tidings maybe.//

Seeing Xander's big eyes looking at him so anxiously, Angel sighed. "Master it is." Hoping the earlier panic about the collar and leash were vanishing, Angel said, "I'm not going to say 'Yes, Master' to that cat. Nor am I going to let you walk behind me when Cordelia, Wes, or Doyle are over and say, 'Master likes his milk.'" Giving a mock glare, Angel pointed his finger at the 'Master' in question.

Xander burst out laughing and giggling at Angel. "I promise you I won't," he managed between two breaths. He choked as he tried to say something else. Finally calming down, he wrapped his arms around Angel and kissed him gently, still shy. "I think I scared him," he said, as he realized the cat was now hiding under the tree.

"Well, you know, it's a new environment. A human and a vampire in love celebrating Christmas, and the human just decided to name me, 'Master' - I might take a step or two back also," Angel said, leaning closer, until he was less than a breath away. Tentatively, he pressed his lips against Xander's.

Feeling the warm lips against his slightly nudge back, he knew that Xander wanted this kiss too. Suckling Xander's bottom lip, while he felt his top lip slide along the side of Xander's mouth, Angel was happy to be right where he was.

Angel's tongue moved forward in a questioning manner, with small, quick licks at Xander's lips. Feeling a nearly imperceptible head shake, Angel pulled his tongue back, only to have it followed with Xander's own shy strokes.

//This is wonderful.// Xander thought, shocked by his eagerness. For the first time since the start of their relationship, Xander wasn't afraid of where they were going. He knew the vampire was intently focused on his feelings and that Angel would stop before it went too far, as soon as he felt Xander was uncomfortable. And that made him feel safe. He kissed back tenderly, tasting Angel's lips, and then following the vampire's tongue with his own. He wasn't sure about having Angel's tongue in his mouth, but he wanted to try and feel how it felt with his tongue in Angel's mouth. Maybe after that he would let Angel do his own exploring.

Angling his head a bit more, he lapped at Angel's lips, which were starting to close. Xander felt them freeze and wondered if he might be doing something wrong, but when he heard Angel's very soft whimper, he decided he was doing something right.

Taking slower licks, Xander started to push his tongue between the slightly parted lips. Entering the cool cavern, Xander's tongue moved first to the right, running over the front teeth, which were currently blunt. He shivered, knowing what those teeth could morph into.

Continuing his exploration, he swiped between the gum and the lip, only becoming slightly nervous by the faint coppery taste. The left side was pretty much the same, and wanting to taste Angel's tongue, he pressed his own against the vampire’s front teeth.

Angel parted his teeth more, granting Xander the access he wanted. Feeling Xander's tongue push against his own, ghost-like swirls gliding over and heading under - Angel moaned. His world was in this kiss.

For the first time, Xander was taking control instead of withdrawing. That single thought made the vampire's undead heart jump.

Hearing Angel's moan made Xander's shyness come back to the surface and he slowly withdrew his tongue and broke the kiss, panting for much needed air. He looked into Angel's eyes in shock. He couldn't believe just how far he'd gone. //For the first time, it felt good. Nothing else. No fear, nothing bad. Just good.//

Angel took in the reddened lips and the glazed but happy eyes, and raised his fingers to Xander's cheek, caressing softly.

Xander felt the tenderness, but also the want that poured out of Angel's simple touch on his cheek. And it scared him. //Why am I so scared of him wanting me?// He asked himself as he looked away, blushing. //I want him and I'm sure he knows it, but I'm fucking scared.// Angel's fingers left his cheek and he missed the touch immediately. //I'm really mixed up. But this...// He felt his heart warm up at the memory of the kiss they had just shared. //It was fabulous.// He turned back to Angel, his heart racing in his chest. //I may not be ready for more, but that was perfect.//

"Xander, I -" Angel was cut off when Master jumped on his lap, clawing at his pants.

Angel's eyes widened. //New pants. These are new pants.// Quietly growling, he lifted the kitten toward Xander, who now wore an amused expression.

"He's yours. You deal. I'm putting on different pants." Standing, Angel heard the oven timer go off. "And then we are going to eat apple pie."

Angel went into the bedroom to change, lightly grumbling about de-clawing.

Giggling at the retreating vampire, Xander picked Master up and nuzzled his nose. "He loves ya, don't worry Master. He's just a grumbling old man. He's always like that. Grumble, grumble."

"I heard that. I don't grumble. Quit telling tales." Angel continued mumbling as he looked for and found something to occupy those claws.

Exiting the bedroom in pants less likely to be ruined, he threw a green ball of yarn at Xander. Making his way to the kitchen, he glanced back, saying, "Have fun."

Xander watch in amusement as Master flew from his hands and ran after the green ball. "Angel?" He called to the vampire in the kitchen. Not waiting for the answer he continued. "I love you." He chuckled as he added. "Even when you grumble."

Angel came back, setting the warm pie down on the table, shoving over the remaining turkey slices. "You know, maybe I shouldn't let you have any of this pie. I'm glad you love me, because I love you, but if you're going to be telling Master our secrets...." Angel trailed off in a laugh as Master made ready to pounce before landing on the ball of yarn and rolling away.

"Isn't he adorable?" Xander asked, his eyes fixed on the kitten, as Angel cut him a slice of pie. The young man turned to the vampire and smiled. "Thank you. I know you're not... pet guy, but this means a lot to me. He's a beautiful ball of fur."

Angel smiled. "I know it does. I wouldn't have done it otherwise." Looking to where Master had now started hanging onto the bottom tree branch, Angel added, "Really."

Xander chuckled and wrapped his arms around the vampire. "Thank you. Now I want some of that apple pie. It smells awfully good."

He reached for his plate and fork and looked into Angel's eyes, as he cautiously put a piece of pie in his mouth and chewed on it. //OMG! I never thought a vampire could cook THIS well! It tastes.... like my grandma's.// He swallowed and smiled heartily. "This is so good Angel," he said, with emotion in his voice.

Angel managed to look bashful. "Thanks. It's a recipe I found awhile back when I was going through some old books. I thought you might like it."

"I love it." Xander shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe you did all this for me. The tree, the kitten, the cooking..."

"Well, you should believe it, Xander. I like providing things that make you smile," Angel said. He took a bite of his slice of pie. The texture was amazing. This entire day had been amazing.

Without thinking, Xander cut a piece out of his slice and brought it to Angel's lips. Smiling, the vampire opened his mouth and let Xander feed him. The bite contained a small amount of Xander's taste and that made it more delectable.

Angel took his own fork and carried a bit of the pie to Xander's lips, nearly panting at the sight of those lips wrapping around the fork, taking the pie inside.

They finished all of the slices of pie in the same manner, both giggling at the crumbs that had found their way onto their clothing.

Deciding that no more food could be ingested, they started clearing away the dishes.

As they made their way to the kitchen, Master started running around their feet, making the walk somewhat dangerous. Xander's giggle echoed in the room once more and the sound warmed Angel's heart yet again. Hearing the human laugh was one of his biggest pleasures and he swallowed back his reply about the cat's playing.

They washed the dishes in comfortable and companionable silence, occasionally making remarks about the kitten's habit of climbing onto the counter and playing with the soap bubbles.

Drying their hands, they went out to sit on the couch. Cuddling next to one another, Angel whispered in Xander's ear, "Hope you had a great Christmas, Xan."

"Great? Nah. Wonderful. Yup. And now I'm... feeling pretty darn good too." He answered, snuggling closer to the vampire's chest, his eyes closing by themselves. "I'm feeling exhausted. I guess it's all the excitement and all... I'm not a kid anymore, yet I felt like one all day. It was... like I always imagined Christmas should be."

"Me too, Xan. Me too." Angel watched, as Master played with the torn wrapping paper on the floor, knowing that this was the best Christmas he had ever had.

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