Taking Over Me

*You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then*
- Evanescence, Taking Over Me


The room was dimly lit, candles casting shadows on the two figures, moving together on the bed. Clothes were scattered on the floor, sheets were pulled back and a scent of sex and love surrounded them.

Moans drifted in the silence, as the older man gently pulled his fingers out of his younger lover’s tender hole. “Are you okay, luv?” Giles asked, as he leaned over Xander and gently kissed the young man’s forehead, then his eyes and finally his lips.

Xander groaned in the kiss. Breathless, he pulled away and looked into his lover’s eyes. “Yes. Giles, I love you.”

Giles smiled, pushing a lock of hair away from the young man’s face. “I love you too, Xander. With all my heart.”

Xander smiled, blushing slightly. “I think I’m ready.” He said hoarsely. “Can we get back to business?” He thrust up brushing his erection against Giles’.

The older man grinned. “Of course.”

***

Giles groaned as he pushed in and out of Xander’s virgin tight hole. He was so close, right there. Just one more...

“Giles! Oh fuck! Harder, please!”

Complying, the older man thrust hard into the tight channel as he came. He rode his orgasm hard, making sure to drag his lover right there with him.

Breathing heavily, they both collapsed and closed their eyes, basking in the afterglow.

“That was...” Xander couldn’t find the words, so he stopped talking.

Giles wasn’t saying a word, holding his breath as he waited to see if the signs would appear. They had to. He hadn’t gone through all this for it not to work. Xander was his true love, the only one he really loved, and Lord it had to work...
 
“OW! Fuck, what the hell is this?” Xander cried out as he felt his belly burning up. He clutched his stomach with both of his hands, closing his eyes against the pain.

Jumping, Giles reached for his lover before a sharp pain erupted on his arm. Groaning, he still gathered Xander in his arms and rocked him as the pain became sharper, then decreased and finally settled into a faint throb.

Xander tried to catch his breath as he untangled himself from Giles’ arm. “What was that?” He asked, his eyes searching Giles’ face for answers.

Giles was looking at his throbbing arm and so he didn’t hear Xander’s question. “It worked.” He whispered in triumph. The signs were there! Xander’s pain was most likely due to the bond settling between the two of them while Giles’ arm now bore the symbol of their love.

“Giles? What do you mean by ‘it worked’?” Xander asked, as fear of having been used started to fill his head. He looked at Giles’ arm and gasped. “What is that?”

Giles looked at Xander, dumbstruck. “I... this is the Chinese symbol for love. It means that... that it worked.” He knew he should be explaining everything to Xander right now, but he was euphoric. It worked! “I’m free Xander, I’m free!” He tried to grab Xander into a hug, but the young man pushed him away. Shocked, Giles looked at him with worry in his eyes.

 “Don’t touch me.” Xander said with venom in his voice. God, he couldn’t believe this. Giles had... like everyone else Xander had ever loved, Giles had tricked him. Tricked him into his bed for what? To be free of... something.

 “What...?”

“You tell me! What the hell is this about? What are you free of?”

Giles shook his head, trying to sort out his thoughts. “I... It happened twenty-five years ago,” he began, taking a deep breath. “I was a young fool. Stupid, yes, that’s the word. I summoned a demon, a Rayitka demon. They’re rather nasty when they decide to haunt a house... a bit like ghosts. I summoned him and asked him to haunt my father. However, as with all such bargains, there was a price. When he felt that the time had come, he would look for me and come to take my soul and the soul of one of my charges. He appeared to me about a year ago, to brag about how the time was closing in and he gave me one last year to work myself out of the deal.” He shook his head again. “I was such a stupid foolish young man. I never thought I would have any charges at all, it never occurred to me back then, that I would become a watcher and have a slayer of my very own. I would never have bargained with anyone else’s soul had I known. I never thought I’d be losing anything else but my own soul.”
 
Xander couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Giles wouldn’t, he couldn’t do such a thing.

“I researched it quite a lot over the years, especially since I became a watcher.   I’ve been trying to find a way around the price the demon asked –   there always is one with spells like these. I finally discovered I had to... take my true love’s virginity. And now that I’ve found you, you have set me free, Xander!” Giles exclaimed, looking at his lover with happiness in his eyes, not realizing that Xander wasn’t rejoicing at all.

As Xander listened to Giles, his previous pleasure began to disappear, leaving behind an empty feeling inside. His jaw tightened as Giles' explanation sunk in. The young man was boiling with anger. “You used me! You fucking USED me! And I thought you loved me! You SAID you loved me!” Xander yelled, as he got up from the bed and quickly put on his pants and shirt. “God! I gave myself to you tonight, I let you... fuck me! And you fucking used me!” Without another glance at the man on the bed, Xander stormed out of the room and down the stairs.

Stunned, Giles didn’t move for a second. How could he have been so stupid? He rubbed his forehead in annoyance. He should have known not to rush the explanations like this. Xander couldn’t understand fully what it really meant. Putting on his robe, Giles quickly ran down the stairs, racing after the young man. “Xander, wait, please!” He called as he saw Xander opening the back door and stepping out.

The night was peaceful, the sky filled with stars and the ocean’s waves calmly rocking on the sand. Xander stopped running as the sight filled his eyes and he felt himself calming down. The nice little house Giles had bought on the Pacific shore after they had left what remained of Sunnydale really was restful.

Giles walked outside behind him and stopped moving. He couldn’t find the words to apologize.

“I can feel you, right here,” Xander said, looking straight at the sea, on the verge of tears, as he clasped his hands over his belly. “It’s like, you’re burning me up inside and I can feel how sad you are and you feel... guilty. And... you really do love me, don’t you?”

Giles stepped closer to him and put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “More than I ever thought I could love anyone.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then? Didn’t you trust me enough for that?” Xander asked, shrugging the hand away, pain evident in his tone.

Giles shook his head, pained at having been rejected. “It has nothing to do with whether I trust you or not, Xander. This... I couldn’t tell you. If I had... it would have forfeited the effects of... what we did tonight.” Giles said, as he sat down on the porch, facing the ocean. He was relieved that Xander was at least talking to him and desperate for the young man to comprehend.

“I don’t understand.” Xander stated, still staring off at the ocean.

“If I had told you about the... bargain I made all those years ago,” Giles started, as he looked at Xander. “Loving you wouldn’t have changed anything. The Rayitka demon would still have come tomorrow to fetch my soul and Buffy’s. As was stated in our... deal.”

“So, if you had told me, you and Buffy would be... dead? And why... why tonight and not a month ago?”

“I couldn’t... earlier. Not because of... the bargain, for that I could have taken you years ago. But I knew you weren’t ready so I kept pushing the deadline until I couldn’t anymore.” Giles looked at Xander, hopeful that the young man would understand just how much he meant to him.

“So you waited for me?” Xander asked as he sat down beside Giles. He knew the answer in his heart, but he needed to hear Giles say it one more time.

Giles nodded. “Yes, but I couldn’t wait anymore.” He hesitantly passed his arm over Xander’s shoulder, needing the touch, the comfort, but not certain Xander would let him. When he felt the young man settling into his embrace, he breathed a sigh of relief and continued . “And, to answer your other question, we wouldn’t be dead. We would be... soulless, I guess is the word.”

“Think Angelus, but with the brain of an ex-watcher and the strength of a slayer.” Xander summed up, still looking away.

“Exactly.” Giles said just as Xander was saying something. “Pardon?”

“I said, I forgive you.” Xander took Giles’ hand in his and kissed the palm. “I can feel just how much you love me and how sorry you are.” He pressed Giles’ hand to his belly. “I know you’re feeling bad about what happened tonight, but don’t. It was the best night of my life and even though you pushed me to do it tonight, I don’t regret it. I acted like a five year old, and for that I am sorry. I love you, Giles. I love you with all my heart and I’m glad you did what you did, because it means I’m not going to lose you.”

Dumbstruck by Xander’s heartfelt babble, Giles gently caressed the young man’s belly, his other hand stroking his lovely face. Without a word, he captured Xander’s lips in a sweet, tender kiss. He pulled away gently. “I know you don’t want to hear it, Xander, but I have to say it. I’m sorry. You were right, I used you. But I couldn’t have used you if I hadn’t loved you as much as I do.”

Xander brushed his hand over Giles’ cheek, grinning. “I know. I’m your true love, right?”

Giles grinned back at him. “Oh definitely, you are. My one and only love.”

“Let’s get back to bed then. You have to explain me about this thing I’m feeling inside me, and there’s like, a thousand things you have to teach me now. I want to learn how to make YOU squirm.”

The End