Where Love Lies

September 2002

First in the series. My first slash fic. Written in six months; song used in chapter 25 is "I Miss You" by Darren Hayes. To Swathi for the constant encouragement; to Sarah, because this story made me meet you, and because you are a wonderful beta.

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Part 1

Xander knew he should be stopping this, his reason was screaming for him to grab a stake and drive it through the heart of the man before him, this was SO wrong, but his heart and his body didn't want him to let go. Sure, he had a vampire's cock buried deep inside his ass, but it felt so good, so right. He had never felt this complete before. Moaning, he reached for the other's lips.

"Ooh... yes... Spike..."

*** Flashback: two month ago...***

The day had been awful. The wedding was a disaster, everyone fighting and drinking and that demon... Well, what it had shown Xander may not have been the truth, but it sure as hell made him wonder if his love for Anya was strong enough to go through all of what lay before them.

Looking around at the motel room, Xander sighed and decided to go take a walk. He only had his tux to wear, but he didn't care. It was late and dark, and being who he was, he surely knew better than to go out alone at this time of the night, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. His ex-fiancée was broken hearted because of him, his parents had spent a great deal of money on this and they were probably arguing over the best way to make him pay for it, and he really didn't need to think about vampires or other demons right now. All he wanted was to take a walk through the city and try to ease the pain in his own heart.

He really had thought he loved Anya. He DID love Anya, but he didn't want to hurt her. He never would have wanted to hurt her. That's why he had left her at the altar. // Go figure! If I really didn't want to hurt her, I would never have asked her to marry me. //

He looked around him and realised he was standing in the cemetery in front of Buffy's mother's grave. Sighing, he sat down and looked up at the sky. The clouds were gone and the stars were shining. He looked at the grave before him and started to talk, as if Joyce Summers were standing in front of him.

"You know, life sucks." He talked to the grave for a long time, explaining why he did what he did and what his life looked like from the inside.

"It's like somebody just wants me to suffer for something my parents did. Me. Because my parents had a kid, I have to suffer. Will I ever, just once in my life, be able to feel happy, without thinking of my parents? I mean really happy, like, not happy-because-I-make-the-others happy, but because-I-make-myself-happy."

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain through his left shoulder. He looked down and saw the end of a sword just a few inches over his heart. Slowly, he turned his eyes and came face to face with a 7-foot tall demon with big orange horns on his forehead and hands. The demon pulled the sword out and Xander cried out in pain.

"Now, I'm going to finish you, stupid and unworthy human."

Without giving any time for Xander to recover, the demon attacked again, this time in the right shoulder, making the boy cry out again. Again, the demon pulled the sword out, but Xander manage to get out of his way, groaning from the pain. The next time he grabbed the sword before it even touched him and threw it with all that was left of his forces.

He whispered. "Where is the slayer when you need her?"

The demon started to kick and punch, but Xander couldn't fight back, his senses overwhelmed by the pain. Finally, he let go and fell on the fresh grass, passing out.

Part 2

When Xander came to, he was lying in a hospital bed. He tried to sit, but cried from the pain. Every part of him ached. A cold hand reached for him and pushed him gently back down.

"Hey pet, don't move. Got yourself a good fight there."

"Spike?" Xander tried to look around the room, but his sight was fuzzy. He only saw shades of colours.

"Yeah pet. It's me."

"What are you... What happened?" His voice was shaking, as if he hadn't spoken for a long time.

"Don't remember, do ya? Big, ugly, orange horns?"

"Ooh yeah, that... How... how did I get here? Last thing I remember... I was alone... and ... almost dead." He tried not to move, but even talking was painful. He let out a groan.

"Ya shoudn' talk so much. Ya need rest, the doctor said. An' ya not dead are ya? So don't think about it. Jes try an' sleep." Spike sat down in the chair next to Xander's bed and looked at the door, no expression on his face. Xander decided not to argue, it was too painful, so he let out a sigh and closed his eyes.

He must have slept, because when his eyes opened again, his parents were in the room, arguing as always.

"What do you mean, 'poor boy'? He just got what he deserved. He left his fiancée at the altar for God's sake!" //dad, shut up// He wanted to scream, but he couldn't talk.

"Ohh please, he almost died, can you just not... Ohh, Xander, you're awake."

"Hey... mom..." He coughed and a sharp pain exploded through his body.

"Aaahhh" //that hurts! // He looked around to see if Spike was still there, but he was nowhere in sight.

"You've been sleeping for the past five days."

He sighed //five days???//

"The doctor said that you woke up about two nights ago, he wasn't there, neither were we... but one of your friends was... I don't remember his name..."

"Spike"

"That's it. From what they've told us, he's been here every night since the accident."

//Every night? I thought he hated me... Wait a minute...//

"Accident?"

"Yes, you were hit by a car. You don't remember?"

//Oh yeah, it was a big ugly orange horned 'car', sure I remember. What a car!! How do they explain the sword cuts then? Same old Sunnydale...//

"In fact, it was more like you've been in the middle of a car accident..." At that moment a doctor came in to examine Xander. Finally, his parents said goodbye and went back to whatever they were doing, probably arguing.

After a few questions, the doctor left too and Xander was alone. Not for long though. Buffy came in, carrying a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers.

"Hey Xander! How are you?"

"Fine, Buff..."

"Don't lie to me. I just have to look at your face to know you're in pain. I'm *really* sorry, I should've been ..."

"You can't... be every...where, buffster." He said, sighing.

"Well, I'm just very glad that Spike happened to be nearby and heard you scream... I don't know what I would've done if..." She couldn't continue, tears flowing from her eyes.

"Shh, Buff, don't...cry... I'm ok... Not dead you see..." He tried to smile, but it felt like hell. "Ouch... can't smile... but want to."

She laughed shyly and showed him the chocolates and flowers.

"Chocolates are from Dawn, she said they were your favourites. As for the flowers, they're from Willow, Tara and me. There's a little card from each of us that comes with them, you might want to read them when you're alone. I have to go now. Work, you know." He looked at her and saw that she was still crying a little.

"Ok, Buff... Don't... think it's... your fault... You didn't do... anything..."

"I know, it's just... I don't want to lose you, or anyone else for that matter... I've gotta go, take good care and rest." She kissed his forehead and left.

"Bye Buff."

//So, Spike saved me? How? Don't think I'm going to get my answers today though.// He sighed and closed his eyes, he felt very tired, even though he had been sleeping for so long. He tried to think about what that demon was or why Spike was near, but finally, sleep came and Xander didn't fight it.

Part 3

The room was dark when he woke up again. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

"Finally waking up pet... It's nice to see ya." Spike said, his voice shaking. //What? Spike is happy to see me? Must be a dream... or somebody could have been playing with his mind.//

"Doctor told me ya woke up this morning. Ya healing fast he said. Don't seem fast enough though..."

"Spike..."

"What Xan'? Need anything?" //Somebody *must* have played with his mind ! He's asking *me* if I need anything !//

"What... what are you... doing here?" Talking was still a bit difficult, but it was less painful than it had been that morning.

"Jes checkin' on ya luv. Nothin' else..." //Checking on me? // "Ohh, an' takin' free blood when nobody's watchin'." //Looks like the same old Spike here... but why is he taking care of me ? Just for the free blood? //

"Why?"

"What 'why'? 'Cause I bloody well need to eat. Tha's why."

"No... I mean... why are you... checking on me?"

"Dunno. After I saw ya all bloody an' brought ya here, I couldn't just go. It's like I can't leave ya alone. Wanna be sure ya all right." //That's new! He cares! Who would've thought? //

Xander tried to sit, but the pain in his arms made it difficult. Seeing his face distorted by the pain, Spike reached for him and helped him get more comfortable. When he was settled, the vampire sat down on the bed next to him. Xander was surprised by everything Spike was doing. //He helped me? He cares? What happened to the Big Bad? Might as well just ask him what happened after I passed out.//

"What happened... with the... demon?"

"I killed it."

"How did you... get there?" Xander lifted his eyes and looked into the deep blue ones in front of him.

"I... wanted to talk a bit. Do that often. Go to the lady's grave an' talk, that is. Before she died, we used to have hot chocolate an' talk 'bout everythin'... I miss that."

//Whoa, wait a second... Spike having hot chocolate and talking with Joyce ?//

Xander shook his head gently, trying not to aggravate his injuries.

"Ya ok Xan'?"

"Yes, I just... I never thought you... were the hot chocolate type... that's all." He replied, sighing.

"Well, yeah. I like it. With plenty of marshmallows... So, I wanted to talk, but saw ya there, an' decided to leave ya alone with Joyce. Ya probably needed it more than I did. With the wedding an' all." Xander looked up again and caught a glimpse of concern in the vampire's eyes.

"Yeah, I needed it... Should've thought... demons are... always there... when you don't want... them to be... Did you hear..."

"What ya were sayin'?" Xander nodded. "Jes a little bit... But I wasn't trying to listen in. Vampire 'earing ya know. Anyway, was walkin' back to me crypt when I 'eard ya scream an' started runnin', but didn't get there in time. Ya were already on the ground and bleedin' to death. An' the stupid demon was sayin' that ya were 'unworthy' or somethin'... Annoyed me he did... I jes tapped on his shoulder an' he turned aroun' an' I punched him in the face, his sword fell, I took it an' killed 'im... Then I checked on ya, an' brought ya here. End of story." Spike punctuated his speech by punching and kicking the air, like he wanted to show Xander every move he made.

The boy just lay there silently, waiting for the vampire to finish. When he did, Xander looked at him.

"He... *annoyed* you?"

"Yeah! Ya not *unworthy*, Xan'... Jes don't know what to do, is all. I'm sure everythin'll be fine now..." //Is he kidding me? He actually cares if I ruin my life? //

"Thanks..." //*I* said thanks to *Spike*? Well, I can even surprise myself! //

"Why did you...stay?"

"What?" The vampire seemed surprise by the question.

"Why do you... keep coming back every night?" Talking was becoming easier, but Xander felt more and more tired. He closed his eyes and waited for the answer.

"I dunno. I jes do..." Spike's voice was barely a whisper and Xander had to concentrate to hear him. He opened his eyes and realised that the vampire was looking away. //This is becoming weird! Too weird... *Spike* looking after *me* for no reason? The chip must be malfunctioning or something. But hey, he actually cares so, as weird as that may sound, I should probably thank him...//

Xander carefully placed his hand on the vampire's arm and Spike turned to face him. He looked incredibly worried.

"Thanks Spike... For everything." His voice was filled with exhaustion.

"S'ok, Xan'. Jes go to sleep now. Ya need to get well." He gently helped Xander lie down. Then he arranged the sheets around the boy and made sure he was comfortable, before settling himself into the chair.

//No one as ever been so thoughtful of me before. I can't help but think he might be up to something. But this is just not his type. And he called me Xan, not whelp or pet, or anything else... I think I need to sleep, I'm getting confused here...// he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

Part 4

"... Seem to have healed almost completely. He should be ready to go home in a day or two. We just want to make sure his head injuries are not more serious than they appear. But for that, he needs to be awake. He seems to be sleeping a lot." The doctor's voice was low and he seemed to be talking with someone. //My parents I suppose. Who else? //

"Ya sure he's goin' to be ok?" //Spike ??//

"Yes. He is going to be perfectly fine, as long as someone is there to take care of him and make sure he doesn't pass out. Do you know if he lives with someone?" //Not anymore.//

"Use to. But she left. Nobody knows where she is." //Anya disappeared? //

"Do you think someone could stay with him for a while?"

"Dunno, maybe one of his friends could." //Who? Willow? Buffy? They have enough problems already, without adding me to the list.//

"You seem to care a lot for him. Maybe you could..."

"Don't think he'd like that, doc." //Why? //

"Why?" //Thanks doctor.//

"Well, we're not friends... An' he doesn't like me much."

"But you've been here every night since you brought him in. That makes six nights in a row. If he disliked you as much as you think, I don't think you would've stayed." //Umm, sleep boy here, he could've stayed, and I wouldn't have known.//

"Well, ya see, he doesn't like me, but doesn't mean I don't care. I wanna be sure he's ok, is all." //Sure... What are you up to Spike? //

"Well, talk to his friends and please make sure someone will be there when he goes home."

"I'll do me best." He paused and turned towards the bed. "Hey Xan'. Slept well?"

"Yeah. How long did I sleep?" He realised that his voice wasn't shaky anymore and talking was almost as easy as it normally was.

"A few hours. It's almost dawn."

"You're leaving then?"

"Yeah. Doctor here'll take care o' ya. Want me to get anythin' before I go?"

Xander thought a moment and his stomach began to make an awful noise.

"I think I'm hungry..." The three men laughed. "Can I eat something?" He asked, turning to the doctor.

"Sure. Your friend here could get you a sandwich while I'm making sure that your stomach will hold it." Spike left the room in search of food, while the doctor checked all the machines surrounding Xander for abnormal signs. Then he examined the boy and finally, he told him that everything was fine. Spike came back in at that moment and Xander *attacked* the sandwiches he brought. Laughing at the boy's eagerness, Spike said goodbye and left. The doctor made sure that Xander was comfortable, then he went back to his other patients.

Finally alone, Xander looked around him. Light was starting to appear through the window. //I hope Spike made it back ok.// Shaking that thought out of his head, he picked up the cards from the girls that Buffy had left on the nightstand that morning. Reading them, tears formed in his eyes and he blinked, making them fall on his hands.

//They're so nice. I couldn't have better friends. I love them so much. It must have been awful for them.// His thoughts were full of love and friendship. They were supportive of his decision, they weren't angry at him and they sent all their support for his recovery. It meant so much to him.

He brushed the tears away and placed the cards back on the nightstand, near the flowers and chocolates. He picked up the box and ate a couple, before deciding that his stomach wasn't really ready for more. When he put the box back, a yellow envelope caught his eyes. He reached for it and realised it was from England. //Giles! Finally giving some news! //

He eagerly opened the envelope and took the letter out.

Dear Xander,

I'm sorry about your wedding. I learned what happened two minutes ago, along with the news of your *accident* as I'm sure most people will call it. As soon as I heard Dawn's voice on the phone, I knew something was wrong. When she told me, I couldn't help but think that I should've been there. I'm so sorry.

I hope you will get better soon and that you'll call me. I miss all of you and right now I'm so worried about you, I want to take the next plane to Sunnydale. But I can't. I just can't go back. Just know that my heart is with you, and I hope that you make a speedy recovery. I enclose my phone number, if ever you want to talk to me.

My best wishes,
Rupert Giles

Xander looked at the letter for a few more minutes, trying to figure out just *why* Giles couldn't come back. Checking to make sure that he wouldn't be calling in the middle of the night, he reached for the phone and dialled the number Giles had written at the bottom of the letter.

"Hello?"

"Giles?"

"Xander! How are you? I was worried sick here. Dawn called me yesterday, but she didn't have much to say." The watcher's voice was filled with concern.

"I'm feeling a little... better. Just, sore... I guess."

"You seem to have trouble talking..."

"Oh, it's not as... bad as it was."

"Well, I'm glad to hear from you."

"Not as glad as I am. We miss you here... G-man."

"You haven't change a bit. It's good. And I miss all of you too."

"Why aren't you coming back then?"

"I... I can't. Xander, it's not... that I don't want to, but... I just can't."

"Why? I just don't... understand why? Is it Buffy?"

"Yes, actually yes it's her." The watcher seemed annoyed and incredibly tired. Xander could even imagine him cleaning his glasses right then. "I can't go back, she doesn't need me and..."

"Doesn't need you? Are you stupid? Look G-man... I think you need... new glasses."

"What are you talking about?"

"She's completely... drowning. She needs someone... to put her back on track. And we can't do that. You're the one she trusts the most in her life. She needs you!"

"Xander..."

"No Giles. Don't argue. Just... get your ass back here." He coughed. "That hurts..."

"Are you quite right?" Giles seemed concerned.

"Yes, but I think... I should go now." Xander felt like his voice was leaving him.

"Yes. Well, I'll think about it. Just rest and take care of yourself."

"I'll do that. You, don't think too much. Just follow your heart G-man."

"Sure Xander. Take care."

"Bye."

Xander put the phone back on the cradle with the feeling that he had done something right. //He didn't even ask me not to call him G-man. I'm sure he'll come back and everything will be all right, like when he was here.//

He looked at the ceiling and began to think about the way Spike was acting. //He is weird. I mean, one minute he's all 'I'm gonna kill ya when that bloody chip's gone' then he saves me and takes care of me. He's even better at this than my own parents. They never bothered to make sure I was comfortable... And his eyes are so beautiful...//

He opened his eyes suddenly, shocked by his thoughts. //What? No, no, his eyes are NOT beautiful, that's not what I meant... Oh, who am I kidding? // He closed his eyes again. //Just face it Xander, he HAS beautiful eyes. So blue and... penetrating. They look human... almost.//

Part 5

Xander stayed awaked for most of the day. About an hour after his phone call to Giles, Willow came in to visit and she filled him in on the latest news.

"Tara and I are going out this Saturday. We're not officially back together, but it's a start. I don't want to blow it this time. I'll be the perfect girlfriend, no magic, no playing with minds. I love her so much."

"I'm proud of you Willow."

"Thanks Xan... I'm proud of you too... Even if you do make life changing choices at the last minute. We'll work it out, don't you think? We did make some terrible mistakes, but we'll work it through. Right?"

"I'm sure we will. You've already started, which is good. Now it's my turn."

"First thing I think you need to do is talk to Anya. She just disappeared after... well you know."

"You can say it Will. After I left her at the altar on what was supposed to be the most beautiful day of my life, but will be remembered as the day I screwed up the most, *and* ended up being beaten almost to death by a big orange horned demon with my saviour being a chipped evil undead vampire." He stopped, trying to catch his breath.

"Wow! That about sums it up."

"Yeah. By the way, do you know why Spike comes here every night? It's not like we're best buds or anything. In fact, we kind of share a mutual hatred." //Right? //

Willow shifted uneasily on the chair.

"I... I... I don't know. We thought that... He won't tell us why."

"Will, you know you're not good at lying. Tell me the truth, now."

"Xander... I don't think I should be the one to tell you. Ask him."

"I did and he said he didn't know why."

"Well, maybe it's because he really doesn't know why." She seemed sincere, //but I'm sure she's hiding something.//

"You believe that? I mean, why would Spike, of all people, do something when he doesn't know why ? Don't you think it's a bit out of character? We're talking about

Spike here!"

"I know. He does seem to be acting out of character but I really don't know why he's doing this." She said, looking away.

"Willow, look, I know you and I know you're hiding something from me, why don't you just tell me and be done with it?"

She looked at him and sighed.

"Ok... But don't freak out ok?"

"Why would I freak?"

"Well... The demon that attacked you, it's... it's a demon for hire... people pay it to kill."

"A killer demon? Wait a minute, that means someone wants me dead, doesn't it?"

"You could say that. We're trying to find out who it is, but we... the only one that comes to mind is..."

"Anya! You think she's back on vengeance ground?"

"We don't think, Xan', we know."

"What?"

"Halfrek, you remember her?" He nodded, how can he forget. "Well, she came to us the day after the wedding to tell us that D'Hoffryn had offered to give Anya her job back. And that she had accepted."

"Why would Halfrek come and tell you?"

"Well, she heard about the demon attack and she said that no matter what you did to

Anya, you were still a good guy and she didn't want anything to happen to you."

Willow looked at her friend. //A bit late for that.//

"So, Anya sent that demon after me and Spike killed it, making my ex-fiancée royally pissed, and now the peroxide menace thinks he needs to protect me? Did I get that right?"

"Kind of. We don't know how pissed she is, we don't know if she wanted to kill you or just hurt you..." //God make it the latter. // "...we don't know how to contact her and we don't really know why Spike keeps coming back as soon as the sun sets."

Xander looked in her eyes. //Are you sure about that? //

"Stop looking at me like that. I swear he never told me. I might have some idea, but I don't know the true reason." //Idea? //

"I don't care. Just tell me what you think."

Willow looked at him, then shook her head.

"All right. He seems to care a lot for you. You know, like he likes you."

"Like me? You're aware it's Spike you're talking about, right?"

"Yes." She sighed. "Xander, face it. He's there for you and he takes care of you, what more do you need to prove to you that he cares?" //Nothing, I know that he cares, it's just...// Xander pushed that thought aside.

"He's a vampire, he's not suppose to care."

"He's not like any other vampire. He's different. I talked a lot about it with Buffy and Tara. He can love and everything. He's like an anomaly among other vampires, he has feelings most of them don't. He cares for all of us. It's like he's our black knight."

//Black knight... That fits him well. // Xander closed his eyes and thought about how Spike had looked at him that morning or the night before. //He looked concerned and worried. About *me*. A vampire concerned about a human. Well, I doubt he's very welcome in the vampire community. //

"I think you're right Will."

"I... He likes you a lot you know. Despite all the comments and insults. The first night, he held your hand all night and he kept begging you to wake up." //*What??// "That was when he thought I wasn't looking. When he realised I was there, he let go of your hand and insulted you." She laughed lightly. Xander turned to look at her. Her eyes were full of tears.

"Why are you crying?"

"That night, we all thought that... you... that you were..." She stopped, sobbing.

"Oh, Will. Please, don't cry. I'm fine, everything will be ok, including me." She looked at him and smiled, drying the tears. She took him in her arms and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks to Spike."

"Yeah, big thanks to the Big Bad." He smiled and she let go of him.

"I have to go. I have a class in an hour. Take care, ok?"

"I promise I won't move." She laughed and said goodbye.

Part 6

Shortly after Willow left, his parents arrived. They talked to the doctor, who told them approximately the same thing he'd told Spike that morning. When he told them that someone should stay with Xander when he eventually went home, they started arguing about who should stay and finally realised neither of them wanted to. They told the doctor that they couldn't, but that they'd make sure someone was there. //You can't my ass. You just don't want to. You've never wanted to stay with me anyhow. Like I care...//

Finally, they left and Xander was alone with the doctor once again.

"How are you feeling today Alexander?"

"Much better doctor. My throat doesn't ache anymore and I can talk normally."

"That's good. You should be able to leave tomorrow evening. I'm just going to run some tests to make sure everything is healing properly and the results should be in tomorrow morning. After that, you'll have to get one of your friends to take care of you at home. I don't want you to be alone for at least the next week or so. Do you understand, young man ?"

"Yes, doc, I'll make sure to have my private nurse." Xander smiled and the doctor did the same.

"Well, you can ask your friend Spike if he wants to help. I'm sure he'll be glad you asked him."

"Yeah, I'll think about it." He sighed realising something. "By the way doc, I don't know your name."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Victor Philipps. You can call me Doctor Vic if you like, most of my patients do."

"Doctor Vic. Hey that sounds good." Doctor Philipps laughed lightly.

"Well, thanks."

The doctor stayed a bit longer, running his tests and left around noon. Xander felt incredibly tired, but his stomach wouldn't let him sleep. Finally, he rang for a nurse and she brought him a sandwich and some jello, which he ate eagerly. He then tried to make himself more comfortable, but the pain in his shoulders made it difficult. He stayed on his back looking at the ceiling, while the pain subsided. After some time, his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

When he woke up, night had come and Spike was in the chair, his eyes closed. //Is he asleep? You can never tell with a vampire. Damn that non-breathing thing. //

Xander tried to turn on his side, to have a better look at the vampire. "Ahhh." //It still hurts like hell! // Looking at Spike, Xander realised that he hadn't moved. //If he were awake, he'd be helping me right now so he must be sleeping. He seems peaceful, almost harmless like this.// The sleeping vampire had his arms wrapped around his chest and his legs on the arm of the chair. //Nothing like an evil undead killer. I wonder if vampires dream? If so, what do they dream about? Killing, scaring people? Probably. That's what they do for an unliving, isn't it? //

He smiled lightly and looked warmly at Spike. //He does look kinda nice when he's asleep. His face is all relaxed and beautiful... What? Oh God, Xanman, I think you need help. //

He closed his eyes and turned his head away from Spike. //I already admitted that he had beautiful eyes, so why not a beautiful face too? You can't really take the eyes away from the rest of the face... Oh Xan, do as Willow said, face it! He is a handsome man... vampire, a handsome vampire, Xan, *vampire*. Don't ever forget that. Well, he looks nice for a vampire. He has those amazing cheekbones and that scar on his eyebrow, that looks so sexy. // Xander swallowed. //I can't believe I'm actually thinking that! He's a guy for God's sake! //

He opened his eyes and looked at the vampire again. Xander warmed immediately at the sight. //He takes good care of me and nobody even asked him to. It's the first time something like this has happened to me. My parents never bothered to make sure I was alright and even Anya had to be reminded to look out for me. // He smiled at the sleeping form. //I just hope he isn't playing with my feelings, 'cause that would just be the worst. I think I'm starting to like him... a lot. //

Part 7

Suddenly, Spike shifted in the chair. Xander turned his eyes away from him and looked at the ceiling.

"Hey Xan'."

"Hey Spike. Slept well?" He said, turning his eyes back on the vampire.

"Didn't mean to, but yeah. You?"

"Like a baby, thanks."

"Good. Wanna sit up?"

"Yeah, please."

"S'ok. S'why I'm here." He gently helped Xander to sit down and carefully placed the pillows behind him. When he turned to go back to the chair, Xander reached out and grabbed his arm. Spike turned around and looked at him curiously.

"I..." //What do I want to say again? Oh yeah... This is hard. // "I just... wanted to say thanks. For everything. For saving my life, for taking care of me... hell, you're better at it then my own parents you know?" //There, I said it. It's not so bad. //

Spike seemed speechless. With his free hand, he grabbed the one that was on his arm and took it between his two cold hands. He gently caressed it, lowering his eyes. //Why isn't he talking? Did I say something wrong? Oh, that feels good...//

"Er... Spike, you alright?"

The vampire slowly brought his eyes up, to look into Xander's.

"Yeah... m'alright Xan'. I..." //He looks breathless. How can a vampire be breathless? //

Spike shook his head. "Thanks pet." One of his hands let go of Xander's and reached behind him for the chair. He sat down and resumed looking at the floor, never letting the boy's hand go. Xander kept looking at him, more and more puzzled.

//What is he doing? Not that I don't like it... but I'm not *supposed* to like it...// He thought a moment about the look in the vampire's eyes a moment ago. //It was as if what I said meant the world to him... I can't possibly be *that* important... I'm only donut boy. //

"Spike? Why are you doing this?" As if ashamed of what he'd been doing, the vampire suddenly let go of Xander's hand. He looked stunned. Then he shook his head and took the boy's warm hand in his again.

"I dunno Xan'. It jes seem like a good thin' to do. Want me to stop?" //No !// Xander shook his head too and looked into Spike's eyes.

"No. I like it." //Did I really just admit that? //

"Oh. S'ok then?" He seemed almost lost.

"Spike? What's up with you? You're wigging me out."

"I..." He licked his lips nervously and stood up. Xander kept his eyes on him. The vampire slowly placed his hands on each side of the bed, letting Xander's hand go, and looked into the boy's eyes, his face dangerously close.

"I dunno. Jes know that I wanna..." He closed the gap between them and gently, almost reverently, closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Xander's. //What's happening here? I must be dreaming. *Spike* is *kissing* me. This can't be real...// Warm on cold, cold on warm, so soft, and yet so strong, the feeling was overwhelming. Finally, a moment later, or was it an eternity, the cold lips withdrew slowly.

"...do this." Xander opened his eyes and looked up at Spike, not believing what had just happened.

"Woah... what was that?" He said, breathlessly.

"Dunno. Thought it was pretty obvious."

"Ok, Spike, now you're going to answer me honestly. You're really wigging me out and I want to know what's going on."

"Nothin's goin' on."

"Nothing's going on my ass. You just kissed me." //And I liked it...// He shook his head.

"Sorry pet, I..."

"You what Spike?" //Why do I have to be so harsh, he seems as lost as I am.//

"I... I think I should go..." He took his duster from the back of the chair and walked to the door. Xander took a deep breath.

"No, please, don't go..." Spike looked back at him. "Stay." //What am I doing? Well Xanman, seems like you don't want the undead guy who just kissed you to leave...//

Spike hesitated then turned around and sat back in the chair, taking Xander's hand back in his own.

"Ok..."

Xander felt butterflies in his stomach, while Spike gently caressed the palm of his hand. //This is weird, but soothing. Oh God. What is happening to me? //

Slowly he felt himself relax and realised that Spike too seemed more relaxed. He turned his head and looked at the vampire. He still had his head bent and was looking at their intertwined hands, his thumbs brushing lightly over Xander's palm. He seemed completely absorbed by his task, but Xander knew that he was thinking about what had just happened. Maybe he really didn't know what had made him kiss Xander, maybe he was asking himself the same questions Xander was.

The vampire turned his eyes away from their hands, looking directly at him. The butterflies began to fly again in his stomach and he ached to kiss the cold lips in front of him. He tried to look away, but he found he couldn't. He was fixated on the vampire's lips and eyes, going from one to the other.

//Oh Xander, face it.// Willow's voice echoed in his head. //I'm facing it Will, I am. And I want him to kiss me again.// Carefully, he lifted his free hand and gently brushed the vampire's cheek.

Part 8

"Oh. My. God." The two men turned around at the sound.

"Anya?" Xander jumped. Pain shot through his shoulders and he closed his eyes at the sensation. Spike reached for him, his eyes never leaving the vengeance demon in the doorway.

"You left me at the altar for *SPIKE*?" She was screaming and clearly back to vengeance, if her face was any clue.

"What?" Xander looked at Spike, who still had his arms around him and was giving Anya a strange look, then at his ex-fiancée. //This is *so* not happening. // "No, Anya... Let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain! I want revenge!"

All the lights in the room went off as Anyanka began to glow and floated a few inches off the floor. The room was filled with smoke and her scream of vengeance sounded more like thunder. She was aiming a lightning bolt at Xander when the door opened and Halfrek entered.

"Now, now Anyanka, you don't want to kill him in the hospital do you?" She had a calm attitude, but Xander caught a hint of annoyance in her tone.

//Maybe she's really pissed at Anya... God knows why... But hey, she made her stop. // Anya had gotten her feet back on the ground and the smoke was dissipating.

"Hallie, you should let me do my job. I have a scorned woman to help here."

"No Anyanka, you're taking revenge for yourself. You know you don't have the right to use your powers for yourself." Hallie looked over at Xander and Spike and she locked eyes with the vampire.

"That's why I sent the demon in the first place, but he couldn't do the job properly. You can't even trust them anymore." Xander looked disbelievingly at her.

"Ok... stop. YOU sent that demon after me. I almost died. I think I got the lesson. No need for a proper death, don't you think?" He looked hopefully at Spike and Halfrek. But neither of them was listening to him. They were still staring at each other.

"William? Is that you? I mean, I know it's you, I just need to hear it." Halfrek seemed completely lost and about to cry.

Xander felt a tingle in his stomach. //What is that? // Realisation hit him. //No, I'm not jealous... I can't be jealous... I don't love him...// He forced his thoughts away from the sensation and focused on the scene in front of him.

"Spike, the name's Spike. William was a bloody wanker." He muttered. "Who are ya?"

"You don't remember me?" She seemed hurt.

"Not with the bloody mask. Jes drop it. Think I got an idea." Spike was defiant.

Hallie looked at him apprehensively. She glanced down and shook her head. When she looked back at the vampire, she was free of wrinkles and such. //She's beautiful... Why doesn't she wear her human face more often? //

"Bloody Hell!" Xander was startled by the vampire's tone. "S'what I thought. Cecily. Can't say s'nice to see ya again, 'cept for the saving Xan part." Xander looked at Spike with curiosity. //Who is she? Cecily? Wasn't that the girl that...//

"That's the girl who sent you right into Dru's arms?" Spike and Hallie looked at Xander.

"What's he talking about? Who's Dru?"

"That'd be me dark goddess, Drusilla. Had a bloody good time together, we did. More than a century. She left me for a bloody chaos demon while we were in Brazil... Before the bloody soldier boys got me chipped that is." The vampire turned to look at ander. "That'd be her."

"That'd be me what?"

"Remember that nice party? Bloody awful poet they said I was. And you..."

She interrupted. "Don't say it, I remember."

"Well, I left. When a bloke's told he's beneath the woman he loves, he tries to hide. S'what I did. Went in an alley and met Dru. She said she wanted me for eternity." Spike laughed dryly. He stopped suddenly, realising that nobody was quite getting the joke.

"She turned me." He added seriously. While he talked, he didn't take his eyes off Halfrek. Xander watched her reaction, not missing the guilt that appeared in the end. //Seems like she's regretting what she said then... Too late... Well, I don't really have a say in that department, I'm the King of Too Lates...//

"I'm sorry." She whispered, so low Xander had to concentrate to hear it.

"Don't want your *sorries*... I like me unlife. S'better than me life was, it is."

"I'm sorry to interrupt this oh so sweet conversation, but, Hallie, can we go now, 'cause if we don't I might get angrier and kill Xander no matter what you say." //God, how could I love *that*? She's annoying. //

"Yes, go now, go... I'm not really wanting death right now." He looked hopefully at Halfrek.

She looked at him, then back at Spike. "Just a second Anyanka. I've got some personal business to finish here. You can go and I'll follow in a few minutes... Go, now." Finally, Anya left.

Halfrek stepped up in front of Spike, on the opposite side of Xander's bed.

"I know you don't care what I think now. Being in your situation, I wouldn't. I really want you to know, though, that I never deserved your love. Not then, not now. I finally realised that after we heard you had died. We talked about you for months, recalling your verses." Seeing Spike shrug, she added. "We never again laughed. One of the men actually wanted to try and publish your work, but not one poem was ever found." Spike seemed surprised.

"They say you never appreciate what you have until it's gone. Well it's true. I can't take back what I said, but I can try to make up for it."

Looking at the two of them, Xander felt the tingles coming back. //Stop it... stupid belly. You don't understand. *I'm. Not. Jealous*. I can't... Oh stupid, stupid Xander. You ARE jealous. Just get over it.// He closed his eyes as he realised just how much he had come to care for the bleached vampire.

"What'd ya wanna do?"

"Well, I know where your love lies now, even if you don't know already. I'll do whatever I can to protect it. I didn't deserve your love, as I said before, but this person does, so I'll just make sure nothing happens to the object of your affection." //Buffy... It must be Buffy. I knew they were together, I'm not an idiot... Naked push-ups in bed... really...//

"What? Ya gonna take care of me love? Can bloody well do that meself..."

"I know, I'm just gonna keep an eye on things... You can't be everywhere. Now, I need to go, before Anyanka comes back and does something stupid." She took Spike in her arms and whispered in his ears, just loud enough for Xander to hear it.

"Take good care of him. He deserves it..." Spike hugged her back then looked at her not quite getting the insight.

"Well, take care. S'been fun."

She smiled.

"Bye... William." She waved her arm and disappeared.

Part 9

"Well, that was weird." Spike and Xander turned around and came face to face with the doctor.

"Doctor Vic! Er... Hi." Xander didn't know what to say. //How much did he see? How do you explain this mess? //

"Hi, Xander. I see you've got weird friends that disappear... Well... care to explain?"

"S'difficult, doc." Spike answered for him.

"I see... Well, let me sit down and then... I think I deserve an explanation." Xander watched as Doctor Philipps turned and gripped a chair, as if to steady himself. //Reality comes kicking in. At least, it seems as if he'll actually believe us... and we could use a doctor on our side...//

Spike looked at Xander and he nodded. //Go ahead fangless...// The vampire waited for the doctor to sit and then he began.

"First thing first... most fairy tales are real. Demons, magic and vampires, that s'all real..." Spike carried on, with some help from Xander and an hour later, they had told everything to the doctor, except the part where Spike is actually a vampire and Buffy died.

"So, you're telling me the blonde girl was your fiancée? and you left her at the altar?" Xander nodded painfully. //Yeah... I'm stupid...// "So she sent a... a demon to kill you, and that's why you ended up here?" Xander nodded again. "Well, that explains a lot." He looked around to make sure no nurse was listening in. "Ok, listen. I believe you. I was actually wondering how you and your friends ended up with such extensive medical records. Now, I know. I'm going to take over every one of your cases. If anything happens, you call me. An apocalypse or just a random fight. I won't ask any questions and I'll make sure no one does... Do we have a deal?" Xander looked disbelievingly at the doctor.

"You'd do that for us?"

"Yes, absolutely. It seems you save all our butts every once in a while, so I can at least make sure you receive good medical care without having to answer awkward question. I'll even give you my personal phone and pager numbers. How's that?" Xander looked at Spike, then back at the doctor.

"Wow... thanks. I wasn't even sure you'd believe us..."

"Yeah, doc. I think it's a good idea. The lot of them needs someone to back 'em up."

"How about you?"

"Well doc, if ya can find a pulse in me. I'll give ya a bloody award..." The doctor looked at him, puzzled. Then realisation hit him.

"You're... you're a..."

"A vampire. Yeah." Seeing the doctor shrug, he explained everything about his turning and the chip.

"Well, that explains a lot. Now Xander, you need to rest. I'm... I'm going to have a strong coffee... and try to make some sense of all this..." He left the room, rubbing his forehead.

Part 10

"Well Xan, that wasn't so hard."

"Yeah... Spike? ..."

"What? Do ya need anything pet?" Spike's voice sent shivers through Xander's body. //Again with the taking care of me... I think I love it when he does that...//

"About... before we were interrupted..." Spike looked into Xander's eyes. He closed them and when they opened again, the vampire could've drowned in them. //Kiss me already! // Spike placed his hands on either side of the boy's face and slowly closed the gap between them, his cold lips resting on the warm ones. //Oh God... This is so good... His lips are so soft...// Xander gave in to the kiss and started to respond, his tongue teasing the vampire's lips, seeking entrance. Spike gave it to him and soon, they were both kissing passionately, as if nothing else existed but that very moment.

Finally, Xander broke the kiss, desperate for air. Panting, he looked at Spike and realised the vampire was panting as much as him. //And here I thought vampires didn't breathe... Wow, this was amazing... He turned my insides to jello... I'm sure if I had been standing, I would've collapsed... No one ever made me feel like this with a simple kiss...//

"Spike... I..." He shook his head.

"What? Ya gonna say it didn't mean anything? Bloody hell..." The vampire looked totally lost and even a bit angry. //No!! It meant something, I liked it... Oh God... looks like Xander junior liked it too...//

"No... Spike... I'm not gonna say anything like that... In fact, it's quite the opposite..." Xander felt himself blush, suddenly shy, and his eyes turned away. //Did he notice? //

"What love? Ya need me to take care of something for ya, do ya?" //What?? Oh... He noticed. //

"No... It's not..." Xander shook his head and felt Spike's hands stopping him. The vampire leaned down and kissed him again, this time Xander could feel so much passion and lust that the sensation overwhelmed him. Never releasing Xander's lips, the vampire trailed his hands down the boy's body careful not to cause any pain.

//Oh God! Don't stop, don't stop...// Xander was beyond coherent thoughts. The only things that mattered were the sensations the vampire's hands were giving him. He felt them slowly pull the sheet away and stop.

//What? ...// He groaned in frustration, then firmly took the vampire's head in his hands and looked into the deep blue eyes.

"Why... why did you stop? I... I didn't... Did I...?" //Did I do something wrong? I don't even know if I actually DID something...// His eyes reflected his thoughts.

"Oh no, Xan... luv... It's jes that I don't wanna do this here... It's a bit open... an' with you all patched up and smelling like the watcher's first aid kit. Tomorrow, I get ya home, I'll give ya a bath, and then we'll have some fun... Ok?" Xander felt himself blush and lowered his eyes.

//Oh God... I think I'm crazy... Here I am, frustrated because SPIKE, of all people, doesn't wanna have SEX with me in the HOSPITAL. God, I'm pathetic... And am I really thinking of having sex with a vampire??? And not just any vampire! SPIKE...//

Spike lowered his head towards Xander's ear and whispered. "I can even take a bath with ya, if ya want..." Xander's eyes widened and he shivered as images of naked vampire and water played in his head. //Oh God... Oh God...// Spike smiled and pulled back a bit from the bed.

"Ya should sleep now luv. I'm sure ya'll have very good dreams tonight..." Xander looked at the vampire, still speechless. Finally, he whispered. "Oh yeah."

//Maybe this is exactly what is suppose to happen. Maybe this is where I can find my happiness... Maybe I've been blind all my life and now is the time to face it, like Willow said... Maybe she even knew I was hiding something from myself and that's why she said it... Maybe... Oh stop with the *maybes*... Just face it: You lo... no, like Spike... very much... and now have very naughty images of him flowing through your head and... Oh yeah, I WANT him... There, I said it... it wasn't SO hard. //

As he was thinking this, Xander closed his eyes and rearranged himself on the bed with some help from Spike. The cuts to his shoulders were still very painful, but less than before and he could move comfortably if he was careful. Finally, he drifted off to sleep.

Part 11

***Spike POV

// I dunno what happened. One minute they're all jes happy meals on legs and the next I can't bear to think about any o' them hurtin'. 'Specially Xan. Yeah 'specially the whelp. He needs someone to back him up. Needs someone to watch over him or he'll jes get himself killed...

Why should that bother me? I'm a bloody soulless vampire, for Hell's sake. Can't even do that part right. Damn. Always was a stupid wanker. S'pose that doesn't change much now, does it?

He's there. Sleepin'. An' the only thing I can think of is how bloody good his lips felt on mine. Ya know. Like fire. Coursin' through my body, makin' me alive for a second... One bloody second. It's all it took. Now, I'm hooked. - God, I rhymed. - // He chuckled.

// Can't get away. Don't wanna... Honest, when I saw him all bloody then, thought I could die... I did ya know. Told meself : if he's dead, then I'll get to see the sunrise. I can tell ya that, 'cause hey, you're just my head, right? My mind. How crazy is that? ME talkin' to me mind like this?

I want him to get well, so I can tell him what's really botherin' me. Bloody hell... I can be so soddin' blind... A hundred and 20some years and still don't know meself that well. Should have known. I always fall for the weak ones... Not that Xan's weak. Far from it. But he still needs someone to watch over him. I can do that. Can take care o' him 'til he gets old and wrinkly... Bloody hell. Then he'll go dyin' on me. Again. 'Cause it's like he died the other day. When he woke up, I knew he wasn't the same. M'sure he felt it too. He almost died. An' I was there.

Thought I loved the slayer. I don't. Like her, I do. But I don't love her. I can't love her. I'm drawn to her. Like a bloody power source. 'Cause she's powerful. But she's not what I'm cravin'. I need someone to take care of, someone who'll take care o' me too. Not someone to beat me up every time she's feelin' bad 'cause the watcher left her, like all the other men in her world. First the poof, well, that seems to be a habit of his, doesn't it? Then soldier boy. Never liked him. Too clean. An' well, too dirty too. An' then the watcher. Dunno what Rupe was thinkin', but he chose a bloody bad time to decide to go get a life. Should've stayed here. Kiss the slayer and make up. Always knew they were good for each other. They just don't know yet.

And then there's Xan. He almost left her too. She felt so bad. The first day, she came to me crypt an' cried. Reminded me of when she told me 'bout her 'stay' in heaven. She felt she could tell me. 'Cause I wouldn't tell anyone. She loves him like a friend and a close one at that. Like a brother she said. Couldn't stand it if he died. She thanked me. That's when I realised I couldn't either. Live without him that is.

An' when I felt his body, jes a moment, or maybe an hour, ago, I thought I could die from the heat. I smelled his arousal an' I hoped... hoped he could... bloody hell. I'm soundin' like the bleedin' poof here. I hoped he could *accept* me as I am. All fangy an' grr an' stuff. There, I said it. Don't go laughin' at me, stupid head. I know I'm lost. Lost meself to him.

An' his body... mmm can't dream of how it would feel to have him pressed against me chest. I wasn't jokin', 'bout the bath. I wanna lay him in warm water, his back pressed to me chest, kissing his jaw, his shoulder... Oh yeah... I want him. I'm burnin' for him. Can't wait to get him home.

I wanna claim him.

I never did that. Claim a human that is. Know Angelus didn't either. Wouldn't bother. 'Don't go play with your food, lad', he told me. But I know some vampires do it.

It's a ritual. But the human has to be willin'. Well in my case anyway, 'cause the chip... well ya know. Can't hurt him. Don't wanna.

If I do, claim him that is, then he'll be mine. Mine for his whole life. Which will be a little longer than his mates...

Shouldn't be thinkin' 'bout that. He won't want to. He'll tell me to sod off an' leave him alone. He'll never love me...

Well, then what was it ? Why did he kiss me ? Why did he want me to do it again? Why...? Well, maybe he wants me. Hell, I bloody know he wants me. Smelled it. Can still smell it now. Fainter, but still there.

The boy wants me. But 'm sure he doesn't love me. Not like I want him to... Bloody poof I am. I can't get away from him. Even daylight hours are hard to get through. I jes stand there in me crypt, looking at the mess an' thinkin' 'bout him here an' all wrapped up.

Wanna unwrap him. In many ways. Yeah... Ya get what I mean.

But I can't.

Can't do it. At least, not now. He needs to get well. 'Cause, ya know, he'll be better, an' everyone'll be better then. Me included. Can't see my unlife without him now. Wouldn't be the same. I've fallen. I know.

Bloody hard even. An' I never saw it comin'.

Part 12

***Spike's POV

// Dawn's comin'. I don't wanna leave him... But I have to. No need to get dusted, is there ?

He looks so peaceful. He's smilin' in his sleep. Wonder what he's dreamin' of ? // The vampire was smiling fondly at the boy. He got up and leaned over the sleeping form.

"Take care o' yerself today. 'M goin' to be back tonight luv." With that, he kissed Xander's lips tenderly.

"He does looks like sleeping beauty, doesn't he?"

Spike jumped and turned around.

"Doctor Vic! You... startled me." The doctor was grinning.

"I see that." He looked the vampire from head to toe. "So, he doesn't like you?"

"Well, I dunno if he likes me, he didn't say, but..." // I love him. // Doctor Vic looked at Spike with an understanding look.

"I know. You should go, I'll make sure that he stays in until the sun goes down, so you can come and pick him up, ok?"

"Thanks doc!" Doctor Phillips nodded.

"Go now. Get home safely." Looking at Xander, he added: "I'm sure he'll be really 'pissed' if you don't come back tonight."

"Yeah. I know. Might go to his apartment an' make sure everythin's fine for when he comes home."

"That's a pretty good idea."

"If you wanna do that, fangless, you might need my keys..." Both men turned towards the bed in shock.

"You should see your faces!" Xander laughed. "Ohh God, that still hurts..." In a second Spike was beside him, trying to help ease the pain. "I'm ok, Spike. The keys are in my tux pocket. Or at least they were there last time I checked. You should go now. The sun's almost up."

"Er.. Pet?"

"Yeah?"

"Only one problem. I never got invited in."

"You're always welcome into my home, Blondie."

"Since when?"

The doctor was watching their dialogue with interest.

"I guess... since last night. And since you saved my life."

Spike seemed speechless. // He... trusts me! //

"Thanks. Luv." He licked his lips and looked at the window. "I'm going now. Take care."

"I promise I won't leave before you come back. You can use the bathroom and the bed if you want."

Spike looked at Xander liked he had grown horns on his forehead. "Xan, ya sure ya ok?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well... Seem to recall a " don't touch anythin' rule from when I 'lived' in ya basement."

"Well, that was before you saved my life and kissed me if I remember correctly." Spike looked amazed at Xander's comment.

"Er. Guys? You might want to finish this little conversation later."

"Doctor's right pet. I need to get going."

"Ok. Don't forget the keys." Spike took the keys from the tux's pocket and turned to face Xander.

"Bye Luv." // I really don't wanna go. What's gotten into me ?// He leaned over Xander, not really caring that the doctor was still there, and kissed him one last time. // Gettin' addictive this is. I wanna kiss him all the time. //

Xander gently stroked Spike's cheek while the vampire's tongue tangled with his. Finally, the kiss ended and Xander looked at Spike and smiled tenderly, panting slightly.

"Bye. Fangless." Spike growled lightly. "Don't go all grrr on me, Spike. I know you like it !"

// I know I do. Jes don't wanna crush my image too much... I love everything you say, love...// Spike shook his head and turned towards the door.

"Doctor, ya take care o' him. Will ya ?"

"Sure, but I still need to get some sleep too, you know. I'll make sure one of the nurses is always around."

"You do that." With that, the vampire finally left.

Part 13

***Spike's POV

As soon as he was out of the hospital, Spike started running. He knew he needed to hurry if he wanted to get to the apartment before he turned to dust. He made it safely just before the first ray of sunshine. He wasn't sure he could get in, since the invite had been made from the hospital, but he gave it a chance, he didn't really have any other choice. He turned the key in the lock and opened the door.

Looking inside, he first tried to put his right foot inside, bracing himself for the barrier that might block his attempt. So he lifted his foot and... walked right through the doorway. Finally inside, Spike couldn't believe it had worked. Never before had he heard of an invite working from afar. But still, there he was, in Xander's apartment.

He searched for the bathroom. He wanted to take a shower to wash away the awful hospital smell... And the hard on he had had since the night before.

He slowly took off all of his clothes. Imagining he was doing it for Xander and Xander alone. He couldn't understand why he had never seen him before. How he could've been so blind as to not see what a beautiful, loyal and brave young man Xander was. Sure, some of his jokes were annoying and he had a thing for insults, but that was exactly what was so appealing in him right now. He needed light. And Xander was exactly that. A bright light.

//I was bloody blind. But now I see him. Won't let him go. Ever.// He was now naked. He started the water, setting it to warm, and stepped into the shower. He let the water rain on him for a long time, just feeling the heat of it. His cold body began to warm at the contact. //Must be what it feels like to be with Xan. All warm and soft. Buffy was too bloody cold. Loved it at the time. But now I know it wasn't what I need. Need somebody warm by my side. Somebody alive, I need Xander. //

At the thought of Xander and his warmth, Spike's cock twitched, reminding the vampire of his painful erection. He closed his eyes and started imagining Xander's body. His eyes, his lips //Oh yeah// - he moaned -, his neck, his broad shoulders, his torso, his hips, his thighs, his ass - another moan escaped his lips. Finally, grabbing a hold of his cock, he imagined Xander's hands, slowly stroking him, //Jes like that// while the young man was nuzzling his neck, teeth at the point his pulse would have been, sending bolts of ecstasy through the vampire's body.

"Oh yes! Luv... more..." In his fantasy, Xander started pumping harder and faster, his thumb brushing the tip of his cock, his other hand fondling his balls. Squeezing and stroking and squeezing and stroking... Xander let go of Spike's balls and his hand wandered more south and he slowly circled the vampire's entrance. Spike arched at the sensation, he was so close.

"Oh YES... Oh, Xander..." Spike moaned continuously, his eyes still closed, his hands playing Xander's part. One hand still stroking hard, the other came back to his balls, and started squeezing them hard. His balls tightened.

"Oh yes! Luv, I'm coming. Oh XANDER!" His cum splattered on the shower walls and Spike felt his legs starting to give up. Feeling dizzy from his orgasm, he knelt in the shower, the water still running on him and he sat on his heels. He was breathing hard, his eyes still closed.

A few minutes passed, but Spike wasn't willing to give up the fantasy. The water began to turn cold and surprised by that sudden change, Spike opened his eyes and looked in front of him. Still shaking, he pulled himself up and switched off the running water. He opened the shower curtains and picked the towel he had gotten before entering the shower. Still in a haze, he rapidly dried himself and went to put back his clothes, but they smelled. He decided to borrow a pair of jeans from Xander, while he was doing his laundry. //Sure he won't say anything.// He threw his pants and shirt in the washer, along with some clothes of Xander that were in the laundry basket. //Might as well do his laundry, while I'm doing mine.// Looking around the room, the apartment was a complete mess.

"Seems like the demon bint came around." Clothes were scattered everywhere in the bedroom, mostly Xander's clothes, some women's underwear and broken vases and glasses were on the kitchen floor. Also, the table hadn't been cleaned up after the last meal.

"Ewww, gross!" //Bloody Hell ! That sounded like Buffy. I really should stop hanging around her that much! // He thought for a moment. //Looks like I won't be! // And he smiled. Maybe he wouldn't get away from Buffy enough to stop her influence on him, but he'd have Xander by his side. And that was enough. //He'll bloody influence me too! M'already turning into a Nancy boy 'cause of him.// He shook him head and looked around.

"M'cleaning this mess, aren't I?" He shouted. "William the Bloody reduced to doing the laundry for one of the slayer's scoobies..." He mumbled, shaking his head. Still muttering to himself, he started cleaning everything up and an hour later, the apartment was shining. Before going to sleep, Spike put the laundry in the dryer. He then went to the bedroom and got out of Xander's pants. He climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over his head.

He was hit by the scent of Xander merged with that of Anya. Grumbling, he got out of bed and hunted for freshly washed sheets, ones that the bint hadn't slept in since they were last washed. He found a completely new set in the bathroom closet. Smiling widely, he went back to the bedroom and swiftly changed the bedding. Finally, he got back in the bed and sighed. He quickly fell asleep.

Part 14

*** Xander's POV

//Oh God. I'm in love with him.// Xander was still looking at the door, almost a minute after Spike had left. //I'm falling in love with an evil soulless 'thing'. How did that happen? // He shook his head and smiled broadly. //I really don't care. He might be a vampire. Hell, he might be a 'man', but I don't care. He's so beautiful. And I'm in love with him.

He takes care of me when I need him. He... maybe he even loves me. // His left hand went to his lips. //And he's such a good kisser. //

Doctor Vic cleared his throat. Xander jumped and looked at him.

"Oh... Sorry Doc."

"No need to be sorry. I'll go check on my other patients. I'm leaving in about an hour. If you need anything, call for me. All right?"

"Yes. Thank you so much doctor." Xander smiled at him. //Thank you for everything. Hey, I seem to be doing that a lot these last few days... Thanking everyone...//

"No problem Xander. You should rest a little. I'll come see you just before I leave." Doctor Vic waved goodbye and left the room, leaving Xander alone to think.

//Well, my life couldn't get more screwed up.// His eyes were locked on the ceiling, his hands lightly resting on his stomach. //I leave my fiancée at the altar. She becomes demony AGAIN. Sends that stupid orange horned demon after me. I'm saved by the Bleached Wonder, and I fall in love with said saviour! How screwed is that? // He shook his head. //Really screwed. But you know, for the first time in my life, I really don't care about what people will say. Spike makes me feel things I never thought I could feel. And that kiss... Wow... There's no better word to describe it. And I feel as if it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Falling in love with him.

Maybe all my life I was living a lie. Maybe I was gay from the start and never could bring myself to believe it. I wonder how it feels to make love to a man. Hell, how do you make love to a VAMPIRE? I never thought those two words went together well, love and vampire... I know Drusilla and Spike were in love, but it was more of a sick, twisted kind of love. Well, that's what it looked like to me. Maybe it wasn't like that for them. Maybe a vampire really can love. Maybe Spike is in love with me? ... Er, I think I asked that already...

I remember what I told Joyce just before the attack. Maybe letting him in my life is the way to make me happy. If I don't let all those stumbling blocks, like the fact that he's a vampire, a male one for that matter, get in the way of what I feel... maybe that's the way to be happy.// He closed his eyes. //I'll give it a try. //

A cough startled him. He opened his eyes and looked at the doorway.

"GILES!" He shouted, really surprised to see the Englishman in the hospital... Hell surprised to see him in America! "What are you doing here? I mean... when did you get back ?"

"My plane landed at three o'clock this morning. I drove all the way here from LA airport."

"My God, you must be exhausted!"

"Oh, I am. I just wanted to check on you before I go see Buffy and the others." He blushed. //He's scared. Scared of what the others will say. //

"G-man, you're a coward." He stated. Giles blinked.

"Wha... You're right. I'm a coward." They both exploded in laugher. Xander stopped abruptly, the pain in his shoulder becoming intense for a second.

"Ouch!"

"Are you quite all right?"

"Yeah. Just a little pain. I should really know better than to laugh like this... It's not the first time it's happened since the accident."

"Well, one can't really avoid a good laugh, Xander. I'm happy to see you're recovering fast."

"Thanks, but no changing of subject. You know the gang will be happy to see you. They might be angry with you at first, but they'll get over it. Don't worry. Buffy might not speak to you for a few days, but she'll be so happy that you're back that she won't put up much of a fight." He smiled at the ex-librarian.

"Well, I expect her to yell very disturbing things to me, throw some tomatoes and probably act as though I wasn't there."

"That'd be what the old Buffy would do. This one will only look at you, pain in her eyes, and speak very coldly." Giles seemed taken aback by Xander's comment.

"You mean she's that different from her old self?"

"Since you left, it's much worse than before. She's closing in, not letting anyone into her little world."

"Well, I really should go see her then. Maybe I can help with that."

"You try what you can G-man. And you call me when you find the old Buffy. If there's anyone that can do it, it's you!" Xander smiled. //I would really like to see the old Buffy return. I miss her. //

"I'll do my best. Now when are you getting out of this place?"

"Tonight. Spike is coming to take me home." Giles raised an eyebrow.

"Spike?" Xander blushed and lowered his eyes.

"Er... yeah. He kinda took care of me a lot this last week. He offered to stay with me for as long as the doctor says it's necessary." //And even longer after that... How will I tell my friends about this? //

"Really? Well, I guess he's finally realised that..." Giles stopped.

"Finally realised what?"

"Oh... nothing. More like he's finally come to terms with not being the Big Bad anymore."

"Yeah." Xander looked at Giles and smiled as the watcher yawned. "You should go. You have a long talk with Buffy ahead of you, and you're so tired already... Now go." He waved his hands. Giles looked back at him, smiling, but his eyes reflected his worries.

"Yes, I believe I should go. Take good care of yourself today. I guess I'll see you tonight or tomorrow, when you're ready to have visitors at the apartment."

"Yes. Tomorrow would be good. We could have a Scooby meeting, it'll be just like old times."

"Great! I'll see you tomorrow then." Giles smiled.

"Bye Giles!" Xander waved his hand and Giles left.

Part 15

The day went by rapidly. Doctor Vic came one last time to check on Xander and then left to get some sleep. He said he'd be back before Xander left. Willow, Buffy and Dawn paid Xander a visit, asking if he needed any help with going back home or anything. He told them Spike would take care of everything and saying that, he caught a glimpse of mischief in Dawn's eyes. //Ah! The dawnster is figuring it out. Well, she was always quick at figuring things out. Quicker than many of us.// He smiled at her and her face lit in surprise. //Yup, got it in one Dawnie. //

The others seemed oblivious to the little exchange and Willow started babbling about Giles' return. He hadn't told anyone his reasons for coming, but just as Xander had anticipated, Dawn and Willow rapidly overcame their anger and were very happy to see him. Buffy didn't say a word about it, but Xander could see the pain in her eyes. Giles had really hurt her in leaving. It would take time, but Xander knew Buffy would become her old self again. He never understood why, but it seemed that Buffy and Giles really completed each other and when a part was missing, the other one just fell apart, like Giles had been during the summer. Now that both parts were back together, maybe they wouldn't feel so lonely.

Finally, they all left, saying they had courses to attend, a job to do and friends to see. Left alone, Xander watched TV, read some magazines the girls had brought for him and, near the end of the day, decided to take a little nap.

He was woken up by the sound of Spike picking up all of Xander's things and carefully placing them in a bag he had brought from the apartment. Opening his eyes, Xander smiled at the sight. Spike looked completely adorable, folding Xander's tux carefully, his face a picture of concentration. He was having trouble with the jacket.

"You can throw that away you know." Xander said, startling the vampire.

"What?" Spike asked, looking up at Xander.

"The jacket. I won't actually wear it anymore. It's completely and utterly destroyed, it has two big holes on the shoulders and blood everywhere. You can throw it away. Just make sure there's nothing in the pockets."

"Sure luv. Can do that." Spike smiled at Xander and searched the pockets. Reaching in one of them, he pulled a jewellery box out.

"What's this pet?" Xander looked at the small box Spike's hand. Realising what it was, his breath caught in his throat.

"It's... it's the rings... Damn... I really don't want those..." Spike looked at Xander and placed the box in his own pocket.

"I'll go by the jewellery store tomorrow night. M'pretty sure they'll take them back."

"Thanks Spike." Xander looked relieved. Then he went back to staring at Spike. //He hasn't kissed me yet. Maybe he doesn't want to... Maybe...//

"What luv?"

"What what Spike?"

"Why're ya looking at me like that?"

"I... I don't know." Spike stared back at Xander and smiled. //What the hell is he thinking? // The vampire got up from the chair and threw the jacket in the garbage. Then he went over to the bedside, locking eyes with Xander.

Gently, slowly, he leaned over the boy and closed his eyes. Xander closed his eyes as well and parted his lips slightly.

"S'what ya've been waiting for, innit luv?" Xander couldn't make any sound pass his lips. Instead of speaking, he answered by grabbing Spike's head and bringing their lips together. The coolness of Spike's lips against the warmth of his own brought an intense pleasure in Xander's body and he found himself reacting the exact same way he had the night before.

Spike gently licked Xander's lips, seeking entry. Xander gave it to him eagerly, wanting to feel all of Spike. Their tongues tangled for what seemed like hours and finally, reluctantly, they parted. Xander took a deep breath and opened his eyes, only to find himself drowning in deep blue water. Spike was looking at him, lust and love so easy to see in his eyes.

The moment was broken by the doctor just coming in. He explained some basic treatment rules to Spike and told Xander to call him anytime his friends and him needed medical attention, he'd be very happy to help.

Both men were finally left alone and Spike helped Xander to get dressed, then took him out of the hospital where Xander was very surprised to see Buffy's jeep.

"Slayer lent it to me. Said to take bloody good care o' ya or she'll stake me, and taking care o' ya meant I could have the jeep for the night." Spike smiled and Xander smiled back. //Looks like the buffster just gave Spike the shovel talk. I wonder how she found out? Did Dawn tell her? Or is she just more perceptive than we think? Maybe it's both. Or maybe she hasn't realised anything... Well, anyway, I'll tell them all tomorrow... except if Spike doesn't want me to... maybe he doesn't want them to know...// Spike helped Xander get in the jeep and closed the door. He got in the driver's seat and started the car. The ride passed silently, both men thinking.

//I hope he hasn't forgotten about his promise of a bath. I hate stinking like this and I really want him to give me a bath...// Xander smiled dreamily.

"What are thinking luv? Something good?"

"Oh yeah... I'm thinking about that bath you promised me." Spike chuckled.

"Sure luv. As soon as I get ya home, you eat something while I run the bath. Then we'll have some fun..." Xander blushed and looked out the window. //Oh God... I want him so much... And he's a tease! He knows it... How do I tell my friends about him...? 'Hey guys, I'm gay' doesn't really cover it, but it could be a start...//

They were now in front of Xander's apartment, so the boy put the thought away and opened the door. Spike quickly came to help him get out and after a few minutes later, Xander was seated at his dining table, with a bowl of really good chicken soup, while Spike was running the water in the bathroom...

Part 16

//Oh God... I can't believe myself... I'm here, eating some very nice chicken soup, while SPIKE is preparing me a bath !// Xander felt a knot in his stomach. //I'm scared... or nervous... yes, really nervous...// He gulped. Images of a naked Spike were flooding his head. //Oh God... Oh GOD...//

"Hey luv. Ya finished?" Xander swallowed the last spoonful of soup and looked at Spike. He choked. The vampire was bare chested and he had taken off his shoes and socks as well. //Oh. My. God. I've never seen anything more beautiful than him. // Muscular pale chest, abs to die for. The jeans he wore hung low on the vampire's hips. He was as sexy as hell. Xander couldn't make a sound.

"Like what ya see luv?" Xander gulped and looked into Spike's eyes. He was so aroused he felt like he could explode on the spot.

"Oh yeah !" He moaned. Spike sauntered over to him and kissed him thoroughly. When they parted, Xander was breathless. Spike helped him up and they went in the bathroom, Spike supporting a still shaky Xander.

In the bathroom, Xander sat down on the toilet and tried to get his shoes off. The pain in his shoulder made it impossible for him to bend, so Spike knelt in front of him and carefully pulled his shoes and socks off. He then proceeded to unbutton the boy's shirt and slowly pulled it past the shoulders, trying not to hurt Xander. //He's so careful... It's like I'm made of china or something...// Xander couldn't take his eyes away from Spike's face. The vampire appeared to be concentrating completely on his task.

Xander placed his hand under Spike's chin and lifted his head up. Looking into his bright blue eyes, Xander realised the vampire was almost as scared as he was. The boy slowly leaned forward and kissed Spike's cool lips tenderly.

*** Spike's POV's

It was a very small kiss, but it was enough to push Spike's fears away. Xander wasn't going to reject him. //Couldn't stand it if he did... Had too much of that...//

Spike slowly untucked the shirt from Xander's pants and slid his hands up the tanned body that lay underneath. He stopped as he reached Xander's nipples. He started to slowly circle them and Xander threw his head back, moaning. Spike grinned at his love. He had never had a lover so sensitive. He decided to take their play to the next level. He took his hands from under Xander's shirt which earned him a disappointed moan.

He grabbed the edge of Xander's undershirt in his hands. It was the only barrier between him and tasting the skin his hands had just played on. He nudged Xander lightly to signal that he wanted the shirt off. Xander tried to raise his arms, but the pain made it impossible. He groaned, making Spike raise his eyes away from the skin that was peeking out at him. Spike looked into chocolate brown eyes and saw the pain the boy was in.

"Ya arms that bad luv?"

Xander nodded slightly. A little scared that the vampire would stop the wonderful things he was doing.

"Well, jes have to find another way to get it off, won't we?"

Xander smiled brightly and nodded. Spike smiled back at him.

"Ummm... Maybe I could tear the shirt." Xander looked a little worried.

"But won't you get hurt? You know, the chip... if you hurt me in the process..." Spike kissed Xander lightly. //He's looking out for me. My Nummy... Where did that name come from? //

"Not if ya stay still an' I'm really careful." Spike smiled encouragingly. "Got it luv?" Xander nodded again.

Spike grabbed the neck of the shirt and said, "stay still now." Spike slowly tugged on the collar until it started to rip under his hands and slowly followed the tear to the bottom of the shirt. Spike smiled at the tight muscles that were now revealed to him, then shook his head to clear the lustful haze that was threatening to overtake his mind.

"Right, now lets do the sleeves so we can get ya in the bath."

"Yes... please." Xander said before he could stop himself. Spike rose an eyebrow at his eager lover.

"A little impatient aren't we?" //Love when he's all eager like this. //

"Shut up. I'm injured. You're suppose to be helping me, not... torturing me." Spike leaned up and kissed the sweet lips again.

"What can I say luv. I'm evil." He grinned. Xander growled lightly. //That sounds so cute coming from him... Er... wait, did I just say he was cute? I'm really becoming a poof... A few more days and I'll be able to claim peaches' position...// Spike looked at the flushed mortal. His lips still slightly parted, his breathing a little heavy, his heart beating quickly, and Spike knew it was worth it. //M'becomin' a Nancy boy for him. An' I don't care. I'm love's bitch, can't do a thing about it. //

Spike shook his head slightly and focused on what he had to do. He grabbed the sleeve of Xander's shirt and tore it carefully, then did the same with the other one. The shirt was now a complete mess, but neither of them really cared. Spike looked into Xander's eyes, which seemed to be getting darker with every passing moment and slowly pushed the shirt aside.

And there Xander sat on the toilet seat, half naked, looking like a work of art, in Spike's eyes, that no painting could ever capture completely. //That boy amazes me... So soddin' beautiful...//

"You've got to get up luv." He said, breathlessly. Xander looked at the vampire with confused eyes. Spike smiled at him encouragingly.

"We've got to get those pants off of ya. Ya don't want them on while you're bathing, now do you? Ruins all the fun." Spike leered at the boy as he stood up. Xander blushed lightly, making him look even more wonderful if that was possible.

"Up now luv." Spike reached for the boy's arm gently and helped him get up. Xander stood there, right in front of Spike, hunching a little. //Must be the pain. M'sure the bath will do him good. Will help ease the tension... and hopefully, make more for other parts of him...//

Part 17

Spike carefully unfastened the pants, looking directly into Xander's eyes. //Don't wanna scare him. He'd run away... must be patient Will... patience is a virtue they say. // He placed his hands on either side of the pants and slowly eased them down, revealing Xander boxer clad groin and his beautiful muscular legs. Spike automatically spotted the tent in Xander's boxers and knew the boy was completely aroused by the little fooling around they had done. He carelessly threw the blue jeans aside and pulled himself up, standing nose to nose with his lover.

Spike brought his hands up and gently brushed the two patched shoulders, laying kisses on the bandages.

"Have to take them off, luv. Might hurt ya a bit." Xander snapped out of his daze and opened his mouth to protest.

"Spike, if it hurts me, then it hurts you. We..." Spike silenced him, placing his fingers on the boy's lips. //He doesn't want me to get hurt... He's so sweet...//

"Shhh luv. I can handle a bit o' pain. S'not like I wanna hurt ya on purpose..." Xander pushed the fingers aside.

"No Spike. I mean it. You're not going to take my bandages off." //But the doc said...// Spike tried to speak, but Xander continued. "I'll do it. That way you won't get a headache and the bandages will be off. Ok?" He asked looking into Spike's eyes.

"All right luv, but if ya need help, don't try an' push me away." Xander smiled at him.

"Promise." Spike smiled broadly and stood back a little, allowing Xander the space he needed to grab the bandages. Swiftly, Xander tore the bandages from his shoulders, screaming sharply from the intense pain.

At the sound of his lover's pain, Spike reached for him and started licking the wounds, cooling the heat of pain a little. //His blood's so sweet. Like vampire chocolate...//

"Spike what are you doing?" Xander's voice was hoarse and breathless. Spike pulled away from the wounds and looked into Xander's eyes.

"Jes cooling ya off a little. Good innit?" Xander's eyes widened.

"Oh... yes, it felt good. What..."

"Vampires heal fast luv. Will help you heal a bit faster by licking them... An' it's a plus for me cause I get to taste ya." He sensually licked his lips. "You taste so sweet luv." Xander's breath caught in his throat.

"All right. Keep on doing it then." Spike resumed licking the wounds and slowly, carefully, licked both wounds clean. Xander was utterly aroused by Spike's ministrations, the pain having completely disappeared, he kept rubbing himself against Spike's thigh, trying to get as much friction as he could. Spike finally stopped and stilled Xander.

"Now luv, wouldn't want ya to get off before the bath would ya?" The vampire said grinning.

"Oh Spike shut up and get naked already so we can have that bath!" //mmm, boy has a pair! Love that! //

"Sure luv." Before getting out of his jeans, Spike swiftly pulled Xander's boxers away, before the boy could even register it. Spike stood there, staring at Xander in awe.

"Bloody Hell! You're soddin' beautiful Xan. Most beautiful thing in the world I say." He was breathless. Xander blushed under his gaze.

"M'not THAT beautiful..." He said, suddenly shy and humble. //Soddin' hell! Nobody ever told him he was beautiful... Must make sure he knows it...//

"Oh yeah ya are Xan!" He leaned in and kissed Xander thoroughly. "Amazingly beautiful..." He whispered in his ears. Xander was now blushing from head to toe.

"Right... Now it's your turn." Saying that, he carefully reached for Spike's pants and started unfastening them. Noting that Xander was still in a bit of pain, Spike helped him and soon, he was as naked and aroused as Xander.

*** Xander's POV

//Oh God! I've never seen anything more beautiful. He looks like marble. All lean muscular, so pale it's almost white. He's like a handsome statue from some Greek museum...//

"Why are ya staring at me luv?"

"For the same reason you were staring at me just a moment ago. You're beautiful Spike." He tentatively reached for Spike's torso and his hand brushed over the scars there. "Who did them?"

"What? Oh, those. T'was a long time ago luv. Don't remember much. Most of them I got in fights, others my dad did."

Xander's voice caught in his throat. "Angel?"

Spike smiled. "No luv. Angelus never gave me any scars. Vampires heal perfectly ya know. Wouldn't have marked me. These I got when I was human. Now can we stop talking and get in that bath, before the water gets cold." Xander smiled. //He really doesn't like to talk about his past. But if his dad gave him those scars, then maybe we really have something in common...//

Spike got in the bath first, he laid himself down and helped Xander to do the same. The boy sat between the vampire's legs, feeling Spike's hard cock poking his back. Trying not to think about it, he laid his head on Spike's chest and closed his eyes. The vampire's hands were already roaming his body, trying to ease the tension that had taken residence in his muscles since the attack.

"Mmmm... Feels so good Spike." The vampire slowly brought his hands up to play with the boy's nipples, eliciting more moans. He buried his head in Xander's neck and inhaled deeply, sending shivers through the boy's body. Spike closed his eyes, feeling all the lust and smelling the scent coming from his lover's body.

"Like it luv?" He whispered, sensually, in the boy's ear. The words made Xander's heart jump and he opened his eyes in complete lust.

"Oh yeah."

Part 18

//I never thought something like this could be so wonderful. There is a beautiful deadly killer sitting behind me. Taking care of me. Making me feel so wonderful and so amazing I almost can't stand it. Spike feels incredible behind me. I've never had a male lover. I wonder how much I've been missing out. Anya, Faith, Cordelia, no one has made me feel so out of control with just a few caresses. He hasn't even touched me. He seems to be teasing me, tormenting me, making me remember that he really is evil, that he really has over 100 years of experience on me.//

Spike moved his hand to grab the soap and his cock pressed against Xander, making the mortal groan. //I made him that way. Me, the Zeppo, made William the Bloody hard! // Spike settled back into the tub and started to lather the soap in his hands until there were smooth bubbles. Then he started to rub them on Xander. The boy dropped his head forward sighing slightly as the vampire started to clean him from the neck down.

Spike gently stroked the delicate neck, wondering how the mortal could trust him so much. He started rubbing the soap down Xander's neck and followed the line down Xander's arms. When he reached the hands of the mortal in front of him, he let go and kissed the brunette's head then pushed him gently forward.

"Tell me if this hurts, luv?" Xander sighed. //I don't think he could ever hurt me. //

Spike moved the soap from one hand to the other, he didn't know how to do this without hurting Xander. His arms were a mess of bruises and cuts, as well as his back. But the whelp trusted him, and he was going to prove him right. Spike placed his hands on Xander's shoulder, waiting for the hiss he was expecting.

Xander groaned. //It hurts but it feels so good too. //

"Ya okay num..." //What was he going to say? Num...??//

Xander hummed. "Yeah. I'm okay." Spike slowly put more pressure on Xander's shoulder and moved lower and lower. Then Spike noticed something unusual. There were scars on Xander's lower back. They were criss crossed and some seemed very old. When Spike laid his hand on them, he felt Xander tense up. //No, no. He's going to find me ugly. Why would he want a damaged man? //

"Xan, luv, where did you get these?"

Xander moved a little away from the vampire. //He's going to leave me. Why would a master vampire wants someone who couldn't even hold his own against his father ?//

"Nowhere." Xander tried to stand up, but was encircled by cool arms.

"Spike, let me go!" Instead of feeling the arms letting go, he felt a tug from the vampire to sit back down. Since Xander knew that he couldn't make the vampire let go, he sat back hoping that if the scars were out of sight, then they would be out of Spike's mind.

"So ya gonna tell me luv?"

"No." Xander whispered. Spike growled lightly. He wanted to know what happened so he could kill whatever, or whoever, did it, very slowly.

"Fine, then I'll have to guess." Spike pulled Xander closer so he could rest his head on the boy's shoulder making sure not to press on the bruises. "Well, let's see... It's not the slayer or any of the scoobies. None of them could stomach it much less do it to someone they care about. Not a demon either. Would have heard about that in the gossip mill. That leaves your family." Xander tensed. "So they did it?" Xander nodded slightly, on the verge of tears. Spike growled.

"Xander, luv, did you dad did this?" Xander nodded again and sniffed. "That bloody bastard. M'gonna skin him, very slowly." Spike's eyes flashed gold and his true face emerged. "Jes like Angelus did to my father." Xander's head shot up and he turned towards Spike.

"What?"

"My father was an arse. Jes like yours luv." Spike said growling.

"You mean... your father..."

"Yup. That's where the scars came from, luv. The bloody pillock had a horrible temper. An' I was never good enough for him. Used to beat us if we did anythin' wrong, my sis and me. Didn't want him to get his bloody hands on her, she was so delicate and beautiful. Took the brunt of it, I did..." He paused then whispered. "I miss her."

Xander turned as much as he could in the tub and wrapped his arms around the vampire. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right luv. She would have liked ya though. "

"What happened to her?" Xander started to stroke the blonde's hair.

"I got her out of there before Angelus started to destroy the house and kill everyone. She got married and had a litter of kids. Even called one of them William after me." Spike smiled.

"So you really are Uncle Spike?"

Spike chuckled. "Yeah, I am, pet." The two of them sat there, both enjoying a companionship that they never thought they could find.

"We better get this bath done with, luv. The water's gettin' chilly." Spike's voice ended the peaceful silence they sat in. Xander sighed and started to pull away from the vampire, but Spike stopped him.

"Where are ya going Xan? Need to get ya front clean." Xander felt the blood rushing back to his groin at the soft words coming from Spike. He leaned back against the vampire and sighed.

"Ok. Clean me." He giggled slightly. Spike kissed his neck gently.

"With pleasure luv." He massaged the suds into Xander's neck and gently stroked it down his arms, more down his collarbone, caressing the hollow he found there.

"Ya so beautiful Xan." He said as he nuzzled Xander's neck. Spike let his hands run over Xander's chest until he reached his nipples. He started to rub them gently as he nibbled on Xander's ear. The boy hissed and tried to bury himself further into Spike's arms.

"Spike." He moaned as one of the hands that were torturing him wandered further south. When it reached his belly button, a finger started entering and exiting the dip suggestively, circling it and gently pulling on Xander's skin. The boy arched into the hand and moaned loudly. //Oh God... Oh God... How can something like this feel so good? //

"Imagine this is ya entering me pet. Entering me slowly, teasing me, tormenting me. Making me want to beg for more. Can ya feel me tight around ya pet?" Xander groaned. He couldn't remember a time when he had been so hard. Spike gently twisted the nipple he was still playing with. Xander moaned loudly.

"Ya want more luv?" Xander nodded vigorously. Spike laughed and let go of the nipple. He moved that hand down to more interesting regions.

Part 19

Spike's hand reached down to the brown curls, his finger gently twisting and tugging the hair. Xander moaned loudly. Spike walked his fingers to the shaft and slowly began to tease the head. Xander arched and pushed into Spike, crying in pleasure and feeling the vampire's cock poke him in the back.

Spike moaned at the pressure that the move made on his very hard cock. He gripped Xander's member harder, making the boy cry out again. Both were lost in a circle of ecstasy.

Spike slowly began to stroke Xander's hard shaft, teasing him. Xander couldn't take it anymore and started to thrust back into Spike's hand.

"Enough teasing Fangless." He said his voice hoarse with desire.

Spike started stroking faster and faster, each stroke making Xander howl in pleasure and earning Spike a nice rub against his own aching shaft.

"Oh God. Spike. So Good. So Good. Don't stop." Xander moaned endlessly.

Hearing him, Spike growled in pleasure. //Hell, he's so perfect. So bloody perfect. Most responsive lover I ever had. //

Spike rubbed a nipple with his thumb, while his other hand was busy stroking. He buried his face in the hollow of Xander's neck and started to lick there. He had no intention of biting. Xander tensed slightly then enjoyed the shivers it was sending through his body.

"Oh Spike!"

Spike felt that Xander was near. He left the nipple, earning a disappointed moan from his lover and wandered further south, taking Xander's balls in his hand, squeezing them slightly and stroked the boy's cock harder.

"Oh Spike! Spike! I'm cumming. I'm cumming." Xander suddenly arched his back and cried out. "SPIKE!" His orgasm rushed through him. "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God." He kept moaning as the pleasure slowly subsided.

Spike kept nuzzling Xander's neck for a little while. When the boy was finally still, he brought his hand to his mouth and licked it clean.

"Mmm. Luv. Ya taste so good. Ya really are a nummy treat."

"Nummy... nummy treat?" Xander asked, his voice still shaky.

"Ya... remember when I lived I ya basement? Told ya, ya were a nummy treat then... didn't know jes how true that was until now."

Xander laughed lightly and kissed his lover. Both of them were drawn in the kiss. Finally, Spike let go of Xander's lips and helped him get up. Xander protested lightly.

"We should get out luv. Water's cold now and I don't want ya to get sick... ya already in a bad shape."

"All right." Spike got out of the bath and helped Xander do the same. Doing that, he noticed the vampire's still hard shaft.

"Ummm... shouldn't I... take care of that?"

Spike followed Xander's gaze and looked at his groin, a little surprised by the boy's question. He laughed lightly.

"Ya can do that in bed luv. When ya all dry an' soft an' warm." He trailed off, leaning over Xander and handing him a towel. Xander began to dry himself, but the pain was still quite bad. Spike took another towel and quickly dried himself before helping Xander. When both of them were finally completely dry, Spike kissed Xander's lips tenderly.

"Bed. Now. Luv."

"Yeah bed"

Part 20

Xander's POV

//I really don't know what happened to me. I just more or less had SEX with Spike! And it was awesome. He made me feel things I'd never felt before. It was like he knew all the places to touch to make me go crazy. I wonder if I could do the same for him. I've never touched another man before. Not that way anyway. And I feel so tired. I know I should.//

"What ya thinkin' luv?" Spike gently helped him get in the bed and tucked him under the covers.

"I'm. I don't really know." Spike looked at him and began to laugh lightly.

"Ya don't know what ya thinkin' about?" //God I love to hear him laugh. He should do it more often.//

"Nope, I don't. My head's thinking all by itself and I can't stop it." Spike let out a loud laugh and looked at him, his eyes so warm, Xander felt himself melt inside. "Come here." He said, opening his arms.

Spike didn't think twice and climbed into bed, taking his lover in his arms. He gently caressed Xander's cheek and looked into his eyes. //God I never felt like this, ever. He's so sweet. I never thought he could be like this. But this week he has been so different from before. I wonder what made him change so much.//

"Ya tired luv. Should get some sleep." Xander looked at him, a bit shocked. //He still hasn't got off.//

"But...your...you...?" He said gesturing down to Spike's very evident erection.

"Oh. that. I can take care of that meself. Don't worry Xan. Ya really need to sleep an' ya in no shape to take care of it." //He's going to... God. I never thought I would want to see a man jerk off. But right now I really don't want to go to sleep! I know I can't take the matter in hand myself, but I want to see. I wanna see his face distorted in pleasure. How kinky is that? I KNOW I'm be blushing. And he's looking at me funny.//

"What?"

"Ya thinking again!"

Xander laughed. "Yeah, I am. But it's good thinking."

"Really, what are ya thinkin' about?"

"I'm thinking about you naked. Well, you already are." Xander watched has Spike disentangled himself from his embrace and leaned against the head board.

"You thinking about this luv?" The vampire took his cock in his fist and slowly began stroking it.

//GOD! He's doing it!// The boy began breathing hard, becoming aroused again.

"Ya like it don't ya? Watching me like this?" His hand was caressing gently the tip of his cock, slowly going over it, then down his shaft and back up.

"Oh yeah!" Xander moaned. He really didn't want him to stop. It was a real

fantasy.

"Mmmm, ya want me to tell ya a bedtime story?" //What's he gonna do now? Bedtime story? OH God! He wouldn't would he?//

"Sure." He managed.

"Ya naked on the bed. Jes like now, but no covers. Ya so beautiful Xan. So perfect. All hard muscles and broad shoulders. And skin. Love touching ya skin. So soft luv. Ya cock is hard, jes like mine. I want you. All of ya. And ya want me don't ya?"

"Oh yeah! I want you." //I really can't believe I'm doing this. Well there are a lot of things I never thought I would be doing and yet, I did them! Just look at the bath. That was awesome. And now I'm hard again, just from watching him touching himself. He's so beautiful, lost in the ecstasy of a fantasy. And I'm going to help him.// "I wanna touch you everywhere Fangless."

"Yeah!" He moaned. "Ya kissin' down my neck, stoppin' to nibble at my collarbone. Ya leave a wet trail behind. Move down towards my nipples. You take one in your mouth. Oh Yeah! So good luv, so warm!" While he told the story, his free hand was tracing the path the imaginary mouth was taking. Twisting his nipple and moaning deep, Spike kept stroking his shaft. His eyes were now closed tight, giving in the fantasy, he was in a world of his own.

"Oh Xan! Ya move down again. Kissing and caressing my stomach. Oh, ya feel so good! Ya hands on either side of me, caressing my backside and then my hips. Your tongue dips in my navel." As he said that, his finger began thrusting in his navel. "Ya tease me with ya tongue, slowly entering me, then pulling out, an' coming back in. It's jes my navel, but it feels more than that. It's like ya really inside me, burnin' me. An' I love it. I love feelin' ya in me, around me."

//Oh My God, this is so hot! He looks so hot like this.//

"Ya continue your way down and let ya hands wander on my thighs. Up and down. Slowly caressing the inside. Finally, ya mouth finds my cock and you take it in. Teasin' the head, then lickin' the sides, while one of ya hands hold the base. The other one find my balls." He began to stroke faster, the vision clearly arousing him to no end. His free hand grabbed his balls and he began squeezing them.

"God Xan, ya sooooo good!" He moaned. He couldn't talk anymore, he was so near. //God, I want him so much right now, but I'm so tired I can't even touch him. He's so fucking hot!//

Spike increased his pace, both hands stroking and squeezing in earnest. Suddenly he went completely still and Xander watched as his back arched high over the bed and he screamed. "XANDER!!! OH YES!!" He came hard. A flow of cold cum shooting high in the air and falling back on his belly. He resumed stroking, not wanting it to be over, but finally, there was nothing left and he was completely drained.

He was panting when he turned towards Xander. The boy was breathing hard and clearly aroused, he was drooling. //Oh GOD! that was awesome. And I'm so hard now!// He tried to reach for his cock, but he ached all over. The day had been really long and he was too tired to bring himself off.

"Loved that didn't ya luv? There, let me take care of that for ya." He gently took the covers out of the way and leaned over Xander, kissing him hard and passionately.

"No more playin' Xan. Ya really need to sleep. M'gonna do this fast, but good." With one last kiss, he moved down Xander's body and took the boy's cock deep into his mouth. He deep throated him, then slowly pulled back until just the tip was left in his mouth.

//GOD he's sooo good at that! Anya never had a clue!// "OH Spike! You're so good!" The vampire sucked on the head, hard, then he took the shaft deep in his mouth again. He took Xander's balls in his hand and squeezed them hard. Feeling the rush coursing through them towards Xander's cock, he quickly deep throated the boy one last time. "OH SPIKE!!! OH GOD!!"

Xander came deep into Spike's throat. The vampire swallowed every bit of his lover's cum, milking him. finally Xander was completely drained. He couldn't move, he couldn't even think. He was so tired, but truly content.

Spike came back to his side and took him in a tender hug. He reached for the covers and pulled them over their bodies, wanting to keep as much warmth as possible.

Xander felt sleep coming, but he still had something to say. "Spike I..."

"Shhh, Xan, we can talk tomorrow, you sleep now."

"No I just..." The words were hard to find and he was so tired. He yawned. Still he really needed to tell him. "I think I'm falling in love with you." He whispered. Finally done, he drifted to sleep.

Part 21

//Bloody Hell!// Spike thought as he looked, shocked, at Xander's sleeping form. The boy was breathing steadily, his head on Spike's shoulder and his arms tightly wrapped around himself.

The sight mesmerized the vampire. He couldn't take his eyes away from him. //He looks like a small kid. He looks like an angel.// He turned his eyes away. //Bloody Hell, where did that thought come from? He's not a soddin' angel. He's human.// He looked back at him and his heart melted again. //Don't really matter. He's beautiful. And I'm gonna make him mine.//

Spike closed his eyes and hugged Xander tightly to his chest, making sure not to hurt the boy. //He's so warm and soft and beautiful. I can't believe he's here with me... Hell, what happened to me? When did I become so poofy? And romantic? Don't matter. I think... I think I'm falling in love with him too. But How can he love me? I'm a demon, and evil soulless vampire. He can't love me. Not him. He's always hated me. He even hates the Poof, and he has a soul at least.

I don't have a bloody soul and I'm acting like a nancy boy anyway. Or maybe I do. I remember Dru saying I was never a true vampire. My 'feelings' were too human she used to say. Maybe that's why she left me. Maybe my soul never really deserted me. Maybe it's still there, lurking, and just waiting for the right moment to come forth. Like this. Me falling in love with the whelp. Maybe that was suppose to happen and bring my soul back to me. Maybe HE'S my bloody soul.// He looked at the sleeping boy in his arms and smiled.

/Hmm, I think I should stop brooding, I'm really going crazy. But I think I got a point there, love makes me what I am. I'm love's bitch. I do what my heart tells me too. When I was with Angelus, I killed and maimed, to please him, then with Dru, I was sweet and caring, but still a killer. And now, with Xan, I'm gonna take care of him and all his bloody friends and I'll save the lives of all the bloody humans on Earth, because I want him to love me.//

Spike slowly ran his hand up and down Xander's back. //Yeah, I love him. I don't know what happened and why I love him, but I do, and I'm gonna claim him and make him mine. Cause I'm not letting him go. Ever. Well, he'll want to grow old and die, so I guess I'll have to let him go then. But I'll stay around and take care of all the scoobies' great-grandchildren. God, how pathetic is that?//

Another voice rose in his head. //It's not pathetic. It's love.//

//Yeah. bloody love.// He leaned and whispered in Xander's ear. "I love you too love." Finally, he settled back against the pillow and let sleep come.

***Xander's POV

Xander stirred on the bed and slowly opened his eyes. He heard the door closing gently and looked up. He was alone in the room, but he knew Spike had been there just a few seconds ago and he smiled. He could still smell the vampire on the pillow. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

"Hey pet? you awake?"

Xander opened his eyes and looked at the door. He hadn't even heard the vampire come back in.

"Yeah." He smiled awkwardly at Spike.

"How ya feeling this morning luv?" Spike said as he approached the bed slowly.

"Much better thanks." He smiled. "I think the bath helped." He blushed.

"Knew it would." Spike smiled at Xander's embarrassment and sat down on the edge of the bed. //Kiss me. Please kiss me.// Xander chanted in his head, looking at Spike's lips. He really wanted to kiss him, but he was too shy, still sleepy.

Spike smiled and gently took Xander's head in his hands. He leaned in and captured the boy's lips with his own. The kiss was tender and chaste. Their lips meet in a gentle embrace, but neither of them felt the urge to explore the other's mouth. They just let their lips touch.

They slowly broke the kiss and looked into each other's eyes. Spike slowly caressed Xander's cheek with the back of his fingers. Xander leaned into the touch and closed his eyes.

//God, I feel so good. This is the best morning kiss I ever had.// Xander felt like the world had suddenly stopped. He slowly wrapped his arms around the vampire and pulled him closer. He could still feel a bit of pain, but he was so relaxed that it was ok.

To his surprise, the vampire didn't push him like he had thought he would. //Who would have thought Spike gave in to hugs?// On the contrary, Spike hugged him closer and rested his head on the boy's hair, closing his eyes.

"Made you breakfast luv." He whispered. Xander was even more surprised.

"You cook?" He whispered back, not moving. //I feel too good, I don't wanna move. But food... mmm. Dilemma//

"Yeah, I do. Jes for you."

"Should I be scared?"

"Why scared luv?"

"Well, if you're only cooking for me, means you have never cooked before... Maybe you're trying to poison me."

Spike chuckled. "No luv. Know how to cook I do. What I meant is, don't tell the scoobies, or I'll have to cook them a bloody dinner." Xander laughed lightly and hugged Spike closer.

Spike leaned into the touch for a moment. "Know what we can do Xan?" Xander shook his head, still hugging the vampire closely.

"I could bring breakfast here and hold you while you eat." Xander smiled and looked up.

"You'd do that?"

Spike smiled back at him. "Sure luv. You're hungry and I'm cold. I have the breakfast you are the heater. It's as simple as that."

Xander chuckled. "All right." But he didn't let go of the vampire.

"Luv, if you want me to go get your food, you should let me go."

"Don't want to." Came the muffled answer. Xander slowly unwrapped his arms and looked at Spike. "You're coming back fast?"

Spike smiled and gave him a quick kiss.

Xander looked at Spike, not able to move, as the vampire walked to the door and into the kitchen. He slowly brought his fingers to his lips and touched them. //God. He's so sweet.// He shook his head and realised he really needed to go to the bathroom.

When he came back, Spike was on the bed, leaning against the headboard and food was scattered on the bed. There were pancakes and bacon, maple syrup and eggs. Spike was only wearing his jeans, and he looked gorgeous. Xander licked his lips at the sight of both the food and the vampire.

Spike had his legs slightly apart, with just enough space for Xander to sit between them. The boy sat down, taking care not to send any of the food on to the floor, it would be a waste.

He turned his head and kissed Spike lightly on the lips. "Thanks...you...er.this looks yummy" Blushing at his slip, he looked in front of him and began to eat the pancakes.

Spike wrapped his arms around him and rested his head on his shoulder. "No problem luv. You like it?"

Xander nodded, his mouth full.

"So... I look yummy?"

Xander choked and swallowed hard.

Spike laughed lightly and gently ran his hands up and down Xander's back.

"You're yummy too Xan."

Xander blushed even more and looked intently at his food. "M'not..."

"Yeah, you are. Take my word for it luv."

Xander suddenly turned around and kissed Spike hard. //He tastes so good.// When they broke the kiss, Spike licked his lips and smiled at Xander.

"And you taste very good too." //Is he reading my thoughts?// Xander settled back into Spike's arms.

"Should eat luv. All your friends'll be here soon." Xander growled. He didn't want to leave Spike's arms but he knew he couldn't tell them just yet. None of them would understand.

"I know luv. Don't want to confront them either. We'll just have to play our parts for a while and then, when they're gone..." He trailed off, leaving the rest to Xander's imagination.

//Oh God. I already can't wait until they're gone.// He gulped. //I just hope I'm not in too much pain to touch him tonight, I want to touch him.// Xander quickly ate the rest of his food, eagerly eating it all. It was a delicious after the hospital food.

"Yum. Spike, you're a good cook." He said, looking into the vampire's eyes. Spike gently pressed his lips against Xander's warm ones, and kissed him deeply. Xander settled more comfortably in the vampire's arms and let the feeling of the kiss spread through him.

Finally, they let go of each other's lips and Xander buried his head in Spike's shoulder. //I feel so good here.// They stayed like this for a long time, just enjoying the feeling of each other's body. Suddenly, they were both jolted back to reality by the harsh sound of the doorbell.

Part 22

***Xander's POV

Spike untangled himself from Xander's embrace and went to answer the door. Xander quickly got back under the covers, placing all the dishes on the nightstand.

"Hey Spike! How's Xan?" Willow asked cheerfully.

"He's good. Just finished breakfast. You're early Red."

"Yeah, I know. I wanted to talk to him before Buffy and Giles arrived." She added in a little conspiratorial voice. "There's something going on if you know what I mean."

Spike laughed loudly. "It's bloody time."

The both of them entered the bedroom and Willow sat on the edge of the bed while Spike took the dishes back to the kitchen.

"Hey! How are you feeling this morning Xan? Better?"

"Yeah, much better thanks. It's good to be out of the hospital." He smiled slyly at his best friend. "So... what's going on???"

"Well..." She smiled and became lost in thought.

"Hey, snap out of it Willow! I wanna know!"

"Oh, sorry."

Spike had come back into the room and was all ears. This promised to be interesting.

"Well... yesterday morning, when he came back, Buffy was very angry for like the first 5 seconds... But then she kinda w