Hands Down
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove@livejournal.com
Archive at No One Knows, please Sofy.
I'm
happy for this to be archived anywhere as long as the header, most
particularly my e-mail address & website, are kept intact *on* the
story. (Intact, please, not as a weird-arse link that will disappear
with c+p.)
For you,
kargrif, for the Giles/Xander ficathon, May 2008. Request at the end.
After
Giles' hands are injured in an accident, he is dismayed to find himself
entrusted to the care of one Xander Harris. He is further dismayed to
realise Xander is not irritating him at all.
Giles/Xander
Err, vaguely humourous physical hurt/comfortish romp.
Set not long after Graduation.
NC-17
Warnings: Lust. Sex. No violence, and everyone's of age.
12 163 words.
Early edit by my most trusted
gloriana.
I am currently living in (dead serious) the wilderness, so I'm afraid
there was no final edit or spellcheck. Please forgive resulting
weirdness.
Also with regard to current wildnerness-living, I may
be a little slow with replying to feedback. (And with giving fb.) But I
do treasure comments of all kinds, and my delay only gives me time to
further savour any comment you might choose to make.
Buffy is the property of Joss and Mutant Enemy. Joss can have anything of mine he wants.
==========
"There
you go. Good as new." Willow dropped the scissors in the first aid kit
and sat back to admire her work. Giles thought she'd done rather a good
job, considering she had to bandage each finger individually, and all
the way up to his wrists, even if the end product made his arms look
like matchsticks. It wasn't a talent Giles would have chosen for the
children to perfect, but it was occasionally useful. "How does it feel?"
"The
painkillers have kicked in," Giles lied. "Thank you." He stood,
remembering just in time not to use his hands to push up from the
couch, and headed for the kitchen. Tea would make this evening
marginally better. He was standing in front of the kettle when he
realised his problem, just a split second before Xander leaned over the
counter.
"Say, Giles? What are you doing?"
"I was going to make tea," Giles said, lifting his mittened hands. Couldn't even make himself a bloody cup of tea.
"That could be a problem."
"Yes."
"Want a hand?"
Giles nodded.
Xander bounced around into the kitchen. "Teach me your English ways."
Giles closed his eyes and appealed for patience, and set about teaching Xander Harris how not to ruin tea.
Giles
wandered out as they waited for the kettle to boil, to find Buffy,
Willow and Oz all staring at him. This could not be good. "What is it?"
"You can't make tea," said Buffy.
"Yes, that much has become apparent."
"So... you can't cook."
"I... I suppose not."
"You can't do anything."
"I can..." Giles trailed off, and looked at his ridiculous, bandaged hands again. He couldn't do anything much at all.
"You can't live here all alone," said Willow.
He couldn't. "I guess I'll have to get a nurse in."
Oz looked around. "Your book collection could be hard to explain."
"And
if you don't us saying," Buffy added, "as of last week's graduation
spectacular, you're unemployed. So unless you've got a mattress full of
cash under the bed..."
His finances could have stretched to some help, but Oz was right about the issues of having a stranger tramp through the house.
"How about Buffy's mom?" Willow suggested.
Buffy's nose wrinkled at the idea. "I guess you'll have to move in with us for a while. You could have Dawn's room.."
"No."
He and Joyce had just begun to mend their awkwardness when Buffy's
little mind-reading incident raised it all again, and they were back to
polite greetings. Sharing a bathroom and breakfasts was absolutely not
on the agenda. Besides, there was a limit to how long Giles could stand
young Dawn's company, and it fell somewhat short of living in the same
house.
Buffy frowned. "Well, you can't move in with Willow and you definitely can't move in with Xander-"
"Of course!" yelped Willow. "Xander."
Giles choked. "I'm sorry?" The Harrises? She had to be joking.
"Uh,
Will?" Xander shoved his hands in his pockets, looking particularly
awkward. He'd been subdued all day, Giles realised. Giles desperately
hoped he wasn't about to be put in a position of moving in with the
Harris clan to coddle his feelings.
"No, I mean, it's perfect! Xander, you needed somewhere to-"
"Will."
"to, to... and Giles needs someone to help out, so why don't you move in here?"
"I don't know," Xander said, looking at Giles hopefully.
"Perfect! It's all settled."
No,
it wasn't settled. There had to be someone else. Wesley couldn't have
got far. Angel, even; the vampire's presence still ran Giles' blood
cold, but at least he brooded quietly.
Buffy flopped back in her seat, clearly glad to have avoided having him move in with her. "That was easy."
Xander
was still watching him, the only one who'd noticed that Giles hadn't
said a word to embrace the idea. Slowly deflating. Giles cursed his own
lack of charity. He did like Xander. He had a great deal of respect for
the boy, but he really preferred to respect him in small doses. Between
Xander's low esteem and the bad humour Giles was surely going to
languish in until he regained his independence, this arrangement would
be disasterous. Still. It was done, now. "Thank you, Xander. If it's
truly not too much trouble..."
Xander beamed, sudden and bright and brilliant.
Disasterous.
Giles reached up for his glasses, and only succeeded in knocking them
crooked. Damned hands. Suddenly Xander was reaching at his face, gently
lifting his glasses off and polishing them on his stained shirt-front
with a somewhat fuzzy grin. "See? Full service care." He jabbed Giles'
ear as he slid them back on.
Giles forced a thin smile of such
patent insincerity that there was no possibility it could have fooled
anyone but the four sitting in his living room.
"Well," said Xander. "I have tea to make."
* * *
It
was only after the girls had left, and Giles had excused himself to
head upstairs to prepare for bed, that he realised the full breadth and
depth of what a terrible idea this was.
He'd sat heavily on the
end of the bed, heaved a sigh, and reached for his shirt, only to find
there was absolutely no feat of digital gymnastics that was going to
get his buttons undone. He sat there for a good ten minutes,
calculating ways to undress, but even if he were willing to simply pull
his shirt each night until the buttons popped off, and spend the next
month hunting buttons on his floor and sewing them back on again - he
spent three minutes at least, toying with that plan - that still
wouldn't get him dressed again in the morning.
This was why
Xander was here. Giles could hear him downstairs, tidying the kitchen.
They were going to get to know each other very well indeed, this week.
Giles whiled away even more time screwing up his courage, until the
kitchen noises stopped. He couldn't leave this so late he would have to
wake Xander. He hooked his robe over his elbow and headed downstairs.
Xander was making up the couch when Giles came down. "Hey, you're still- oh." His eyes got very, very wide.
"I... Yes. I- I- I did try, but I'm afraid I can't quite manage buttons."
"Okay."
Xander took a moment to take that in, and to run his eyes down Giles
from head to feet, mentally working through all the fastenings that
Giles couldn't manage. "Right." He blushed. "Hey, we're all guys,
right?"
"Quite." Yes, that made everything better.
"Did you want a shower?"
"No." That was far more than Giles was prepared to deal with tonight. "I'd just really like to fall into bed."
"Okay, well, let's do this upstairs."
Xander
led the way up, taking a good look around at Giles' loft before turning
to the task at hand. He went straight to work on the shirt, mercifully
without cracking any jokes, helped Giles get his undershirt over his
head, pausing halfway through to untangle his glasses, and then
hesitated.
Giles was already far more naked than he'd ever
planned to be with Xander - or any of them - but there really was no
getting around it. "If you could just, just, get the button and zip, I,
I, I'm sure I could wriggle them off on my own."
Xander looked
like he was going to argue, but he swallowed it and dropped to his
knees. Giles really wished he hadn't. That was not an association he
wanted disturbing him before bed. At least it wasn't Joyce, fiddling
with his trousers.
Xander helped him with his shoes and socks
first, head down, hair falling forward so Giles couldn't see if the
burning red on his ears had worked right across his face when he undid
the button on Giles' trousers and oh-so-delicately lowered the zip.
"You're okay from here?" Xander asked, without looking up.
"Yes,
thank you." Xander stood to make his escape, and Giles remembered - "If
you could just get the top drawer open? It's a bit stiff."
Xander's
head jerked back at Giles' poor word-choice and stopped, and Giles
realised he wasn't the only one at risk of disturbing associations.
Xander pulled the drawer open and headed for the stairs, and stopped
again, looking thoughtful. He turned back, eyes casually staying above
Giles' neck. "If you need anything, just call, okay? Anything. Wake me
up if you need to, I don't mind. I'd rather you wake me up than sit up
here being English, you know?" He shrugged. "I may not be head of the
research squad, or the fighting squad, but I can do this."
He disappeared before Giles could find the words to thank him.
Of
course, ten minutes later, Giles had to call him up again, to turn the
lamp off, and he didn't find the words to thank him then, either.
* * *
It
was the smells that woke him; Xander had already gotten dressed and
started breakfast. Perhaps also the stinging in his fingers and palms.
Giles sat up, scrubbing his face with the backs of his mittens. This
was going to be a very long day. He managed to struggle hs dressing
gown on over his shorts, even if he couldn't belt it, glared helplessly
at his glasses, and headed downstairs.
"Hey! I made scrambled eggs. I figured it's easy enough to eat. and it's also the only thing I know how to make from scratch."
"Thank you."
Xander
looked wide awake and in his element, even if that element seemed to be
using far more cooking utensils than strictly necessary to beat and fry
eggs. Giles felt like someone who hadn't showered or shaved or brushed
his teeth in a week. He obediently took a seat at the counter and
started experimenting with ways to hold his fork. Xander was going to
be cutting his food, but he drew the line at being hand-fed.
Xander
slid a cup of tea across to him and dropped in a straw. "I figured
breakfast, shower, re-wrap your hands, mall. Pick up some extra
bandages, and some stuff to make it easier for you. They've got these
cheap lights you can get, that push on and off. No fiddly switches."
While
Giles had lain awake dreading the coming week, Xander had been
downstairs plotting. He was far more ingenious than Giles had given him
credit for. He'd found some plastic bags to tie over Giles' hands so he
could shower independently, much to their mutual relief. He'd created a
little rubber finger-cover out of the grip for unscrewing jar-lids, so
Giles could turn pages himself. Not how Father taught him to handle
books, but it was certainly forgivable for a few days, and vastly
better than having Xander sit beside him all the time he read.
* * *
Xander
bagged GIles' hands and got the shower running, and then left GIles to
undress. The bags were quite effective. Giles dropped the soap with
irritating frequency, but it was infinitely better than having Xander
charge in with a washcloth.
Afterwards, he clumsily half-dried
himself with the towel and let the air do the rest. He could skip
shaving for a few days; he wasn't having Xander come quite that close.
He managed to work on fresh shorts and his robe.
Finally the
savouring of his privacy was overruled by the guilt of wasting all that
water, and Giles headed for the door. And the handle he couldn't turn.
Giles sagged. Bloody useless. Couldn't knock, either. He tried knocking
with his elbow, but it wasn't nearly loud enough. Giles contemplated
kicking it, good and hard. He heaved a sigh. "Xander?" Louder. "Xander!"
Xander threw open the door, looking panicked. "What's wrong?"
Giles raised his hands. "I couldn't open it."
"Oh.
Yeah." Xander looked past him into the bathroom. "Next time, why don't
you just push it so it doesn't latch, and drop a towel in front of it?
I promise not to come barging in unless you call, and you'll be able to
get it open."
"That's a good idea." Giles stood aside, as Xander headed past to turn off the water.
* * *
Xander
sat on the coffee table, knees between Giles', and took a deep breath
before reaching for Giles' hand. "You'll tell me if I hurt you?"
"I assure you, I'll make it quite clear."
Xander
found the end on his left hand and gently started unwrapping. More than
gently; there was a tentativeness that suggested Xander forgot he'd
survived years of beatings from Buffy, not to mention countless
head-conkings and a night of Angelus's pleasures. He opened his mouth
to tell Xander not to worry so much, and stopped. It was rather
pleasant, this kind of care.
Xander had little furrows between
his eyes, lips pressed tight together as he concentrated. Nose
wrinkling as he came down to the last, sticky layers. Giles jammed his
teeth together as he peeled them away.
'Gross,' Buffy would say. They both stared at the raw, red wounds.
"That must hurt."
Giles nodded. It stung like hell. Even more now he could see it.
"Do you want - should I finish this and then do the other one, or unwrap them both?"
"Unwrap
both. It would be a relief to be free for a few minutes." His hand felt
strangely light, and his muscles ached to stretch his fingers. The bite
of the air reminded him that was a bad idea.
Xander tenderly unwrapped the other, and they both heaved sighs as the last bit of gauze came unstuck.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine."
"Ready for this?" Xander had the tube already in hand.
Giles braced himself. "Go ahead."
Xander
supported Giles' hand in his own on his knee, and with the other,
gently started stroking the cool cream down Giles' little finger. "Is
that okay?"
"It feels quite good, actually."
"Okay."
Xander sounded more relieved than Giles did. He worked his way slowly
over Giles' hands, tenderly smoothing in the cream, looking up
nervously every time Giles tensed. Which he did out of anticipation,
rather than actual pain. Xander was perfectly gentle, more careful than
Willow, in fact.
* * *
The mall wasn't nearly so
traumatic as Giles expected. They picked up one of the lights Xander
had been talking about, where the entire face of the lamp was one big
push button.
Xander dragged him into a baby goods store, of all
places, and found some toddler spoons and forks. "Try these - they
should be easier to hold than normal ones."
They really were,
the fat rubbery handles designed for awkward hands. "I don't suppose
there are any without Disney characters on them?"
Xander skimmed through the collection. "Pink princesses?"
"I'll take Tigger and Pooh."
* * *
Giles
was just finishing up the chapter, feeling relatively good about the
world, and particularly his little rubber page-turner, when Xander came
out of the kitchen, flopped on the couch, and switched on the
television. Giles walked around in front of him. "What are you doing?"
"Next Gen marathon."
Giles sat, hoping to seize control of the situation. "I usually watch the news, now."
Xander
eyed him, and then looked at the advertisements flickering across the
screen. He tossed the remote into Giles' lap. "Feel free to change the
channel."
Giles' mouth opened, and closed.
Xander wasn't bothered at all. "All day, we can do the boring Giles-stuff. At seven-thirty, we're watching Star Trek."
And
so they did, Americans (and one English actor, who should have known
better) in ridiculous jumpsuits, battling extras in ridiculous make-up.
"You really enjoy this?"
"Yes."
A little later, "Why did she say that?"
"She's empathic."
"No, I meant, isn't it obvious?"
"That's Troi. Just go with it."
Later still, "French? I thought he was English."
Xander finally turned and glared. "Do I sneer at all your hobbies?"
"Frequently, and with vigour."
Xander turned his glare back to the television.
Giles smiled.
* * *
The
next day, Giles got to truly appreciate a day in the life of Xander
Harris. He had never realised just how much rubbish was on the
television, until he suffered a full morning of cartoons.
He was
taking his novel outside to read. He slid the book into the crook of
his arm and headed out, grabbed the door handle just as Xander's
"Giles!" came to warn him.
Jesus. Giles leaned his head against
the door and cursed through gritted teeth, until Xander came up behind
him, one broad hand on Giles' back, the other pulling his elbow as
though he might see something through the wad of bandages.
"You okay?"
Giles didn't move. "Bloody wonderful."
"Can I do anything?"
"You can open the door."
"I meant your hand, do you need me to-"
"Just open the door," Giles said, careful to keep his tone light. "I'd like to read outside."
He
took a step back, and Xander opened the door and went out himself,
pulling the chair out to a comfortable distance from the table, and
making sure Giles was settled properly, before catching something in
Giles' look that sent him back inside. "I'll just leave this door open.
Call if you need anything."
* * *
Xander changed his
bandages twice a day. Giles was rather growing to like this ritual, but
it wasn't until that second evening that he understood why. Xander was
looking down at the hand he was holding, hair falling over his eyes,
and Giles realised he couldn't look away. Suddenly he was uncomfortably
conscious of Xander's thighs against his knees, and the faint dampness
of Xander's palm.
It had been far too long since Giles had adult
company, if Xander playing nurse could start pushing those buttons.
Giles hadn't had thoughts like this while Willow bandaged his hands. Of
course, he'd never had Willow undo his trousers, either.
"How's that?"
Giles
hadn't seen him look up, too absorbed in watching his hands. Xander had
very good hands. "Oh. Er, good. Very good. Thank you."
* * *
Dammit,
this wasn't the book he wanted, either. But he'd got Xander up five
times in as many minutes, and he wasn't going to disturb him again.
Especially now that Xander had settled in with an actual book he'd
found on one of his trips to the shelf, instead of the idiot box.
Giles
stared at his useless page. The Latin was what he wanted. A few days
ago, he would have fetched it off the shelf without a thought. Giles
was never going to take his hands for granted again.
"What do
you need?" Xander had closed his book around his finger and was sitting
up, expectantly. Rather like a dog awaiting the order to fetch its
master's slippers.
"I don't-"
"I can tell."
"I'm sorry."
Xander rolled his eyes. "Don't be sorry. Ask. It's why I'm here, remember?"
"Sor... I wanted the Latin of this."
He fetched the book and rearranged the desk before sliding it in front of him. "This is what you want?"
Giles
got Xander to help him find the pertinent chapter to save changing his
mind and getting the boy up again. But when Xander sat down and opened
his book, Giles found himself watching him instead. "What are you
reading?"
"Solz... Looks like one of your demon names." Xander held up the book.
"Solzhenitsyn?"
"Yeah.
A day in the life of someone whose day sucks worse than any of mine.
And I gotta tell you, that's not a small achievement."
It wasn't at all what Giles would have expected Xander to read. "Why did you choose that?"
"It
was the thinnest one there. Also, 'one day'. I figured I could get
through a day of something stuffy enough for you to own." He glanced at
it. "It's pretty good. Y'know, for a cesspool of total misery."
He
slid back into his seat and opened it, so Giles got back to his own
books, only allowing himself occasional breaks to watch Xander read.
He'd never noticed, in all those nights at the library, just how
absorbing that could be.
It couldn't have been much more than an hour later that Giles sat back. "God, I'm done with reading."
Xander looked back from the couch. "Need something?"
"No.
I don't know. No." He rubbed his forehead with his little rubber
page-turner. "I really had no idea how hard it is to read without
distraction."
"I thought that's how you liked it."
"So
did I, until I spent a whole day reading without being able to break
for two minutes to make a cup of tea or to fetch a book."
Xander was already on his feet. "You need tea?"
"No. I need to be able to make tea. I need to have an excuse to get up and have a wander around."
That
got a grin out of him. "Ha. You are more like us procrastinating
mortals than you realised. Wanna do something else for a while?"
"Like?" Xander seemed to have all the ideas.
"I don't know. Got any board games?"
"Erm. Scrabble, somewhere, I think."
"Scrabble. Sure. We could just unpack the board and declare you the winner."
"Considering I can't pick up the tiles..."
"We
could chop off your arms and handicap you with three tiles in your
tile-holder-thing and you'd still humiliate me. Let's nix the Scrabble.
How about a walk?"
That... actually wasn't a half-bad idea. Stretch his legs, get some air. Relax his eyes.
He
hardly needed company on a walk, but Xander pulled on his own sneakers
before helpng Giles with his, so it seemed he was coming. To Giles'
surprise, he truly didn't mind. He rather looked forward to it, in fact.
"How are your hands?"
"Fine."
"Not hurting? You don't want something for them before we go?"
Giles
wiggled his fingers, to test them, Uncomfortable, not painful. "They'll
do." Xander locked the door and pocketed Giles' keys. Giles led the way
up the stairs. "Shall we head to Main Street?"
Xander's eyes widened, and then he got a worried look. "Nah. Let's stay on this side of town."
Giles wondered what that was about. Avoiding the girls? They'd all seemed on good terms, of late.
Xander
was rather stuck with Giles now, though. He'd have to find a way to
push Xander out of the house to go dancing with the others, or whatever
it was they were doing these days. Xander was likely going crazy,
spending all his time with a forty-five year-old. It was likely worse
for him than it was for Giles himself.
Particularly since it wasn't proving so very awful for Giles at all.
They
walked in silence at first, just soaking in the afternoon sun and fresh
air, but eventually they started talking, and it turned out Xander
wasn't avoiding the girls, exactly.
"Buffy's kind of holed up in her misery, and I'm not really the best person to offer comfort in the Angel department, you know?"
"I know," Giles replied, not quite able to keep the dryness from his tone.
Xander
shrugged, not seeming to feel particularly guilty. "Willow and Oz
are... I mean, more than before, and especially after me and Will...
you know about that, right? Oh god, of course you don't-"
"I knew." He really didn't know how the rest of them had missed it.
"Great." Xander stared down at his feet.
Giles
wasn't sure what to say, but he hated the turn in mood, and he'd
reached to squeeze Xander's arm before he remembered that his hands
were bandaged, or that he didn't pet Xander, as a general rule. "I
don't think any less of you." They were seventeen and hormonal and
confused, and he'd rather felt for them, cringing as he saw past the
lustful looks to the disaster approaching.
"Can't think less of me."
That hurt, a surprising amount, and they passed a couple of houses before Giles could reply. "Is that how you see me?"
Xander looked up at his tone. "I thought we were talking about how you see me."
"Do you really think, after everything you've done, I would sit back in judgment?"
Xander looked utterly surprised. "I didn't mean it like, I mean..."
"It's
a difficult life we lead. I wasn't merely running from it at your age;
I was creating havoc, and I didn't spare a thought for anything so
trivial as other people's feelings. I certainly wasn't showing the sort
of courage, loyalty or good humour that you shrug off on a daily basis,
and I'm hardly going to criticise you for letting your emotions rule
you for a few weeks." The expression on Xander's face made Giles
realise just how overdue such words were. What was he doing, that this
lot all saw him as the disapproving patriar ch?
It was a good few minutes, before Xander asked, "Is this a post-graduation thing?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Talking like adults."
Giles
wanted to argue, but when had he and Xander ever spoken like this - or
about anything of personal significance - before? "Perhaps it's both of
us. Perhaps it's having you dress me."
That got a grin out of
him, to Giles' relief. He really didn't want to dwell on such emotive
topics. It was true. There had been a shift at some point - not on a
single day, but over months, possibly drifting ever since Xander and
Willow pitched in to stop the Harvest - and they weren't children in
his eyes, as they were the first time they followed Buffy into the
library. It was convenient language, an easy way to maintain his
distance, but it really wasn't how he saw them.
It was just as
true for Xander as it was for Buffy. He wondered if that was a
legitimate enough excuse for the stirring he felt each time Xander
smoothed cream along his fingers. There had been no denying it this
morning, now he was conscious of his underlying desire, and every
gentle touch was erotic. He didn't know how he'd suppressed it before.
* * *
Giles couldn't sleep. He felt warm and hard, and he had a new addition to the list of things he couldn't do.
Wonderful. Perhaps Xander could lend him a hand with this, as well.
... Damn.
That
thought wasn't likely to go back in its box. Giles squeezed his eyes
shut. He wasn't going to think about it. He was going to think about
something else. What would he do if Xander came up the stairs just now
to ask if there was anything else he could help with and saw him in
this state? Giles' libido answered the question and now he was
imagining Xander sitting on the edge of the bed, chiding Giles that
this was why he was here, as he pulled the sheets away. Giles banished
the thought, and it was replaced with Xander opening his trousers,
looking up through those long lashes as he slipped a hand around Giles'
heavy cock. The shape of his hands. Xander's hand on his own... Now
Giles was thinking about Xander's cock. Young, very young Xander,
though you wouldn't know it from the way his shoulders and chest had
broadened, and it wasn't how he pictured Xander's cock, standing thick
and hard from dark curls.
He absolutely wasn't going to think
about it, and yet he could see just how Xander would look, bobbed down
in front of him, opening his fly. He could feel the gentle fingers
sliding down his zip, knuckles brushing his erection. And it would be
the easiest thing in the world for Giles to bury his hands in Xander's
thick, soft hair.
Pretending he wasn't thinking these thoughts
was a waste of time. Giles rolled over and thrust against the mattress,
almost groaning aloud in relief at the pressure. Xander's hands
reaching in to take out Giles' cock, just as gently as he did
everything. Giles wanted to be fisted hard, but Xander started rubbing
in cream, just with his fingertips, an inch at a time. Looking worried,
like the slightest pressure might do Giles an injury. His mouth was so
close Giles could feel each heavy breath.
Giles tried to breath
silently, pushing into the mattress, grateful the bed didn't creak. Why
in god's name had a leased an apartment with a wall-less bedroom?
Eventually he'd have to give a tug on Xander's head, a little pull so
his lips brushed the tip of Giles' cock, and he'd look so surprised as
he took the whole length in his mouth, and it would be the sound he
made that finally pushed Giles over, the sight of Xander eagerly
drinking him, dark eyes closed.
Giles sagged against the bed. He
was going to hell. He was going to the special hell, for middle-aged
men that fantasised about teenagers, and now he needed to struggle off
his soiled shorts and hide them behind the drawers, like he'd done back
when he was a boy of twelve.
* * *
Giles sat on the
edge of the bed, obediently lifting his feet into his trouser legs as
Xander directed, resting his useless hands on Xander's shoulders as he
stood for them to be pulled up. Standing over a kneeling Xander, and
last night came crashing back through to Giles' consciousness. He
snatched his hands back, and started praying Xander would do this
quickly.
Xander wasn't doing it quickly. He was taking his usual
care, hand resting easily for a moment on Giles' hip, sending threads
of heat weaving through his body, and down, to thicken in his cock.
Giles held his breath and willed himself down, but Xander looked up and
the battle was lost. Giles stepped back and hit the bed and sat down.
"I, um, I..."
"What's wrong?"
"I'll just go to the
bathroom once more before you belt me in." Giles felt a surge of pride
at his excuse as he hurried downstairs, and then he remembered he was
lusting after someone young enough to be his son. The boy still owned a
skateboard, for pity's sake.
He pushed the door shut and leaned
against it, staring reproachfully down at his shorts tenting through
his open fly. Ordinarily he could have taken care of this himself. Of
course, ordinarily, he didn't get aroused by eighteen-year-olds.
Eighteen, he told his cock, and it just sent back all sorts of obscene
ideas about things he could teach an eighteen year-old.
This was
some kind of horrendous mid-life crisis. To boot, now he had to worry
that Xander had seen or god forbid felt him stirring, and knew that
Giles was a dirty old man. No, he hadn't felt it. Giles was utterly
certain he'd have noticed if Xander's gentle thick fingers had brushed
his cock.
Giles crossed to the sink, reached for the tap before
he saw his bandages and remembered splashing water over his face was
out of the question. He leaned on the basin on his elbows instead,
leaning forward like he could simply wish it on. He had to get himself
under control. Xander would be horrified, if he knew. And Buffy... Dear
lord, Joyce. Giles thought about standing trial for making sexual
advances to a minor (or near enough), and that wilted his arousal quite
effectively.
And now Giles had locked himself in the bathroom.
He sighed, wishing for the hundredth - thousandth? - time that he'd
made friends in Sunnydale his own age. Or that there was anyone he
could reasonably ask to take over from Xander.
There wasn't. "Xander?" he called.
The door opened immediately, as though Xander had been waiting outside. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"I could go do the shopping for you, if you'll be all right on your own for an hour."
Xander
do his grocery shopping? Absolutely not. Xander put his hand on Giles'
forehead, and Giles realised he thought he was ill. "Truly, I'm fine,
Xander. And I'd really like to do my own grocery shopping."
"All
right." He shrugged, and bent forward to do up Giles' trousers, and
Giles barely had time to summon the image of police at his door before
he was done, and leading the way out.
* * *
"See?" Xander said, "Gilgamesh. Trek is full of the good quality learning stuff."
Giles
had to admit, this episode was rather better than the previous two,
ridiculous alien make-up not withstanding. He hadn't expected
intermediary-level semiotics to make it as a theme. "I don't suppose
they're going to take their metaphor to its obvious conclusion?"
"Say what?"
"Gilgamesh and Enkidu were lovers."
Xander's head spun to face him. "*Really?*"
"It's one of the world's great love stories." Now why did he have to bring that up?
Xander turned back to the television. looking thoughtful. "Really."
* * *
Giles heard Xander's voice as he came out of the bathroom. The girls were here?
No,
he was on the phone. "Yeah, Ma. Every day. Yeah. No, I'm not doing
drugs. I don't know where to buy them at the Grand Canyon anyway. I
told you about the Grand Canyon, right? How it's really big? No, I
won't sleep with any cheap women. I don't know where to find them,
either." Xander turned, and saw Giles, and went red. "Yeah, Ma, look, I
have to go okay?" He ended the call. "Sorry. I should have asked-"
"Of course you can use the phone, Xander. There's no need to ask."
"Thanks." Xander disappeared through to turn off the shower and hang up the bathmat, and returned. "You ready to get dressed?"
"Long distance calls from the Grand Canyon, however..."
Xander
went even more red, but he shrugged it off. "Dad kept saying I'd never
get past Oxnard, so when the car fell through, I kind of didn't tell
him."
"That's what Willow meant about you needing a place to stay."
"Yeah,
I don't think Mrs Rosenberg really wanted me underfoot all summer. And
sleeping on Will's floor with her and Oz getting all..." Xander blushed
again, and mercifully left the sentence incomplete.
"You're welcome to stay here."
"Really?"
"I...
uh, yes. You've certainly earned a large favour, and I, I," say it,
man, "I have rather enjoyed your company this week." A little too much,
and having Xander linger was not going to help that. Not unless Xander
finally started getting on Giles' nerves. Giles brightened at the
thought.
* * *
Xander clearly hadn't noticed a thing,
and he still wasn't questioning Giles' jumpy mood. He grew more at
ease, no longer hesitating to slide Giles' glasses off if they steamed
up, or if Giles seemed to be frowning as he read. He even carried one
of Giles' own handkerchiefs. When he heard Giles sniffling over a
curry, he reached across with it and ordered Giles to blow, like a two
year old.
Giles began to relax as well. What was the harm in
enjoying the company, as long as Xander didn't know precisely what
thoughts were wandering through Giles' head? If Xander was comfortable
sitting close enough on the couch to look over Giles' elbow when he was
taking notes from the text Giles was studying, then Giles wasn't going
to argue. Xander smelled good.
The more he looked at Xander, the
less he could see a child. Young, yes, but with a gravity few were
privileged to recognise, and physically, not at all. Not at all.
Xander's mess of dark hair was inches in front of Giles' mouth as he copied the diagram into Giles' notebook, for him.
"It's seven-thirty," Giles said.
"Okay?"
Xander said, absently. His left shoulder was pressing against Giles'
chest as he leaned across, fingers resting on the image. If only they
could take the book away.... No, it was not the time to entertain such
thoughts.
"Seven-thirty? We could pick this up later."
Xander looked up, eyes narrow, and very close. "You want to watch Star Trek."
"I thought you would want to."
Xander looked at the blank television. "Nah. This is okay."
He leaned in again, and Giles swallowed. "Are you sure you don't want to watch television?"
"You do want to watch Star Trek."
Giles gave him a stony glare, and Xander's eyes lifted. Laughing at him. God, he was beautiful.
A
smile crept slowly across Xander's lips, and Giles couldn't tear his
gaze away. Heat coiled in his gut, and he realised, Xander likes me,
just a moment before Xander leaned in and Giles was surprised by how
sweet he tasted. Not surprised by how gentle he was. Very surprised
they were kissing.
Giles jerked back. "What are you- I'm sorry."
He stood up and ignored the book falling from his lap - that was a
problem for his second, more useful pair of hands - and headed for the
front door, but he wouldn't be able to get the handle so he just turned
and hurried upstairs.
What had he done? No, Xander had done it -
he was sure it was Xander who'd kissed him, and not the other way
around. Xander kissed him. Giles couldn't help but to take a moment for
an adolescent 'He likes me!' And god, he could kiss. Giles' mouth
tingled. This was a mess.
Giles wondered if Xander was going to
follow him up here, and what he'd say if he did. He didn't. After a few
minutes, there was a click of the television coming on, and the Star
Trek theme broke in on the silence.
That had been handled badly.
Giles should have stayed down there, said something to the boy, but
even now, nothing came to mind, except a load of blatant lies, like, 'I
couldn't possibly be interested in someone your age.'
Xander was
likely packing his bags, preparing some thin excuse for why Buffy or
Willow should take over. After a while, Giles heard sounds from the
kitchen, cupboards and taps, and eventually Xander called up, "Dinner's
in five!"
So not leaving, then. Giles still didn't know what he planned to say, but he dragged himself downstairs.
"Lasagna.
My mom's recipe." He gestured to the frozen dinner box on the sink,
before pulling the tray out of the microwave. He hacked up half for
Giles, and slid a fork between his bandaged fingers. "Mom's more about
the Stouffer's, but I hear cooking's all about putting your own stamp
on the recipe."
"Xander-"
Xander picked up the bowls and
carried them out to the table, his back to Giles. "Anything you're
about to say, you should save it because it's all forgotten."
"Xander-"
"Didn't happen."
"I'm sorry that-"
"Didn't happen."
Giles swallowed. He didn't have any words of wisdom to share, anyway. "All right."
Xander looked at him, face unreadable.
Dinner
was an altogether new level of awkward. Xander didn't look up, except
to ask every two minutes if Giles wanted something. Cracked pepper? A
napkin? A drink? Extra cheese? That was the extent of the conversation.
Giles devoted every ounce of his concentration to balancing his fork.
Forgetting
the kiss was ludicrously unlikely. Xander didn't sit so close, when
they retired to the couch, which only made Giles realise that their
earlier proximity hadn't merely been for convenience. Xander had been
flirting with him.
Is that why he'd agreed to help out in the
first place? Giles should have disapproved, but he only found himself
watching Xander in odd moments, wondering how long this had been going
on, and wishing he could kiss him again.
Xander looked up, and Giles jerked his attention back to his book.
* * *
Fantasy-Xander
wasn't surprised, that night. Fantasy-Xander wanted Giles and wasn't
taking no for an answer, kissing him, touching everywhere, and Giles
was helpless to push him away, with his ridiculous bound hands. And
there went another pair of shorts, to jam behind the drawers.
* * *
Giles greeted the day with more trepidation than he'd had since the
first morning. He wished they'd hashed it out last night, said
something to clear the air a little. Now it seemed too late to raise
again.
Xander had breakfast ready and had already eaten his own
when Giles came down. He awkwardly excused himself to shower while
Giles ate. It seemed he didn't wish to raise the matter, either.
Giles touched his mouth, as he watched Xander go.
Xander
returned just as Giles finished his cereal, looking damp, smelling
fresh and warm as he reached over for Giles' bowl. "I'll just get this
to the sink, and then we can do your hands."
Oh, no. "They're coming along. It wouldn't hurt to skip it for today."
"No way." Xander pointed couchward. "The doctor said every day. Sit here while I get the first aid kit."
When
Xander came back, they both fumbled about, trying to sit without their
legs touching. Finally Xander grabbed his knees and pushed them apart,
sliding his own legs between as they had every time previously. "I'm
sorry about... Let's not be weird, okay?" He said it softly, without
meeting Giles' eyes.
"All right," Giles replied. He offered his
hands. Of course, it was impossible not to 'be weird', with Xander's
handprints on his knees and the sure knowledge that Xander was thinking
about how well they fit together yesterday.
"Are they still hurting?"
"Just twinging a little, when I bend them."
Xander
had grown fast and neat at rolling the bandages off. The skin had begun
to heal, which meant it was scabbing over and turning rather grotesque.
Xander didn't seem to notice, working just as carefully has he had from
the beginning. He smoothed the cream everywhere and then slowly worked
it in, focused like it was open-heart surgery. Working the joints and
stretching his fingers just slightly as he went, using his thumbs on
Giles' palms and the tips of his fingers up the length of Giles' own
fingers. For the rest of his life, Giles was sure he'd find the scene
of this particular antiseptic cream arousing.
Now, Giles was
painfully aware he wasn't the only one feeling the contact. It would
have taken a far better man that he, to resist casually sliding his
eyes south to take in the outline in Xander's jeans. A far, far better
man. The thought of it made his mouth water.
Unfortunately, it
also led Giles to realise how much more exposed he was, himself, with
his legs wedged apart. He hoped Xander was too absorbed in his work to
let his own eyes wander. He hoped a little, that Xander was measuring
him up and planning to kiss him again.
* * *
GIles
hovered for a good few minutes outside the bathroom door, wondering if
it would be acceptable to interrupt. The shower had stopped a while
ago, but Xander was still in there.
"I can feel you hovering out there," came from inside.
Giles
pushed the door open - Xander had taken to leaving it ajar, out of
empathy or just in case Giles needed to barge in, Giles wasn't sure -
to find Xander wearing only low-riding jeans, and a towel slung around
his neck, as he shaved. Damp hair, warm damp skin, the scent of fresh
soap in the air; this is why Giles shouldn't have interrupted.
"What's
up?" Xander turned to face him properly, so Giles could see his face
still half-lathered, his broad chest and the trail of hair creeping
south from his navel to the open button of his fly.
"Giles?"
"I,
uh." He swallowed. He'd come in for a reason, something other than
ogling Xander's body, and he didn't have the foggiest what that reason
was. "Never mind."
"Don't go far."
Giles froze. "I'm sorry?"
"You're
next. The scruffy look is way too weird on you." Xander stepped up and
casually ran a hand down Giles' jaw, which was bristly enough for a
fairly loud rasp. Xander had turned back to the mirror even before the
shiver made it through Giles' body. They were back to being casual?
Giles hadn't agreed to that.
"How, err, how long?" He should
have thanked Xander and insisted scruffy was perfectly acceptable under
the circumstances and walked away, but he didn't move, didn't protest.
"I'm
almost done. You may as well wait." Xander jerked his head towards the
toilet, and then reached over to drop the lid. "Have a seat."
He
absolutely shouldn't have, but he did, crossing his bandaged hands
self-consciously in front of him. He was mesmerised as Xander leaned in
towards the mirror, stretching and turning his face to catch the
stubble. "What cream are you using?" It barely looked like shaving
cream.
Xander shrugged. "I don't know. Store brand."
"Try
this." Giles was up and fumbling to open the cabinet before he'd
thought about proximity or bandages. He wasn't sure which posed the
greater problem.
Xander took over opening the door, even as he shrugged again. "What I've got's okay."
Giles
pointed to his own. "Try it." Which somehow left Giles standing at
Xander's shoulder while Xander lathered up again, close enough to drag
his fingers up the muscles of Xander's back, if only he'd had fingers
to drag. If only he'd had no concerns for Xander's well-being, or
Buffy's reaction, or all the rest of the consequences. Xander's chest
swelled, as he inhaled the scent of Giles' cream.
Somewhere
beneath all Xander's casual actions was the man who kissed Giles
yesterday, and the thought of it shortened Giles' breath. If he were to
let his ridiculous mittened hand brush down Xander's spine, Xander
mightn't do a thing to stop him. More likely he'd turn, and kiss him
again like yesterday, and Giles' self-control would tumble, quickly
followed by all the threads of his nice, stable life.
Of course,
how stable was his life, really? Giles eyed the smooth, tan skin,
watching it shift over muscles as Xander turned his head one way and
another. They all kept bigger secrets than this. Worse secrets, than
one man's wandering hands. Worse than an illicit affair between a man
and a... a very young man.
"You're right, that was way better."
Xander ran his hands over his face, and Giles wanted to follow them,
but Xander bent to wash himself clean and Giles was left with his own
face in the mirror, rough skin and wrinkles and grey stubble. He went
back to sit on the toilet seat.
Xander rinsed out the sink and
filled it again. He lifted his towel and patted himself dry, cocking
his head as he took in Giles. He leaned forward, the towel around his
neck swinging forward so Giles could see his tight copper nipples, and
then he was overwhelmed by the scents of shaving cream and mint and
fresh soap, as Xander slid two fingers under his chin. This was a
terrible idea.
"Too low," Xander muttered, and hooked a hand
under Giles' arm to haul him up, against the sink. "Better." He slid
his hands down Giles' bristled jaw, like he was just testing his task,
except they both knew he wasn't. Xander was flushed, as though at any
moment he planned to take this further.
His fingers were gentle
as always, smoothing the cool cream over Giles' chin, just like with
his hands except with this it was nearly impossible not to meet each
others' eyes.
Xander picked up his razor and their eyes met, and neither of them moved.
"Just
remember we're both on the same side," Giles managed with a glance at
the razor, startled by how low his own voice had dropped.
Xander
grinned, suddenly. "I'll show mercy. Gonna be weird, though, doing it
from this way." He shifted the razor in his hand a couple of times,
before settling on a way to hold it.
The razor scraped down
Giles' jaw, leaving a cool line in its wake. More confident, Xander
worked his way around the easiest lines, close enough for Giles to feel
his breath on the newly-cleared skin. The other side as well, slow and
thorough, smooth strokes and the splash of the razor in the sink behind
him. Xander nudged him to lift his chin, and Giles realised that Xander
had been leaning in as Giles slowly leaned back, until Giles was arched
backwards over the sink, Xander over him. Which, aside from being
desperately arousing, left his groin pressed forward against Xander's
hip. "Let me just..." He pressed his hand against Xander's chest, sure
he could feel the heat of him through the bandages, and found a safer
position. Safer being a relative term, when Xander was dragging a razor
up his throat, under his chin.
That, for example, was relatively
safer than Xander honing in on his lips and chin. "It's funny," Xander
said, narrowing his eyes as he experimented with angles for the cleft,
free hand cupping Giles' jaw. "I always thought you were taller than
me." And he was, but not by much.
"You've grown." Taller. Broader. More desirable.
Xander
watched him, about to kiss him- Or to catch the last few bristles on
the razor. He grabbed a wet cloth he'd already had waiting and gently
wiped the rest of the shaving cream away, then tossed it on the sink
and lifted the ends of the towel hanging down his chest to pat Giles'
face dry. "There. That's our Giles." It sounded possessive, like the
'our' was a 'my'.
* * *
That night, Fantasy-Xander bent
Giles back over the bathroom sink, pressing a thigh between Giles' as
he nuzzled his way up Giles' throat to his sensitive, freshly-shaved
jaw.
Perhaps tomorrow, Xander could help him research which circle of hell Dante reserved for the corruptors.
* * *
Giles
was amassing a collection of soiled shorts behind his drawers, and he
was starting to worry that his bedroom smelled like a brothel. He was
sure of it, when Xander suggested washing.
"I'll do it. Just sit back. Relax. Take advantage of me."
Wonderful. Thank you, for that image. "I'll, uh, just help you to get started."
Xander
brought up the wash basket and helped Giles sort through the hamper,
checking pockets while Giles searched for an excuse to send him ahead
so he could smuggle his secret stash of stiff shorts out and into the
wash.
Xander stripped the sheets off the bed and picked up the
basket, waiting. Right. Giles followed him downstairs. Maybe he could
double-back for the towels. "I'll just grab the towels," said Xander,
"and my bag."
Damn. Giles led the way out to the laundry, stood
uselessly by while Xander handled his clothes, dividing them into a
couple of machines, throwing his own clothes in on top. Eventually he
left him to it, trudging back to the flat, scheming like a child in the
first throes of puberty.
Of course! He'd learned a thing or two
as a boy. He hurried upstairs, knocked a shirt off a hanger... Too
crisp. He dropped it and kicked it around a little to look worn, before
scooping his underwear collection out of its hiding place and rolling
it all up inside the shirt.
He jogged down the stairs, passing
Xander on the way out. "Forgot my shirt." He hurried around to the
laundry, glad they were top-loading machines so he only had to wedge a
bandaged thumb under the lid and drop in the evidence.
He
grinned to himself, entirely too proud. This was how criminals felt,
evading the police. It was how he used to feel, evading the police, a
very long time ago.
"You got it in okay?"
Giles jumped half a mile.
"Giles?"
Xander could bloody-well wait, while he got his heartbeat back under control. "Just fine. Thank you."
* * *
While
he browsed through a journal that afternoon, Giles had the distinct
pleasure of watching Xander fold his underwear and socks, an act that
seemed well beyond the call of duty. He was surprisingly neat with it,
everything stacked and bundled into a pile for each of them, until
there was only Giles' button-shirts and good trousers left in the
basket.
"Um. What do you want me to do with these?"
"Just leave them in there, to be ironed later."
"Oh." He looked uncertain. "Did you want me to do that?"
Giles leaned back in his chair, smiling. "Do you know how?"
"Yes, I know how to iron. I'm not a hick. I just think it's a total waste of time."
Giles cringed. "It's really not necessary. But thank you for offering."
"Sure. I'll go put this stuff away."
Giles
opened his mouth to object, but Xander was already halfway up the
stairs. The line between what was necessary and what was using Xander
as a free maid was a fuzzy one. And since every time Giles tried to
mind it, Xander got offended, perhaps it was best just to keep his
mouth shut.
He turned back to his book, that he'd somehow
forgotten he was reading while he watched Xander work. He was tired of
sitting at his desk. He wanted to move to the couch. Not for any
particular reason, certainly not because that was where Xander was
likely to sit when he came back down.
He just had to get his
book over there. He could do that himself. He nudged the book to the
edge with his forearm, and then bumped it into the crook of his elbow.
There. Definitely capable. He reached to straighten the pile he'd
bumped, but it tipped and he jumped to save it and a crash shattered
the quiet.
"Fucking goddamn fuck!"
Lamp everywhere. And there was Xander, standing on the stairs, staring. "I didn't know you knew those words."
"Just... save it." Giles bent to start picking up the pieces, and Xander leapt over, diving across the desk to catch his elbow.
"Leave it."
"I can't just-"
"Yeah, you can."
Giles let himself be pulled up. "I feel a right twit."
"That's because you tried to do something instead of just asking me, and broke your lamp."
"I'm sick of being useless!"
"Yeah, well." Xander gave him a look of genuine sympathy. "Deal." He shrugged, and tugged Giles away from the mess.
Just... deal. He supposed he had to.
"See?"
Xander said, pushing him down on the couch. "You get to be Xander
Harris for a week. A quarter-mile in my shoes." What an awful thing to
say. "Got a scoop?"
"Under the sink. Xander..." Once again, he
didn't have the words to magically cure a lifetime of
self-flagellation, but Xander wasn't waiting to hear it, anyway. He
made more noise than he needed to, picking up the frame, sweeping up
all the glass. He was careful, chasing around corners and under
furniture to catch everything that had scattered. Bending over, and
Giles couldn't have torn his eyes away if he tried. He didn't try.
When he stood up, Giles came around to admire his work, stumbling for some way to sound appreciative. "Thank you."
"No problem."
"No,
I mean, thank you. For all of it. This week. Your care, your patience.
I haven't been the best patient, but I do appreciate... You've been
extremely generous, and you don't deserve my ill-humour."
Xander smiled, deliciously warm and sincere, and it started a simmer in Giles' stomach.
This
time, he couldn't pretend he didn't see it coming. The best he could
say was that he didn't move, that it was entirely Xander right up until
their lips touched.
He unravelled inside, and Xander's hands
were on his shoulders, and Giles' hands couldn't be anywhere. He wanted
to run his fingers through Xander's hair, feel the muscles in his arms,
trace his spine. All he could do was kiss that beautiful mouth.
Xander's tongue moved slow and steady inside him, like afternoon sex.
They shouldn't be doing this, but he wasn't going to step away this
time. He'd rather be damned. Xander wanted him.
Xander pulled
back, and Giles' gut clenched, but he went no further. "See how much
better it is, without the unstrategic retreat?" He smiled again, and
Giles lost that much more control of the situation, ready to surrender
entirely.
Xander's hands dragged down Giles' back as he let go. "I'm gonna get this broken glass out to the trash."
He wasn't serious.
He
was serious. Giles was left standing there, as Xander sauntered out the
door. He wasn't entirely sure what just happened. Wasn't Xander
supposed to be seducing him? Xander was the teenager with the runaway
hormones, and Giles was the steadying influence, who was going to - at
any moment - push Xander away and let him down gently. Someone needed
to drag Xander back here because Giles couldn't prove he was just about
to put a stop to it if Xander didn't come right back and kiss him
exactly like that again. Giles' hands were tied.
He was still
standing in the same place when Xander came back and breezed straight
past him to the kitchen. "I'm feeling brave. How about I tackle that
steak?" He poked his head over the counter. "This may surprise you, but
I do a mean pepper sauce."
Not particularly surprising,
considering he'd watched Xander throw the pepper sauce sachet in the
shopping cart. But also hardly the first topic of conversation on
Giles' mind. He didn't move, as Xander dragged out pans and pots, and a
chopping board, and stood in the middle of the kitchen, thoughtfully
working his lush lower lip between his teeth for a long moment, before
he started raiding the crisper drawer.
Giles really, truly,
didn't give a flying fuck about dinner. He was more aroused than he
remembered being in a very long time, and he wanted to make it utterly
clear that he absolutely wasn't going to stand for any more of this. No
more touching, or almost kissing, or kissing, or lying awake at night
picturing things that would get him a jail term, if Xander were six
months younger.
While Giles simmered, Xander chopped onion and
slid it hissing into the pan, losing a few pieces to the floor. He bent
to pick them up, and Giles found himself leaning forward to watch, and
he exploded. "Xander, I hardly need to tell you how inappropiate this
is."
"Onion?"
"You're eighteen years old, with plenty of reason to be searching out a surrogate father-figure."
Xander
gave the pan a quick stir and faced him, folding his arms, raising an
eyebrow. "Seems to me I've been looking after you, this week. Maybe
you're the one with the father complex."
"Xander, do be serious."
"Call me Daddy."
"Xander-"
He leaned on his elbows on the counter. "Yes, son?"
This
was the irritating side of Xander that GIles had been waiting for. "I
can't talk to you like this." He stormed up to the loft.
Two minutes later, Xander was at the top of the stairs. "You want me."
"That's
hardly, that's not..." Giles was falling into the gap between
acceptable answers and true ones. He wished he'd sat on the other side
of the bed, so there'd be a barrier between them. Not that a bed was
the best candidate for a barrier, just now.
"I was gonna back
off." Xander put a hand on his hip, looking utterly sure of himself.
This really wasn't the time for him to be discovering self-confidence.
"I was gonna back off to another continent where nobody knew me, where
I could change my name and never have to look you in the eye again, but
you couldn't hide it. You didn't even try very hard."
Giles
opened his mouth, but Xander went right on going. "I saw the way you
looked at me when I was doing your hands, yesterday. Contrary to
popular opinion, I'm not completely stupid. And even if I was, I would
have figured it out for sure when you were watching me shave." He
lifted his chin, triumphant, like he'd just unveiled the murderer in an
Agatha Christie mystery. "You have a big dirty crush on Xander Harris."
And there he was, Rupert Giles unveiled. He shook his head, hard.
One
step closer. Two. Giles held his breath. Close enough for Xander to
say, quietly in Giles' ear, "Tell me you're not wishing like crazy
right now that I'll keep right on coming, push you backwards, climb
over you on the bed and kiss the protests right out of you?"
He
was a bloody mindreader. Except Giles' imagination included stripping
naked, somewhere in there, and persuasion that had more to do with what
Fantasy-Xander would do with his cock.
The 'Yeah, I thought so,'
was written so clearly on Xander's face, he might as well have said it
out loud. It was the perfect time to move closer, and push Giles back,
and do all the other things he'd suggested. Giles wouldn't have
resisted for a second. Xander shifted away. And then he turned and went
back downstairs.
Giles stared after him.
The gall of the
boy. The disgraceful, smug, insolent hide of him. Giles was going to
throttle him, just as soon as he had use of his hands. It would the
first thing he- well, the second thing he did, right after he spent an
hour or two in the bathroom, working off days of frustration.
He jogged down the stairs. "I'm afraid this isn't working out."
Xander looked out from the kitchen. "Looks to be working just fine to me."
"Stop it. I'm quite serious." He had to be serious.
At last, Xander wavered, and shut his mouth. Good.
He
had to be the adult, put a stop to this. It would only take five
minutes of thinking with his mind instead of his cock. He could manage
five minutes. "This isn't working. I'll make other arrangements, get
somebody in, or something. It will only be a few more days. I'm sure
you can find somewhere else to stay." The lingering smugness in
Xander's eyes faded, and it wasn't anywhere near as relieving as Giles
had hoped. "Thank you for, for everything. I've enjoyed your company
this week more than you, you, well, perhaps not. But you've been very
attractive- I, I, I mean, attentive..."
The spark was returning
to Xander's eyes, fairly much in time with the flush rising up Giles'
neck into his cheeks, and burning his ears.
"I'm, I'm sorry
about dinner, but I'm, I'm going to bed." It was barely dark, but Giles
had suffered enough humiliation, and the sooner this day was over, the
better.
He headed for the stairs once more, freezing at Xander's gentle, "Giles?"
He
almost kept going, but he couldn't. Not when there was the possibility
that Xander had found the words Giles needed to be convinced. Or - he
turned back, to find Xander approaching, and a shiver ran up his spine
- the actions.
Xander stopped barely a foot away. "Need me to get those buttons for you?"
Buttons?
Oh. The buttons. Giles nodded, and Xander efficiently undid the buttons
on his shirt, and then dropped to his knees to open Giles' fly.
The door burst open, Buffy, Willow and Oz traipsing in on Xander on his knees opening Giles' trousers.
Giles slapped his hands over his opened clothes. "This isn't what it looks like!"
The lot of them stood frozen in the doorway, startled.
"Well,
said Oz, "it looks like he's opening your pants, which you can't do
yourself, since you've got the whole bandages situation. If it's not
that, then I'm intrigued."
Buffy and Willow grinned.
"Oh. That's, that's what it is."
Xander
zipped him back up and stood to get his shirt buttons, shooting him the
sort of 'what kind of incompetent are you?' look Giles usually aimed at
Xander.
"Don't even joke about it, guys," Buffy said, continuing in. "I can't afford the therapy."
Willow
laughed. "Can you imagine, Giles and Xander, boyfriends?" They both
giggled. "Giles'd have to learn to love Hong Kong movie marathons."
"Ooh!" Buffy poked Xander as she passed. "Xander'd take up wearing braces and waistcoats."
"Where do you think they'd go on dates? Giles could take Xander to a cross-referencing seminar."
"After romantic candlelit pizza!"
They both laughed, plopping themselves on the couch.
"I don't know," said Oz. "I can see it, in a crazy kind of way."
"No way," said Buffy. "They'd be the weirdest couple ever."
Willow leaned against her, giggling crazily. "Like... Larry and Snyder!"
"Cordelia and Jonathan!"
Willow howled. "Wesley and the lunch lady!"
"Me and Spike!" They laughed even harder.
"I hardly think it would be all that ridiculous," Giles snapped.
Everything
stopped, including Giles' heart, and four pairs of eyes turned to him,
round and unblinking. Dear god, what had he done? "I, I, I, I, mean, I
mean, if we were, of course we aren't, but if we were to, I mean,
Xander's a, a very good catch, and if I were to, which of course I
would never, but, but if circumstances were different, very different,
then, then..." One by one, the others were turning their gazes on
Xander, until Giles finished with a pitiful, "Would it really be all
that ridiculous?"
Only Xander was watching him now, and with
such a look of abject pity that it achieved the impossible, of making
Giles feel even more embarrassed.
"It really wouldn't," Xander said, and stepped closer.
Giles
stepped back, but Xander kept coming, and once he caught him, hands
skimming up Giles' back, leaning in, mouth sure and hard and insistent,
Giles surrendered. He should have surrendered days ago. They should
have been kissing like this every minute since that first time.
Giles
couldn't look away as they parted. Xander's lips were swollen and
shining. Wherever Xander's confidence had come from, Giles wanted it.
God, he wanted him.
"Um," said somebody, "Okay." Buffy. Buffy was here, and the others. Oh, no.
"Congratulations?" said Willow, in a small voice.
"Wow," Buffy added. "That's, uh, yeah. Congratulations."
Giles was still staring at Xander, waiting for the world to fall in.
"Just
checking," said Oz. "He was just helping you with the clothes when we
came in, right? Because if it was something else, we could, like, go
and walk around the block a few times, 'til you're done."
That
sounded like a marvellous idea, and Giles almost said so, but Xander
beat him to it. "Nah, you were right. That was just a helping thing."
That didn't mean it wouldn't be a good idea for them to go away.
"So what brings the Scooby team to Chez Giles?" Xander asked.
Giles finally looked around, wondering what Xander was doing, encouraging them to stay, right now.
Buffy
pulled her legs up under her. "Thought it was time to stop by, see if
either of you went crazy and killed the other. Which I guess you
haven't. Killed each other."
Xander gave Giles a little shove, pushing him into the armchair, and headed for the kitchen. Giles sat.
"How are your hands, Giles?"
Willow
was talking to him. Right. His hands. "Er, better. Much better. Thank
you. I'm, I'm hoping the bandages can stay off, soon." First thing, he
was going to touch Xander, learn every inch of that delicious broad
chest. He'd lie on his back, Xander kneeling over him, letting him feel
the lines of muscle, letting him scratch and flick his nipples until he
caught Giles' wrists and pinned them to the bed as he kissed him again,
just the same.
"That's good."
Yes. Good.
Xander
settled in as host, offering drinks and snacks from Giles' pantry,
being far more hospitable than Giles particularly wanted him to be. The
longer they stayed, the better the chance of one of them standing up
and asking what in hell's name just happened, and calling Giles a
filthy pervert.
Willow looked from one to the other as she accepted a Coke from Xander. "So, uh, how did you two become, um, you two?"
Giles quite honestly had no idea.
"It's been building for a while, Will."
It
had? Willow didn't seem to think that merited any further questions,
which was surprising because Giles could think of dozens right off the
top of his head, and the first half-dozen or so were 'Since when?' He
almost asked it aloud.
None of them asked anything more, or
dragged Xander out of the room to ask if he'd been coerced in some way.
They talked about who they'd seen around since school finished, and
where their surviving agemates seemed to be headed.
All perfectly normal conversation.
As
they filed out, seemingly a few ice ages later, Giles managed to stand
up and bid them farewell. Buffy doubled back, and he braced himself.
"Sorry
about all that stuff we said." She smiled. "I totally didn't see this
one coming, but if you're happy, then I guess I'm happy for you. I'm
glad you've both got somebody."
She was glad. "You don't, you aren't... but he's eighteen!"
"Eighteen's a good age. I'm definitely shopping the 'born in the twentieth century' bracket for my next boyfriend."
God, yes. He'd utterly forgotten Angel's age. God, how had Angel felt about lusting after a sixteen year-old?
"You're both human. Your both good guys. I rate this a good match." She smiled, and followed the others out the door.
Happy for him. She wasn't going to hold him back. Nor was Willow, nor Oz. And certainly not Xander.
The door clicked, and Giles' heart squirmed up into his throat. Nobody was holding him back.
Xander leaned back against the door, eyeing him. "So, are we done, with the protests?"
Giles nodded.
"No more running and hiding?"
Giles shook his head.
Xander pushed off the door, and wandered closer. "Then I think I was in the middle of taking your pants off."
"Yes." Giles said, through a dry throat.
"How about we do it upstairs, this time?"
He'd never made it upstairs so fast.
Xander
opening his shirts was old hat by now, but not this time. Giles' skin
crackled as the air reached him, and it didn't seem to be an accident
that Xander's fingers brushed his nipples as he pushed it off and
followed it down Giles' arms, to lift it over the bandages. Xander's
palms dragged down his chest, over his stomach, to his hips, as Xander
slid to his knees at Giles' feet. It was no accident at all, that
Xander's hands rested against his erection as he twisted the button and
slowly lowered Giles' zip.
This time, Xander hooked his fingers
into the waistband of his trousers and his shorts, pulled the lot down
to his knees. This time, Xander was gazing openly at Giles' cock, mouth
inches away and open like an invitation. Giles couldn't breathe.
"Kick
these off," Xander said, touching Giles' hip to balance him - or
perhaps just to arouse him more - as Giles kicked his pants into the
corner. Naked, except for the bandages, and hard as hell, and Xander
was still fully dressed. "Gonna tell me you don't want me?"
"No."
Xander slid a hand down his cock and Giles gasped, hips bucking forward into the touch.
"Gonna tell me you don't need me to help with this?"
"No," Giles rasped.
"All
right, then." This wasn't like the shaving or the hand cream at all,
not the least bit gentle or tentative. Xander's hands were firm and
sure as they squeezed Giles' cock, thumb dragging up the soft skin
beneath the head. Giles wasn't about to deny him anything. And
certainly not when he smiled like that, up through long dark lashes.
"Gonna call me Daddy?"
A laugh burst out of him. "Absolutely not." Yes, he could deny him that.
Xander
grinned. "Maybe later." He stood and pushed Giles back onto the bed,
pulling his own shirt over his head, sending his jeans to the floor,
and yes, he was well and truly a man, cock deliciously fat and tall,
and that trail of hair from his navel grew thick around his cock and
down his balls. Giles wanted to touch him, desperately, reached until
Xander caught his useless hands. "Nuh-uh." He pushed them over behind
Giles' head, and Giles submitted, boneless.
Those wonderful
hands slid down Giles' chest to his hips. "I could barely sleep for
thinking about this," Xander said, dipping his eyes to Giles' erection.
"Lying down there on the couch, cock in my fist, wondering how you were
doing, without hands. Used to think about coming up and offering to
lend you a hand."
"I could use one now." He was perfectly willing to beg.
That hand was heaven. Strong and sure.
Perhaps
Giles ought to have considered reciprocating but if Xander had been
curled up on Giles' couch, cock in hand every night, while Giles'
pushed helplessly against the mattress above him, then to hell with it,
it was his turn.
And dear god, so much better to just feel this,
let his hips push up so they could be pushed back down. The only way to
make it better was to hook his hand around Xander's neck and pull, see
the flash of grin before Xander took his mouth.
==========
kargrif
wanted to see: Friends living together and dealing with first
attraction/kiss (I kinda kept going, past the kiss, there...) with at
least one Scooby finding out in an awkward way, and someone taking
Giles' glasses away from him and polishing them for him. Preferably set
in s3 or 4, or post-Chosen (not comics). No angst or character death.
Feedback is treasured. Please excuse my slow responses on this one.
More Squidfic can be found at
The Lecherous Tentacles of Dr Squidlove
http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/s