Title: (Lean On Us and We'll) Keep Your Head Above the Water
Author: soft_princess
Website: Fly With Me
Date: May 6, 2007
Word count: 3,988

Pairings: Wesley/Xander, Giles/Xander, Giles/Wesley/Xander
Rating: FRM
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss is god.
Spoilers/setting: post-The Gift. Anya? Anya who?
Summary: There are days like today when Xander's pretty sure Giles is drowning in his guilt and in the grief he refuses to share with any of them, and Xander wants to help, but there's Wesley to think about, and things are complicated. And wow, isn't that the major understatement of the century.

Notes: written for noelia_g in the maleslashminis' special Threesome round. Request found after the fic.
I had a very porny idea, set during Graduation part 1, with Giles' library office as the 'stage', but I got stuck because I couldn't work it around canon, and for some reason, my brain said 'no' (like that's ever stopped me before. Damn brain). I tried and I tried, but it didn't work out. Then I thought 'hey, what if…' and this story was born. It's more angsty than I planned for it to be. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

The Magic Box feels empty, too quiet. Tara and Willow just left with Dawn and the Buffybot, but Xander is still sitting at the table, staring into space. Nobody asked why Wesley wasn't at the meeting. Xander's kind of grateful for that, although he still thinks someone should have noticed something.

He can hear Giles shuffling stuff around in his office, and Xander wants to go in there and--

He's not sure what he would do, but he's pretty damn certain it's not 'talking about his feelings'. Although that would probably be a much wiser and safer place to go then what his mind must be thinking. Not that Xander would know anything about that. Never mind that he should, since it's his own mind, and knowing what it's thinking would be a good thing, but--that's not the point.

The point is: there are days when being a guy really sucks. He's still pissed off at Wesley about yesterday, about today even, but Xander's not going to talk about it because that's what guys do--or don't do, whatever. Being a girl would make this whole 'throwing a temper tantrum' thing so much easier to get the hell over with.

Anyway, going back to the point: Wesley always shows up for meetings; no matter what shit happens, Wesley's there. It's a constant. And that's why Xander's so confused about nobody noticing his absence. Ever since they came back from their road trip almost two years ago, Wesley's been a real asset to the Scoobies. Gone was the uptight, rule-abiding Watcher, and in was Xander's older, adaptable, and confident boyfriend. It was a complete turnaround, and even Giles was impressed by it at the time. And if the boyfriend thing surprised anybody, they never said.

Which Xander used to wonder about, but then Willow came out, and Buffy admitted to that thing with Faith, and Giles just stammered, never really getting to the point--although Xander figured Ethan Rayne had something to do with it--and their non-reaction to Xander and Wesley's news made a lot more sense.

So to sum up his own thought processes and get back to his original point, which seemed to have gotten lost in there somewhere, Xander thinks that if there's one thing Wesley is nowadays, it's dependable.

"Xander?" Giles' voice drifts into his thoughts, and Xander looks up from his hands, both laid palms flat on the table, and glances at him. "Isn't Wesley waiting for you at home? I'd thought you'd be gone by now."

Giles has that look on his face again, the one he thinks nobody notices. It's been there since Buffy died, etching lines on his forehead, creases around his eyes. He worries for all of them, and he grieves for her. Xander wishes he knew how to make Giles stop, because Giles won't stop on his own. He looks distant and withdrawn, on most days, like he's just walking through the motions, and not actually alive. It makes Xander's chest hurt and he wants to shake him, because Giles is still here, alive, within reach, close enough for Xander to touch and--

"He'll wait," he finally says, gulping down the lump that settles in his throat.

Giles' usual frown deepens, and he sits down next to Xander. "Is--is everything al--all right?"

Xander finds no joy in the knowledge that he's not the only one feeling out of his depth here. He shakes his head. "No--yes. Maybe, I don't know. I don't want to talk about it."

"All right, then. Let me finish closing up the shop, and I'll give you a lift home."

Xander nods unconsciously, mind already racing as he watches Giles stand up and go back into his office. He still favours his left side on some days; a slight limp and a tendency to lean sideways are the only hints that the pain that comes with having a spear embedded in his chest is not entirely gone, but they're definitely there. Giles thinks nobody notices that either, but Xander does, and now he knows Wesley does too. He found out yesterday.

There are days like today when Xander's pretty sure Giles is drowning in his guilt and in the grief he refuses to share with any of them. Xander wants to help, but there's Wesley to think about, and things are complicated. And wow, isn't that the major understatement of the century.

Getting more complicated by the day too. It would be too much for Xander to ask that his life not be as complicated as humanly possible. First, there was the whole 'Vampire Slayer, demons and vampires are real, fight for your life' thing, then there was the whole 'kinda attracted to guys, Wesley kisses me in the library, well, maybe he can come with me on my road trip and we can "explore" things' thing, and now there's this.

Willow would chalk it up to overprotectiveness; never mind that Xander isn't that kind of guy most of the time. Which would be why Xander isn't talking to her about it. Wesley would freak, which would be why Xander wasn't talking to him about it either, until last night.

Xander never really understood what people meant when they said that if you let things simmer for too long, they tend to explode, but now he does. When Buffy died, Xander and Wesley leaned on each other, talked about her, cried even, sometimes, when they were so wrapped up in their thoughts that they didn't realize they were doing it. Then they stopped going out on Sunday nights like they used to and they forgot that Saturdays were made just for sleeping in and having sex.

Now, Wesley goes to work earlier in the morning (even on Saturdays) and comes home later at night; and Xander spends more time with the girls, being a friend, and trying to figure out how to fix Giles, than he spends with Wesley, just being a boyfriend and thinking about him.

Next thing you know, it's been two months and pretty much all you have on your mind is how Giles isn't dealing, and you can't even have sex with your boyfriend without thinking about it, and thoughts of 'maybe this is what Giles needs, to be touched' and when you look guiltily at your boyfriend, you realize he's kind of distracted too, and--

Xander never thought 'I don't seem to be in the mood for this tonight' would hurt that bad. Like a punch in the gut, and he was struggling to breathe, and Wesley didn't even notice. He wasn't sure if it was guilt or disappointment, though, probably a mix of both. Xander leapt from the bed, and went into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. About five minutes later, Wesley followed him.

Shaking his head, Xander stands and walks to Giles' office, leaning against the doorway. Giles is shifting papers over his desk, muttering to himself. Xander needs to think about something else than Wesley in the kitchen and the frustration and the stupidity of all of it, and so he thinks about Giles.

Which of course brings his thoughts right back to the problem at hand, because it appears that Giles is the source of Wesley and Xander's relationship issues right now. What a wonderful coincidence. Not.

"We had a fight," Xander says, softly. He crosses his arms over his chest in some sort of defense mechanism. Probably not very effective, but it keeps him from bolting away. He has a plan, or at least, the beginning of a plan, and it involves talking to Giles and getting over this stupid thing once and for all. It probably won't work, but it's worth a try.

"I figured as much," is Giles' only reply. He doesn't even look up from the files he's glancing at. It's a methodical job, Xander realizes. Giles looks at a sheet of paper, then puts it in one of three piles. After a while, there's no more papers to sort and Giles picks up the first pile and puts it in a folder, which he then shoves into a drawer.

Xander sits down on a chair. "It was about you."

Giles looks up, frown deepened.

Xander sighs.

Neither of them speaks. Xander can hear the clock on the wall ticking time. It's oddly comforting. He's counted maybe seventy-two ticks when Giles' voice breaks the silence.

"May I ask why you and Wesley fought on my behalf?"

Xander sighs again. "There's this thing, see, where you aren't eating properly, or even sleeping at all that we know of. And he's pretty sure you're hiding a couple of bottles of scotch in here, which even I wouldn't get all worked up about, considering--everything, but he thinks we should 'stage an intervention'." Which makes it sound a lot more Jerry Springer than what Wesley had in mind.

Or maybe not when you factored in the whole part where they're both attracted to Giles and their idea of 'staging an intervention' includes a lot of touching where there shouldn't be any. Ever.

As much as he wants to look away, Xander keeps his eyes on Giles, cataloguing the guilt in his gaze, and the too-long hair, and the frailness of his hands. Xander always liked Giles' hands; they were strong and able, and after he'd finally got over the whole 'so-not-straight' thing, before he had Wesley to keep him warm in bed (and even afterwards, if he has to be completely honest), he spent a lot of nights thinking about how those fingers would feel on his skin.

And suddenly, it occurs to Xander just how damned stupid this whole thing is. The solution is right there, completely self-evident, and Wesley should have figured it out, because he is the intelligent one in this relationship.

Giles is still staring at him; he looks like he's talking, but Xander's distracted by the thought that, maybe, things can work out without Xander and Wesley breaking up over this. He leans forward and grabs Giles' hand. "We're worried. I don't care what excuse you're going to make up for it, but we're worried. We fought because--well because the whole worried thing kind of distracted us from other things, and then it all exploded and we said things to each other that we shouldn't have." And then there were the things that needed to come up some day, and did.

Xander takes a deep breath and walks around the desk before Giles can think of anything to say to that. He leans forward, cupping the back of Giles' neck, and kisses him. Giles hesitates, probably debating the pros and cons of kissing Xander back; he makes a move like he's going to pull away, but Xander holds him more firmly. Not forcing him; if Giles really wants to pull away, he can, but definitely telling him that Xander doesn't want him to.

When Giles finally kisses back, it's hard and desperate. He tugs Xander into his lap and wraps both of his arms around him, holding Xander tight enough to hurt, but Xander barely notices it. Kissing Giles is exactly what Xander's thought it would be. It's--

The phone rings, and Giles jumps, pushing Xander off his lap like he's just now registering what they were doing.

The phone rings again.

"Xander, we shouldn't--"

And again.

"Answer the phone," Xander whispers. "Then we can talk."

Giles nods and picks up the phone, voice wavering as he delivers the 'Magic Box, how may I help you?' line. "Wes--Wesley," he stammers, cringing visibly.

Xander reaches out for the phone, heart hammering in his chest. "You're an idiot," he says into the receiver before he's even got the thing against his ear.

"I--" Xander can almost hear Wesley blinking in confusion. "What brought this on?"

"I did something stu-" Xander keeps his eyes on Giles as he speaks. "No, not stupid," Xander catches himself, "just something."

"Oh, I see." Wesley's voice is thick with understanding and Xander knows he really did get it, even if he doesn't sound even a little angry. "Why would I be the idiot then?"

"Because you should have figured this out before I did?" He shrugs. "Point is, I'm wondering what I should do now."

"Have sex with him, of course," Wesley says like it's a foregone conclusion, and Xander's the one who's really the idiot. Which Xander figures he probably is, but really, this whole 'who is the idiot' thing is getting old.

"That sounds like a plan. And afterwards?"

"Come home and tell me all about it." Wesley's tone is conspiratorial, and Xander feels a grin spread on his face.

"Someone likes bedtime stories," he says, almost laughing at the face Giles makes.

"You know me, love."

Xander remembers how Wesley likes to hear all about Xander's fantasies no matter what they are, and he figures this is the same thing. Except with a lot more realism to it. "So it's okay?"

"Yes, it is," Wesley says seriously. "Just bring him home with you."

"I will." I love you, he thinks, because he does, and he knows he doesn't say it often enough. Xander hangs up the phone, and Giles immediately starts again.

"Xander, we--"

"Wesley said I should have sex with you, and then take you home," Xander deadpans, grinning. He licks his lips, and sits down on Giles' lap, straddling him and pinning him to the chair. "I like that plan."

"Wesley--"

"Look," Xander says. He cups Giles' cheek and forces him to look up. "Wesley and I fought because we're both worried about you, and the whole fighting thing led to us admitting our very significant crush on you. We had the whole angst thing all day long, and that's why he didn't show up tonight. Kind of hard to research after admitting to your boyfriend that you have a freaking huge crush on your boss, right? I wouldn't have come either, but then I just like being contradictory when I'm pissed off." And he didn't want to stay in the same apartment as Wesley for longer than necessary. The Magic Box was as good as any other place to be. It's not like anyone actually expects him to be good at research the way they do Wesley.

"Point is," Xander continues. "I just realized we got it wrong. Fighting because we're both attracted to the same guy and worried about him is kinda counterproductive. So here I am, kissing you, with Wesley's permission. Now I'm going to suck you off, because I've been thinking about doing that for a very long time, and," he presses his palm against Giles' crotch, feeling him already hard and hot in his hand, "I think you'll like that, or else that's a really big stick you've got in your pocket. Wesley says I'm very good at sucking cock, by the way, and he's going to have a really good time later when we tell him about it."

"I don't want to be a pity fuck, Xander," Giles says.

Xander wonders what part of 'good at sucking cock' Giles didn't understand, and he probably would have asked out loud if Giles didn't sound a little angry there. "You're not. I'm not explaining this right." There's a reason why he hates talking about feelings. "This has been going on for a while. The whole worrying thing just brought it to the surface, and Wesley and I reacted like the idiots that we are instead of thinking about it like grownups." He licks his lips. "I like you. He likes you. And I don't know why, but I have a pretty good feeling you like us both too, so the solution is very easy."

"Sex is hardly a solution." But he's got a smile now, a small one, but it's definitely there, and Xander knows he's just arguing for the sake of it.

"Maybe not a long term one, but right now, I don't care, I want you." Xander's pretty sure Giles needs it too. Not just to get laid, which he does need to do more often than once every couple of years, but Giles also needs that connection with another human being. Something to remind him that there are still people who care. That Buffy may have died, and damn, that still hurts just to think about, but the world didn't end when they buried her, no matter what Giles might think. What they all might think, come to think of it. "I need you," he adds, before he leans in and kisses Giles again.

There's hardly any hesitation now. Xander licks Giles' lips, and they open up for him, letting his tongue slide inside, mapping every inch of Giles' mouth. Wesley was right about the scotch; Giles tastes like he's had a glass not too long ago. It's strangely addictive.

Xander goes back to palming Giles' renewed erection, kissing his way down Giles' throat as the man moans and grips his shoulders. "Xander," Giles gasps, forcing him to look up.

"What?" He's breathless, cock straining his pants, and he doesn't want to talk about this anymore, he just wants to do it, show Giles that Xander really is good at this, and that he wants it.

"I do," Giles says

"Huh?"

Giles chuckles. Xander can't remember the last time he heard him do that, and, yeah, okay, maybe not so much with the being an idiot after all. Xander's a fucking genius, clearly, because this is working, and Giles has that glint in his eyes, like he's amused or teasing or something, and Xander has to grin.

"I do like you both, very much," Giles whispers softly, cupping Xander's cheek and dragging his thumb slowly across Xander's lower lip. "Now, please," he leans forward until he's murmuring right into Xander's ear, "suck my cock, so we can go back to your apartment, and I can shag your boyfriend into the mattress while you watch."

Xander lets out a slow breathy moan. He slides down to his knees, wincing when his back hits the desk drawer. He settles himself properly and looks up into Giles' eyes, hands working on Giles' belt.

Xander's driving, because Giles looks just a little bit too dazed for that afterwards. He admits that Wesley's right, and Xander is incredibly talented with his mouth, and that earns him another kiss. Giles' taste is still in his mouth; Xander can't stop licking his lips, thinking he'd really like to stop on the side of the road and sample that taste again, but he should probably leave some for Wesley too.

Xander reaches out and takes Giles' hand in his. He doesn't know why but there's something about the way Giles holds himself that makes Xander think he might be reconsidering this whole thing, and that is not on. So he takes Giles' hand and puts it on his thigh, smiling when Giles' fingers squeeze lightly. "Hey, no second thoughts, okay?"

"No second thoughts, I promise you," Giles answers, another one of those soft smiles playing on his lips.

Xander parks in front of his apartment building and gets out of the car, followed closely by Giles. They make it to Xander and Wesley's door without a word, and when they walk in, Wesley is right there, holding out a glass of something strong for Giles to drink.

"I imagine you might need this," he says.

"Thank you." Xander watches Giles down the drink in one gulp and reach for Wesley, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

"Wow," Wesley murmurs when they pull away.

"Good, isn't it?" Xander asks, cupping the back of Wesley's neck and pulling him close. "Wait till you taste his cock." And he kisses him. Their tongues tangle together; Xander's so hard he feels like he's going to burst, and Wesley rubs against him. They moan together.

"Bedroom?" Giles' voice drifts into Xander's ears, and he lets go of Wesley to turn to him.

"Bedroom sounds good," he says. He really wants to see Giles make good on that promise to fuck Wesley through the mattress. It should be even hotter than watching them kiss, and that's-well, that's very scorchingly hot.

When Xander wakes up the next morning, Giles is gone.

It's not the end of the world, Xander's aware of that, but he wakes Wesley up anyway to tell him. Wesley says it couldn't be an instant and permanent solution; they'll have to keep trying until it sticks. Xander knows he's right, but he still wishes Giles had at least stuck around long enough for a good morning kiss. Though it's not like there won't be other opportunities for it.

With that in mind, Xander kisses Wesley, pushes him down on his stomach, and slides home, Wesley still slick from earlier when Giles opened him up and pounded into him until Wesley came without either of them touching him. Xander missed this, the easiness between them, and his heart tightens when he realizes that it's back. He just has to touch Wesley to know that everything will be okay between them, and they don't have to talk about it any more than they already have.

It's Saturday, but Wesley's not going to work today, and Xander's not planning on letting him leave the bed for anything other than food or a bathroom break, and maybe a shower, later, much later. It's exactly like it used to be.

They make love for the better part of the morning, slow and deep, and when Xander comes, he says 'I love you' and means it.

He thinks again about how he wishes Giles was here, and he finds he would say those words to him too, and mean them. It's weird and it's insane, and it's probably very stupid, but there's a look in Wesley's eyes that says he's not the only one who's an idiot in that relationship, really.

Maybe it'll take a while, but they're both pretty sure that they can get past Giles' barriers one day, and when that day comes, well, this bed is definitely big enough for three.

The two men they definitely want as part of the threesome: Giles, Xander
Up to three men they would like to see as the third: Wesley, Spike
Two men they *do not* want as part of the threesome: Angel, Oz
One other thing they want: desk
One other thing they don't want: fluff
Preferred maximum rating: NC-17